Peer Review of Formal Report Draft
To: Sonja Tang, English 301 Student Writer
From: Elly Kim, 301 Student
Date: Apr 3rd, 2023
Subject: Increasing Academic Support for Student Athletes at the University of British Columbia
Thank you for your submission of the draft report that focuses on improving academic support for student athletes at the University of British Columbia (UBC). The report is well-organized and provides valuable insights into the current academic support available for UBC student athletes. However, it could benefit from a few more details in the First Impressions section.
First Impressions:
While the report provides valuable information about the insufficient academic support available for student athletes at UBC and how it negatively impacts their academic performance. However, adding more specific details about the shortcomings of the current system and the impact on student athletes would help to create a stronger Introduction section. This will help the readers to have a clear understanding of the issue and to be more invested in the proposed solutions.
Organization:
The report has a clear and logical structure. Enhancing the readability can be achieved by including an executive summary at the beginning of the report that gives an overview of the key points and recommendations.
Style:
The tone of the report is objective and professional, and the language is clear and concise. Avoiding big chunks of text is great.
Introduction:
Effectively explaining the current academic support for student athletes at UBC and its shortcomings However, adding more specific details about the shortcomings of the current system and the impact on student athletes would help to create a stronger Introduction.
Data Section:
The survey results provide valuable insights into student athletes’ satisfaction with the current academic support available at UBC. Providing more details on the survey questions used and the number of participants would be helpful. Additionally, enhancing the section can be done by including qualitative data such as student athletes’ comments on their academic support experience.
Proposed Solution:
Proposed solutions such as offering free tutoring sessions for student athletes and improving communication between the academic and athletic departments are practical and feasible. Providing more details on the potential challenges and limitations would be helpful.
Grammar and Technical Errors:
Regarding minor errors, suggestions can be made as follows:
In section A, the sentence “UBC student athletes would benefit immensely from free tutoring dedicated to the athletics department” would be clearer if it were revised to “Free tutoring dedicated to the athletics department would provide immense benefits for UBC student athletes.”
Conclusion:
In summary, the report provides a valuable analysis of the current academic support available for student athletes at UBC and proposes feasible solutions to improve academic support. These suggestions might be helpful in the revision process. If there are any questions or require further clarification, please do not hesitate to contact.
Revisions:
Please consider the following recommendations:
Including an executive summary at the beginning of the report.
Providing more details in the introduction section.
Providing more details on the survey questions used and the number of participants.
Enhancing the section by including qualitative data on student athletes’ academic support experience.
Link to Formal report (Sonja): https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30199c2022w2/2023/03/29/formal-report-draft-2/
Thank you for the hard work on this report, and best of luck in the revision process.
Sincerely,
Chohyeon Kim, 301 Student
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