An Example of an excellent student peer review for a Formal Report Draft

A student example of a peer review for a Formal Report Draft

Please note:

• there are no pronouns: I / me/ You / Yours
• the minimal use of imperative verbs
• details are provided – in bold in the example below
• it is never too late to revise your work on the page.

To: XXX XXX English 301 Student Writer

From: XXX XXX English 301 Student Reviewer

Date: April 3, 2023

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft for Examining the Need for a Navigation App to Enhance Customer Experience at Metrotown Mall

Thank you for submitting the formal report draft for examining the need for a navigation app to enhance customer experience at Metrotown Mall. This draft is well-written and provides a solid argument for improving the overall shopping experience through the implementation of a navigation app. Please see a breakdown of each section below, highlighting the many strengths shown throughout this document, and some suggestions for improvement.

Initial Impressions:

This document is well organized and engaging through its recommendation to implement a navigation app to improve customer experience while shopping at Metrotown Mall. A specific strength becomes highly evident by mentioning Metrotown Mall could be the first mall in Canada to implement a navigation app, making it stand out from its competitors.  In order to increase persuasiveness of the reader, elevating the use of the you-attitude throughout the report would be beneficial. In addition, highlighting the benefits of the app, such as reiterating successful and timely navigation increases revenue potential, will help in receiving a positive response.

Overall Expression:

• The tone of this report is professional and delivers the main points effectively.
• Improving readability can be accomplished by restructuring some sentences, correcting typos and double checking grammar and punctuation.
• Increasing the you-attitude throughout will help establish how the navigation app will benefit both the customer and the reader.
• ‘Information desks/stands’, ‘navigation stands’, ‘navigation stations’ are used throughout this report and can be confusing to differentiate. Providing working definitions in the Introduction section (see p.501) would be beneficial.

Content: 

• The report’s length is slightly less than the required word count of 2500-3500 words.
• Following MLA guidelines can be achieved by including the following in the final version:
  • A running header on all pages
  • Moving the page numbers to the upper right corner
  • Adding page numbers to the ‘Table of Contents’
  • A ‘Works Cited’ list instead of a ‘References’ list

• This document contains all the required sections for assignment 3.2:
  • Title Page
  • Table of Contents
  • Introduction
  • Body section with headings and subheadings
  • A minimum of three illustrations
  • List of conclusions and recommendations
  • Reference list (see note above)

Organization:

The formal report draft is well organized and visually appealing overall, however, the Data Section could benefit from some slight formatting revisions to add clarity.

• Each section is clearly defined with bold headings and subheadings, providing structure for the reader and highlighting the specific areas that are to be addressed.
• All of the headings match the Table of Contents, allowing for easy reference.
• The addition of further subheadings in the Data Section will enhance the overall organization of the report (see notes in Grammar & Spelling section below).

Grammar & Spelling:

Overall, this draft conveys all the necessary information and is well-written. However, some minor grammar and spelling errors occur. Suggestions are listed below for each specific section of the report:

• Title Page
  • Capitalizing ‘Owner’ and moving it to the third line (eg. Owner, Metrotown Mall).
• Table of Contents
  • Removing ‘List of’ from the ‘Figures & Tables’ section.
• Introduction

A. Background on Metrotown Mall

• • Second Paragraph:
    • adding the word ‘popular’ before ‘destination’ will reiterate the mall’s appeal to the public.

B. Purpose of Report and Intended Audience

• • First Paragraph:
    • Removing ‘/stands’ and using ‘information desks’  will increase simplicity.
    • Replacing ‘enhance the customer experience’ with ‘provide a positive shopping experience’ in the first sentence may be more effective when referencing the implementation of the app.
    • Switching the positions of second and third sentences may read more effectively:
      • Eg. ‘Additionally, during peak times, accessing the information desks can be difficult due to the continuous flow of people. The absence of a user-friendly app with a map accessible through mobile devices causes people to waste time searching for an information desk or navigating the website on a phone browser, which is inconvenient”

• • Second Paragraph:
    • Replacing ‘Accordingly’ with ‘Therefore’ in the second paragraph, and reworking the sentence slightly may also increase readability:
      • Eg. ‘Therefore, this report is to assess and present public opinion to Ivanhoe Cambridge, highlighting the need for a navigation app for Metrotown Mall to enhance its customer shopping experience’.

