2.1 Peer Review for Brian Wong’s Research Proposal

To: Brian Wong 

 

From: Parsa Seyed Zehtab

 

Peer Review: Brian’s Formal Research Proposal 

 

First Impressions: 

This is a well formed proposal for increasing awareness of lesser known study spots at UBC. The requirements outlined for this assignment are adequately organized and make it easy for the reader to digest the information. There are some grammatical errors present, with some making it difficult to understand the message being conveyed. There are a few elements missing in the proposal. Finally, there are some improvements that can be made to the overall design and organization of the proposal. 

Organization:

• There is variability in the format for the headings. 
  • Different font sizes are used. Pick one font size use it consistently.  
• There is variability in the font size used for the information under each heading.
  • Pick one font size and use it consistently. 
• The proposal is missing an appropriate heading. 
  • Specifically, you need to include “To: Dr. Erika Paterson” ; “From: Brian Wong” ; “Date: <enter date>”. 
  • There is also no subject line, which makes it difficult for the reader to immediately grasp what the proposal is about. Be sure to include an appropriate subject line.
    • Reference the textbook chapter on writing research proposals for guidelines on subject lines.

Expression:

• The tone and expression used are clear and professional. For the most part, the document outlines the relevant information in a clear and concise manner. 
• There are some improvements that can be made:
  • In the introduction section, word count can be decreased. For example, “… these study spots become full very quickly …” can be replaced with “ … these study spots become full quickly” or “ … these study spots fill up quickly” 
  • In the introduction section, there are some redundant words. For example, “… many new and incoming students resort …” can be replaced with “many new students resort” or “many incoming students resort”
    • New and incoming are both referring to the same population of students (new students) so it is redundant to include both words. 
  • In the statement of problem section, word count can be reduced by replacing “ … and a lack of free study spots available” with one of “ … and a lack of free study spots” or “ … and a lack of available study spots”.  
  • Under the qualifications section, it is recommended to be more confident. 
    • Specifically, replace “ … I believe my time and experience on the…” with “ … my time and experience on the …”. Removing I believe will make the tone more confident. 

Content:

• The content for this research proposal nearly meets all the criteria for the assignment:
  • There is no “heading”. As mentioned in the organization section above, include a “To: Dr. Erika Paterson” ; “From: Brian Wong” ; “Date: <enter date>”. 
  • There is no subject line. This makes it difficult for readers to immediately grasp the scope of the research proposal. Including one will solve this issue. 
  • The introduction section appropriately outlines the problem and its significance without going into to much detail. 
    • It appropriately sets the stage for the rest of the proposal 
  • There is an intended audience section.
  • There is a clear statement of problem section. 
  • There is a clear proposed solution.
    • The proposal would be strengthened if there was a little more detail added to explain how raising student awareness around different study spots will result in less crowding at IKB and the Nest. 
      • Specifically, a quick explanation on why increasing awareness will drive students to other study spots would strengthen the proposed solution section. 
  • A scope section is included
    • For the most part, the scope of the research is well-formed and indicates a strong research project can be generated. However, the third scope question having two parts is redundant as both questions are more-or-less asking the same thing. Instead, it might be more interesting to ask “Are students interested in and willing to go to new study spots? If not, what are their reasons?” 
  • A method section is included 
    • More detail on improvements to the method section is provided under the method subheading in this peer-review. 
  • There is a qualification section included that makes it clear the student is qualified to pursue this line of inquiry.
  • There is a conclusion section that ties all the information together and re-iterates the importance of this proposed research. 

Methods:

• Including specifications for how scope question number five (“What are the most effective methods to share this information with UBC students?)  will be explored would strengthen this section.
• Specifying how blogs on UBC will contribute information as a secondary source will strengthen this section. The link here is unclear. 
• Well done on choosing to conduct a survey. This will strengthen the research, as data will be collected directly from those affected by crowded study spaces. 

Grammar and Typos:

• Under the statement of problem section, replace “… tend to go to these study spaces and often results in …” with “ … tend to go these study spaces, resulting in …”.
• Under the method section, the sentence “ … UBC Vancouver students regarding their experience study spots on campus” should be amended to “ … UBC Vancouver students regarding their experience around (or) on study spots on campus.”.
• Under the method section, replace “… such as the UBC reddit page to research student’s opinions …” with “… such as the UBC reddit page to research students’ opinions …”.
• In the scope section, there should be a question mark (?) added to the end of the second line of inquiry. 

Concluding Comments: 

The research proposal for increasing student awareness around lesser known study spots on campus is clear and mostly easy to read. The ideas conveyed and the scope make it clear that this is a worthwhile question to pursue. Include the following edits, along with another proof read, to make this an even stronger proposal: 

• Make sure to review and proofread to catch grammatical errors. This will make the proposal easier to read. 
• Including an appropriate heading will ensure that all assignment requirements are met. 
• Including a subject line will make it more clear what the intended research question is, and ensure that all assignment requirements are met. 
• Choosing a consistent font size for the headings and the content under each heading will make the proposal more organized and easier to read. 
• Including more detail for the method section, as mentioned above, will make it more clear that the proposed solution can be achieved. 

Thank you for taking the time to write a thoughtful research proposal regarding study spots on campus. As someone who has experienced the difficulty of finding a study spot, I am excited for the results your research will produce. If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out.

 

Link to proposal under review: link