To: Brian Wong, ENGL 301 Student (Author of Formal Report Draft)
From: Riya Kathuria, ENGL 301 Student (Peer-Reviewer)
Subject: Peer Review for Formal Report: Reducing Overcrowding of Study Spaces at UBC
Date: April 27, 2023
I want to thank you for submitting your draft on the overcrowding of study spaces at UBC. Your draft presents a well-formed argument on the need to increase awareness of alternative study spaces on campus. I have provided a breakdown of your report below, highlighting its strengths and areas for improvement.
First Impressions:
You have done an excellent job organizing the report in a cohesive flow, presenting arguments directly, and supporting all claims with appropriate evidence. The strength of your report is that the solution already exists, and you have provided a roadmap to implement it. There is room for improvement in terms of minor grammatical fixes, reducing unnecessary words, and fixing slight formatting mistakes.
Introduction:
The background information provides enough information for readers to understand the problem at hand. You have clearly laid out the problem and supported it with data. However, there is a formatting issue between “… 3.3% (reference 1),” which needs fixing. The definition of overcrowdedness and description of the issues caused by it were very well executed, sparking the reader’s interest to continue reading the report. Change the wording in the last sentence of this section from “may be” to “is” to project more confidence. The purpose of the report and intended audience meet all criteria and leave no questions in the reader’s mind. Although not necessary, adding a citation to support the claim that reducing crowding in high volume study spaces will increase student focus, etc., would benefit this section. The data sources and methods of inquiry sections are well done and meet all criteria. The scope of inquiry section clearly lays out your game plan to approach this problem.
Data Section:
The data section is well-formed and clearly lays out the data. There are some formatting issues that we will discuss in the style section below. All figures are clear and easy to read. The limitation section is well-done, presented in an ethical manner, and ensures that the findings of the report were not downplayed.
Conclusion:
The conclusion section is well-formed and appears to meet all necessary criteria. However, with only two recommendations, it feels as though something is missing. Your report would be strengthened by providing more evidence-based recommendations within the two proposed or proposing more than two recommendations. More detail in the “Setting an Occupancy Limit” recommendation is needed as it appears to be a drastic recommendation requiring more evidence to justify.
Appendices and References:
The appendices and references are well-formed and meet all criteria. No citation errors were observed.
Organization:
Your report follows all necessary MLA guidelines for organization and formatting. Fixing slight issues, such as spacing irregularities between headings/subheadings and the ensuing paragraphs, choosing and sticking to a consistent font size for figure captions, can improve the report’s organization.
Style and Grammar:
The report’s style and grammar are well-formed, and although there were some slight errors, they did not reduce the report’s readability or takeaway from your intended purpose. I recommend eliminating the phrase “attracts many students to study within its walls” from the Sub-subheading A under the Introduction. This italicized portion of the statement is grandiose in nature and does not add to the report. There is a typo under subheading D “Data sources and Methods of Inquiry,” and an “and” needs adding between IKD and the Nest in the first sentence. On page 9, you can cut words and rephrase to “believe finding a study spot at IKB is not easy, demonstrating the difficulties of finding study spots at UBC.” Style and grammar are important aspects of communication that can greatly impact how your message is perceived by others. Good writing should be clear, concise, and easy to understand. To achieve this, it’s essential to pay attention to the words you use, the structure of your sentences, and the overall tone of your writing.
Concluding Remarks:
In conclusion, I want to commend you, Brian, for submitting an impressive formal report draft that analyzes the problem of overcrowding in study spaces at UBC and proposes practical solutions to address it. Your report showcases your excellent research and writing skills, and your dedication to improving the academic experience of UBC students is evident throughout the document.
Overall, the report is well-structured, coherent, and persuasive. Your use of data and evidence to support your arguments is impressive, and your recommendations are thoughtful and well-informed. While there are some minor issues with formatting, grammar, and style that need to be addressed, these do not detract from the overall quality of the report.
I hope that my feedback has been helpful to you in refining your report further. I look forward to seeing your revised draft and wish you the best of luck with your project.
Enclosure: Link to Brian’s Formal Report Draft
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