E. Scope of Inquiry

• • Removing ‘/stand’ from question #6.

• Data Section

A. Current Navigation Around Metrotown Mall

• • First Paragraph:
    • Replacing ‘but’ with ‘however,’ in the first sentence will ensure a more professional tone.
    • Adding ‘paper’ before ‘mall maps’ in the fourth sentence, will provide a specific reference to what customers currently have access to.

• • Second Paragraph:
    • Removing the word ‘even’ in the second line will keep the tone of the report professional.
    • Increasing readability can be achieved by editing and merging the last two sentences:
      • Eg. ‘Nevertheless, these navigation stands are occasionally out of service, resulting in customers becoming lost and frustrated as they lose time moving from point A to point B.’

B. Navigation Strategies at Other Malls Across Canada

• • Subheading:
    • Capitalizing ‘Other’ and ‘Across’ in the subheading will create consistency in the report’s layout.

• • Second & Third Paragraphs:
    • Removing ‘/stands’ will provide consistency.

C. Analysis of Collected Data & Feasibility Discussion

• • For all visuals, matching the percentage amounts in the copy with those presented in the graph/chart will eliminate any confusion and create consistency (eg. use 62% versus 62.03%).
  • Using subheadings in this section and adding two additional visuals will organize the findings more effectively and avoid any confusion on the part of the reader. Some suggestions include:

Subheading 1: ‘Customer’s Comfort Level Navigating of Metrotown Mall’

• • • Use existing Figure 1

Subheading 2: ‘Rates of Getting Lost at Metrotown Mall’

• • • Consider creating a new visual for findings and label as Figure 2.
    • Rewriting paragraph and providing a visual will present the findings more effectively:
      • Eg. ‘From the eighty-eight respondents, forty-five stated they have experienced getting lost at Metrotown Mall. Comparatively, thirty respondents stated they have never been lost while navigating the mall; and thirteen were unsure. This data reveals that more than half of the respondents do not feel comfortable navigating the mall, resulting in getting lost. As such, these individuals are more likely to refer to available resources for navigation assistance.’

Subheading 3: ‘Helpfulness of Information Desks at Metrotown Mall’

• • • Use existing visual, but renaming it as Figure 3
    • Using ‘information desks’ in the first sentence will match the visual’s description and avoid any confusion

Subheading 4: ‘Use of Metrotown Mall Website for Navigation Assistance’

• • • Use existing graph, but renaming it as Figure 4.
    • First Paragraph:
      • Replacing the ‘d’ with an ‘s’ for ‘purposes’ will correct the typo
      • Removing ‘ever’ from the last sentence will ensure a professional tone
      • Adding ‘website’ after ‘mall’ in the last sentence
      • Removing ‘(Figure 3)’ from the last sentence
    • Second Paragraph:
      • Add a comma after ‘used’ and before ‘or’
      • Replace ‘(Figure 2)’ with ‘(Figure 3)’
      • Removing ‘and stands’ from the last sentence

Subheading 5: ‘Public Opinion Regarding Using a Navigation App

• • • Use existing visual, but renaming it as ‘Figure 5’

• Conclusion:
  • Adding ‘the’ after ‘that’ in the first sentence.
  • Adding ‘navigation’ before ‘stand’ in the third sentence.

• Recommendations:
  • For #2, adding ‘and promote’ after customers.

Final Impressions:

Overall, this report draft is enjoyable to read and provides a strong argument that implementing a navigation app for Metrotown Mall customers would enhance their shopping experience. Improving certain sections to deliver a solid final report can be achieved by considering the following recommendations:

• Ensuring a you-attitude is expressed throughout
• Highlighting the benefits of the app will help in receiving a positive response (eg. reiterating successful and timely navigation increases revenue potential)
• Restructuring some sentences, correcting typos and double checking grammar and punctuation as noted above
• Providing working definitions in the Introduction section
• Ensuring the final report adheres to the required word count
• Ensuring MLA guidelines are followed as outlined above
• Adding subheadings and visuals to the section entitled ‘C. Analysis of Collected Data & Feasibility Discussion’ will provide a more organized and appealing display of the data.

Great work on this assignment! It was a pleasure to review this work, and please feel free to reach out with any questions.