To: Gareth Yuen, English 301 Student Writer
From: Salma Ismail, English 301 Student Reviewer
Date: April 2, 2023
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal: Improving Road Safety in the West Vancouver Residential Area
Thank you for submitting this proposal to determine the feasibility of improving road safety in West Vancouver by installing speed cameras in the neighbourhood.
You have done an excellent job in providing simple yet effective solutions to addressing the high speeds of vehicles travelling in West Vancouver and promoting the safety of pedestrians and drivers alike. The flow of the information is logical and easy to follow.
Following are some suggestions for further improving this proposal:
First Impressions:
A significant strength of this proposal is it effectively lays out the grasp of the issue in the introduction. It outlines the definition of road safety and road safety hazards, specifically issues relating to speed limits. The literature review presents strong support for the proposal.
- Consistency in font and style and correct grammar are key. Ensuring the report includes the same font in the entire report and has the same location for your headings (i.e. to the left, center, or right) makes reading more cohesive. Grammatical errors may distract readers and diminish the overall quality of the work; avoiding minor errors through proofreading the work is a way to combat this.
I. Content
Introduction:
The introduction clearly defines the report’s purpose for installing speed cameras in the West Vancouver Neighbourhood and the history and success of speed cameras in other parts of the world. The introduction also provides context and evidence (I.E., cost of collision and rates of crashes in the area of interest) caused by the lack of enforcing speed regulation, which the report aims to mitigate—finally, the scope of inquiry and data collection methods.
- As per the textbook, consider revising and summarizing content in the “purpose” section. By doing so, the introduction will be shorter and more conscience, in line with the project proposal expectations in the textbook. Dedicating the ideas to only one paragraph instead of two can still be expressed in an informative matter without large paragraphs.
- Due to differing laws and regulations in Canada, excluding information about crashes in the U.S., mentioned in the “purpose section,” can absolve the report of unnecessary information.
The recurring terms have been defined clearly.
- One suggestion is to bolden or italicize the term when first introduced in the report to align with the style guide identified in the curriculum textbook.
Data Section:
In this section, the content is clear and concise, with the results of each response stated under a visual representation of the data (i.e. graphs) and identifies the intent of the questions and the importance of the findings pertaining to the purpose and scope of the report. The report includes the response rate. An excellent job in presenting the data collected.
This section is the most informative in the report.
The data section also includes “Articles on the effectiveness of speed cameras” and “Articles on the public attitude and opinion towards speed cameras, ” presenting a literature review for cross-referencing.
- One suggestion is to explain how this information relates to the issue in the report. It is noted that this section aims to analyze “the research articles on the effectiveness of speed cameras and public opinion toward them for data cross-referencing.” However, no reference is made to this. Relating the information found in this literature to the findings will strengthen the overall argument of the report.
Proposed Solutions and Conclusion:
The report sets out realistic solutions with ample evidence of their potential to succeed. The first solution, under the subheading Improving road safety in the West Vancouver residential area, is very impressive as it ties the findings from almost every survey findings and literature review in an easy-to-follow manner and presents a convincing argument for installing the speed cameras.
The second solution also presents a viable solution with examples of previous success; however, if more information was added to explain what “community engagement” would entail may strengthen the suggestion.
- Outlining effective mechanisms to engage with the community and explaining how that would look (e.g. going into schools to speak with youth, community centre booths, talks, etc.) may enhance the feasibility of the solution.
The conclusion is excellent, summarizing significant findings and solutions’ limitations.
II. Organization
The report is organized overall, with clear transitions and explanatory subheadings in each section and a natural flow among the content. The pages are numbered; however, the headings and subheadings are not paginated.
- Paginating the pages on the table of contents and the main report will enable readers to promptly refer to different sections of the proposal.
Introduction:
Excellent work in organizing the content in this section.
- One suggestion is to ensure all words in the subheadings are capitalized. For example, instead of “Background of speed cameras,” the subheading can be written as “Background of Speed Cameras.
Data Section:
This section is also well organized, with each visual accompanied by an explanation. The break in paragraphs with the visual makes the report appealing and easy to follow.
- Similar to the previous section, ensuring all subtitles are appropriately capitalized is recommended.
Proposed Solutions and Conclusion:
The final section is straightforward and follows the same format as the previous sections.
- Breaking up the paragraph for the proposed solution, Improving road safety in the West Vancouver residential area, will make it easier to read and avoid large portions of text.
- Similar to the previous section, ensuring all subtitles are appropriately capitalized is recommended.
III. Style:
There is a persistent tone of objectivity in the Introduction and Proposed Solutions, and Conclusion Sections. The report has a positive tone and mostly aligns with the YOU attitude. There are a few grammatical errors and typos throughout the report. An efficient way to eliminate grammatical errors is to proofread the report or utilize an online grammar-checking program.
- Replacing pronouns such as “our report suggests” with “the report suggests” or “report findings suggests “can minimize the use of pronouns and align with the YOU attitude.
Data Section:
This section is very informative and presents the data effectively. With some minor stylistic changes, this section can be enhanced.
- In subheading survey data expectations, one suggestion is to capitalize “1) There is….”
- In question 7, rewording the sentence to remove the pronouns and not assume what the respondents think will present a more objective analysis of the findings:” …as it is logical to think that if a motorist knows they will be fined for speeding, they will not speed unless there is a reasonable emergency to justify breaking the law of speed limits”.
- In question 10, rewording this sentence to present more objectively, not assuming what respondents intended when answering this question and removing the pronouns would enhance the flow of the paragraph: Possibly, they thought that the camera should act as a warning or precaution to speeding drivers instead of acting as a punishment, or they valid the interaction experience better at discouraging future speeding.
IV. Design:
As mentioned in the previous section, having a consistent font style and font size enhances the visual appeal of the report. The graphics in the report are all in the data section. There are 11 graphics, all of which are easy to see and clearly labelled, followed by an explanation of what it represents. An impressive job overall.
Revisions:
Please note the suggested revisions in this review that will improve the quality:
- Taking note of appropriate capitalization in the subheadings
- Condensing the “Purpose” section in the introduction to remove irrelevant information from the report
- Boldening or italicizing the terms when first introduced in the report
- Paginating the pages on the table of contents and main report
- Revising question 7 and question 10 data findings in the Data Section
Overall, this is an impressive proposal draft for a meaningful investigation that could help ensure the safety and protection of the resident in West Vancouver. I hope these suggestions are helpful for the revision process. Please get in touch with me if you have any questions or need further clarification. Excellent work!
Link to Garth Yuen’s report: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30199c2022w2/2023/03/29/formal-report-draft-3/
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