Note: There is a tendency to use general nouns: you need to learn to use specific nouns that name the general problem.
For example. “The document starts with an introduction and a statement of the problem to provide sufficient information for readers on the topic of why UBC students need more time between classes, but an introduction should also include the cause of the problem along with the background.”
How would you name the problem? ‘Time restraints’
Rewrite: “The proposal begins with a description of the time restraints students face between classes (ten minutes) due to distances between buildings on campus.
Example: “The document contains enough information about the topic but should also provide more details about the specific readers of the report who have the authority to implement the recommendations.”
How can you name ‘the topic’?
Rewrite: The Proposal describes the time restraints, and the anxiety students experience as a result, but the description of the reading audience is missing.
Example: “Areas of inquiry in Scope are described with a numbered list.” What is the scope of the inquiry?
Rewrite: “The scope of the inquiry includes measuring distances and time taken to travel between classes, as well as how the weather impacts travel times.
For Example:
Contents: The document contains all requirements of the proposal:
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- Introduction
- Statement of Problem
- Proposed Solution
- Scope
- Methods
- Qualifications
- Conclusion
Rewrite: Contents: The document contains all requirements of the proposal except a description of the audience:
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- Introduction: Describes distances between classes on UBC campus
- Statement of Problem: time restraints for students with courses spread out around campus.
- Proposed Solution: Increase the 10-minute time between classes.
- Scope: includes measuring distances and time taken to travel between classes, as well as how the weather impacts travel times.
- Methods: Surveys and observations
- Qualifications: Personal experience
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