Assignment 3.3 – Peer Review of Alethea’s Formal Report Draft

To: Alethea Kramer, ENGL 301 Student

From: Byung-Sun Park, ENGL 301 Student

Date: April 3, 2023

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft –  Increasing Opportunities for Casual and Unplanned Interactions Between Team Members

Thank you for writing a formal report draft for Increasing Opportunities for Casual and Unplanned Interactions Between Team Members for the assignment of lesson 3:3. Please check the review of the draft and suggestions for revisions below.

First Impression:

This formal report draft is well-organized with a clear structure of required components including a list of recommendations. The tone in the document is objective and reflects the you-attitude toward the readers of the report. The draft contains effective headings and subheadings that reveal the content of the report clearly, but all pages need correct pagination. The background and scope of inquiry are clearly stated, but the Introduction section needs more details about the organization, Public Services and Procurement Canada, and the role of the Digital Services team in the organization. The content of the draft has enough information for the readers who do not have background in remote works but can be richer by adding more details for the suggested solutions for creating spontaneous communications. Overall, this draft is well-written and easily understandable for readers. Not that many revisions are required except for correcting grammatical mistakes in some sentences and adding in-text references in MLA style to the secondary sources quoted in the report. Please check below for detailed suggestions.

Organization:

• The draft is clearly organized with the bolded heading of each section and subheadings in the Data section.
• The scope of inquiry of the report is stated with a numbered list.
• The table of contents exists to link each section to the corresponding page number, but not all pages are correctly paginated.
  • All pages in the draft excluding the title page and the table of contents need a page number that appears on the right corner of the page.

Grammar and Style:

• The tone of the report is objective.
• The tone of the report is positive and reflects the you-attitude toward the readers of the report.
• Grammatical mistakes in some sentences need to be corrected:
  • “The conflicting schedules and daily routines of remote workers complicates participation in time-situated activities.”
    • The singular verb is used for the compound subject.
  • “A clear trend amongst both surveys as the value of remote or work-from-home.”
    • There is no verb in the above sentence.

Content:

• The document contains all requirements of the assignment except illustrations and in-text references in MLA style:
  • The working title and title page
  • The table of contents
  • The introduction
  • The body of the report is completed with appropriate headings and subheadings
  • The list of conclusions and recommendations

• The draft needs at least two of the illustrations to be integrated into the text of the report.
  • The draft contains only one illustration: Figure 1. How often would Digital Service team members participate in the following activities?
• The draft needs in-text references in MLA style to any secondary sources that are quoted, paraphrased, or otherwise used in the report.
  • For example, “One of the most difficult aspects of remote work is … to reach out for a work-related situation.” (Cochran).
• The draft contains a list of conclusions and recommendations that can be improved with provided suggestions.
  • Please check the Conclusion part of this peer review below.

Visualizations:

• A visual is appropriate to help readers clearly understand and visualize the analysis of the survey result.
• Texts in a visual are a bit small and the resolution of a visual is somewhat low for readers with poor eyesight.
• The values in the x-axis of the chart need a proper unit clearly indicated for the readers.

Introduction:

• The introduction section clearly identifies the background of the problem – a lack of spontaneous or casual workplace interactions between team members.
• The introduction section introduces the purpose, the scope of inquiry, and the research methods of the report.
• More information about the organization and the team, which are the main subjects of the report, should be provided.
  • What does Public Service and procurement Canada do?
  • What is the role of the Digital Services team in the organization?
• The introduction could include a brief description of the final recommendations.

Data Section:

• Overview of Study Design:
  • Detailed information about the purpose and process of the data collection through two separate surveys is provided.
  • The purpose of the scholarly article review section in the body is clearly explained.
    • “To reinforce the benefits of casual and spontaneous interaction in the workplace to underscore the importance of this study.”
    • “To aim to validate both the motivation for this report and some of the recommendations being made.”
• Scholarly Article Review:
  • Relevant scholarly articles to the topic of the report are introduced and analyzed such as Carol Cochran’s article on instilling thriving remote workplace cultures.
  • Relevant phrases are quoted from the articles to help readers understand the impact of remote work on workplace culture and how digital tools and remote-based activities can contribute to company culture.
  • Quoted phrases need in-text references in MLA style.
• Evaluation of Surveys:
  • The trends and observations from the result of both surveys are clearly explained for readers.
  • The result of both surveys are clearly interpreted to readers: the importance of remote work and the desire for socialization and collaboration.

Conclusion:

• The list of recommendations is briefly included in the draft.
  • The list of recommendations needs more details about how these recommendations can be implemented to be workable and affordable
• The list of quotes to be incorporated into the conclusion is included, but the draft needs the list of actual conclusions for the study

Concluding Comments:

This formal report draft is well-organized with most of the required components of the assignment in an objective and positive tone. Although this draft is already well-written, it can be improved with the following corrections:

• Adding in-text reference in MLA to secondary sources quoted in the report
• Adding correct pagination for all pages in the draft
• Adding a brief summary of final recommendations in the Introduction
• Providing more information about what is the role of the Digital Services team in the organization, Public Services and Procurement Canada
• Improving the size and the resolution of the illustration
• Adding more illustrations to meet the requirement of the assignment
• Indicating the unit of the values in the x-axis of the illustration
• Correcting grammatical mistakes in sentences

Thank you for taking the time to read my review of the draft. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Thanks.

Link to Alethea’s Formal Report Draft: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30199c2022w2/2023/03/29/assignment-32-formal-report-draft-2/