To: Liam Plosker
From: Nina Nakanishi
Date: March 1, 2023
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal: Formal Proposal for a Coyote-Tracking App for UBC Point Grey Campus and Other Neighbourhoods Bordering Pacific Spirit Park
Thank you for submitting the formal report proposal assignment for assignment 2:1. The idea of developing the app to track a coyote’s activity is interesting, and your argument is very clear. Please see the documents below for feedback and recommendations.
First Impressions:
The formal report proposal is well organized and the idea is stated very clearly. The introduction, the statement of problem, the statement of solution, and the scope is very easy to read and understand. For readers’ better experience, the document needs a better organization, and the method section needs a revision.
Organization:
The formatting of the document is correct, but there are a few recommendations.
- Please check the heading again as the section title for the statement of solution is written as a normal text
- Deleting the indentation can reduce the extra white space for better organization
Expression:
- The expression is clear and concise and it is easy to follow the flow.
- The tone is consistently professional.
- There are no wordy or lengthy sentences, creating great readability.
- There is no use of jargon.
- There are a few grammatical mistakes. Please check the details below.
Content:
- The introduction is clearly explained and interests the readers.
- The content of the statement of problem has some overlap with the introduction. Some sentences can be shortened, and this section can be more simple and well summarized.
- The statement of solution explains a great idea and it’s realistic. Below is a recommendation to make this section more firm.
- An additional explanation for how the app works would give readers a better understanding of the feasibility of the proposal.
- Some ideas written in the methods can be transferred into this section.
- The scope covers required questions for investigating the significance of the proposal. However, since how much we can investigate is limited in this course, please review the possibility of studying each scope.
- The method section is required to rewrite for this assignment.
- The Method section needs an explanation of how the study will be conducted.
Grammar and Typos:
Overall, the document is written well in a consistent formal tone and the sentences are concise. However, there are a few minor grammar errors. Below are some examples. For better readability, please proofread the entire document.
- Change “Coyotes are an unpredictable animal” to “Coyotes are unpredictable animals” in the introduction section
- Remove comma here: “particularly if they are walking in the area alone or at night, when coyotes tend to be more active”
- It is unnecessary to use a comma before a dependent clause starts with when
- Change “highly-uncommon” to “highly uncommon”
- The last sentence in the qualification is a bit lengthy
Concluding Comments:
Overall, great work on the proposal. The topic was interesting and enjoyable to read. The ideas and the claims are very clear; it logically explains the necessity and feasibility of the coyote activity tracking app. Please see the following summary of the recommendation to improve the document:
- Reorganize the document by checking the headlines and indentations.
- Proofread the entire document for minor grammatical errors and wordiness.
- Check the section on the statement of solution and method. Their contents can be summarized only in the section of the statement of solution.
- Revise the method section.
Thank you for putting so much effort into this assignment. It was a pleasure to review and provide feedback. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.
Link to original document: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30199c2022w2/2023/02/24/2-1-formal-proposal-for-a-coyote-tracking-app-for-ubc-point-grey-campus-and-neighbourhoods-bordering-pacific-spirit-regional-park/
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