To: Yiyu Li
From: Terry Chou
Peer Review / Term: Weight Stigma
Thank you for submitting the definition assignment for lesson 1:3, and it was an enjoyable read. Please see the review of the document below with suggestions for improvements.
First Impressions:
Your definition of the term “weight stigma” is well-written and clear, providing a good overview of the concept. However, it would be even better if you define the term explicitly before presenting examples, and briefly explain the connection between the visual and the definition.
Organization:
- The assignment has a good introduction, a concise and detailed description of the intended situation and audience, and includes all required elements: the parenthetical definition, sentence definition, expanded definition, visuals, and works cited.
- The document covers various aspects of weight stigma, including its potential consequences, but it would be more helpful to explicitly define the term at the beginning of the expanded definition to give readers a clear understanding before delving into various examples.
- A variety of expanding methods are employed, including examples, analysis of parts, and visuals. However, only 3 expanding strategies come from the textbook, as describing the consequences of weight stigma or the factors that influence it are not strategies provided in the textbook.
- The chosen visual is eye-opening, but it would be beneficial to provide a brief introduction or explanation to allow users to see how it relates to the definition.
Introduction:
- The introduction is clear in providing the purpose, situation, and audience, and the definition chosen suits an audience with limited knowledge of the term weight stigma.
- However, it can be elaborated further to provide additional context about the purpose of the book, the level of detail provided, and how this section fits into the larger course.
Expression:
- The expression in the document is clear and concise, and the tone is informative and objective.
- The format is straightforward to read without the use of excessive jargon or unclear language.
- One improvement is to use consistent formatting for the citations. The correct format for the citations is with a period after “al”, like “et al.” However, a comma is used after “al” instead of a period in the current document.
Content:
The document is complete according to the assignment requirements, including:
- An introduction that indicates the situation and audience
- Three forms of definition (parenthetical, sentence, and expanded)
- At least 4 types of expansion strategies, but only 3 are from the textbook
- A visual, but it is not cited
- A works cited list with more than 3 outside sources
Visuals:
- An eye-opening visual that catches the readers’ attention, but the citation appears to be missing.
Works Cited List:
- The references are cited correctly using APA style.
Grammar and Typos:
- There are a few minor errors, such as “Nursing students and other readers of these book” in the audience section. Please note that “these” is plural and “book” is singular, so correction is needed.
- Another example is in the introduction section: “This term is in my previous degree Nursing.” An “in” seems to be missing between “degree” and “Nursing”.
- Also, there seems to be a missing period at the end of the last sentence.
Concluding Comments:
Your definitions of weight stigma are well-written, informative, and supported by concrete examples. The categorization of weight stigma into three types is a useful tool for understanding the term, and your document effectively conveys complex information in a clear and accessible way. As a result, it is valuable for not only first-year nursing students but also others with limited knowledge of nursing psychology. I hope these suggestions are helpful, and I thank you for submitting such an enjoyable piece. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need any additional clarification or feedback.
Links to Definition Reviewed:
https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30199c2022w2/2023/02/09/13-write-three-definitions-yiyu-li
Leave a Reply