To Sonja Tang, ENGL 301 Student
From: Long You, ENGL 301 Student
Peer Review / Definition: Mechanotransduction
Definition link: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30199c2022w2/2023/02/08/assignment-1-3-sonjas-definitions/
Date: Apr 15, 2023
Dear Sonja,
Thank you for posting your definition assignment for lesson 1:3; it is a pleasure for me to peer review the term “Mechanotransduction” as a kinesiology student. Please see my review of the document below with recommendations for improvements.
First Impressions:
Your paper is a concise definition of the kinesiology term “Mechanotransduction”. It is well-organized and provides a clear expanded definition. Consider improving the parenthetical definition by adding parentheses, as well as meeting the assignment requirements by adding visuals and increasing the number of outside references. Please see more details below.
Organization and Content:
- A good start with an introduction to the assignment along with a clear description of the intended goals. it would be helpful to use “Mechanotransduction” as an example to explain the purpose of the assignment more clearly.
- The headings are bolded and well-organized, and the paper has a smooth flow.
- Three forms of definition are included.
- Four expansion strategies are applied in the Expanded Definition section.
- Consider adding visuals/figures to the paper and citing them correctly to meet the assignment requirements.
- Expand your reference list to include a minimum of three outside references.
- Consider adding a brief paragraph to guide the reader back to the initial description of “Mechanotransduction”.
Expression:
- Your use of both parenthetical and sentence definitions is excellent and helps readers understand that Mechanotransduction is a cellular response to mechanical forces.
- The document is concise and professional, and the tone is appropriate for a 3rd-year Kinesiology student audience.
- To help readers understand the term better, consider adding some real-life examples. For instance, you could discuss what would happen to hearing, balance, and the sensation of limb position and touch if the cellular response malfunctions.
Grammar and Typos:
- There are several small errors in the paper. For example, “An example of this process is how a muscle cell converts mechanical force into an electrical signal in order to (to) cause muscle contraction.” Please proofread the document carefully to correct these errors.
Concluding Comments:
It is a very informative definition for 3rd–year Kinesiology students. With complete information and proofreading for small errors, the document will be very helpful as a learning reference.
- Include at least one visual to meet the assignment requirements.
- Expand your reference list to include at least three outside references.
- Include a brief conclusion to summarize the main points of the paper.
Overall, it has been a pleasure reviewing your work. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
Long
Leave a Reply