Peer Review of Salma Islmail’s Formal Report Proposal

To: Salma Ismail, Author

From: Gareth Yuen, Reviewer

Peer Review: Expanding Culturally Informed Food Security Approach for the South Vancouver Food Hub

First Impressions: 

This document is well-organized and concise. The topic is meaningful and respectable because it concerns South Vancouver residents’ food security. The content is also sensible and easy to understand, resembling the fundamental economic law of supply and demand. Since there is a higher demand, a higher supply is needed.

Organization:

• All the subheadings are bold and clear, easy to read.
• Everything is in order with the flow of content, step by step.

Expression:

• The tone is consistently professional, but the sentence in the audience section could be hard to read and understand, with slight clarity issues.
• The qualification is perfect for this proposal as it aligns with the author’s personal interest, making it convincing.

Content:

• This document contains all the required sections and provides adequate details that increase the proposal’s legitimacy.
• The introduction is clear and informative, foreshadowing the issue to come.
• The statement of problem is easy to understand and clear.
• The proposed solution is sound and valid because one of the basic tactics in resolving insufficient supply due to high demand is to increase the supply, very straightforward.
• Scope and methods are reasonable and relatable, and the selected sources should provide enough reference and data.
• Qualification is closely tied to the background of the proposal, very convincing.

Grammar and Typos:

Overall, this proposal is very well done and expresses all its meaningful content. However, there are some typos and slight clarity issues that should be addressed:

• “Encourage prospective companies to the significantly strong impact of their food donations on the community.” “Significantly strong impact” might be a bit wordy and unnecessary, and combined with “on the community,” made this sentence hard to comprehend.
• Unless “Joey Joey Liu” is the actual name, please edit it.
• “This may lead to some community members continuing to access support while financially independent.” The word “this” is unclear; consider using “which” instead to connect the sentence.

Concluding Comments:

This proposal is professional and meaningful. Hopefully, it will create a positive impact if it is applied in real life, as it offers a simple solution to a problem that could help people in need tremendously. The work overall is excellent but please consider the following suggestions for further improvement:

• Proofread it carefully to avoid careless mistakes like Joey Joey
• Consider writing in shorter and more coherent sentences for clarity and readability
• Becreaful of sentence structures, switch around This, that, which to connect sentences, which could be very useful in avoiding sentence fragments of unclear reference

Amazing job! An impressive proposal about a respectable topic. Please feel free to ask me any questions, and please keep up the good work!