By Peter Yang, 29, June 2022
To: Juanita Kwok team member
From: Peter Yang
Date: 29, June 2022
Subject: Proposal for determining the Impact of Mental Health in the Workplace during the Pandemic peer review
Thank you for submitting this proposal for Mental Health in the Workplace during the Pandemic. The topic chosen is very interesting and an important issue to address. Amazing work in providing a good basis for the issue and what should be done to solve this problem. Here are some of my feedback on your proposal:
First impressions
A major strength of this proposal is that it is kept simple and clear for the reader. The clarity of expression is done well and it went straight to the issue.
- Mentioning “how working at home is creating an imbalance between personal and professional life” needs to be addressed because it truly was an issue during the peak of the pandemic.
Organization
The organization is well done. The proposal is structured and written in a logical manner and all headings are bolded and appropriately titled. Changing the word “catalyst” to something non-technical to avoid jargon.
Introduction
- The introduction was very clear and specific,
- i.e went straight to the point of the problem and why should we care.
- a clear piece of background information about COVID-19 is provided with the changes that occurred as a result of the pandemic.
- The introduction a clear outline of the problem and the proposal’s purpose.
Statement of problem
- A clear description of the health effects that emerged due to working at home and how the loss of jobs has impacted people’s life and mental health.
- “over the past two years with Zoom calls and remote learning, there has been a direct correlation to increased feelings of loneliness, disconnect, and social anxiety
- “There have been endless stories of employee burnout”
Proposed Solution
This section clearly states what could be done to help people cope with the stresses they experience in the workplace.
Scope
This section provides a clear outline of the 5 inquiries that will be used for investigating the issue.
Methods
The plan for conducting personal interviews with employees in various industries, creating an in-depth survey and examining statistical data sources is well-thought-out, reasonable and within the time restraints of the assignment. It should fully inform the five areas of inquiry.
Grammar
Please refer to the following in regards to minor grammatical errors:
Introduction
- replace zero to no “face-to-face interaction with their colleagues”
- change catalysts to something different to avoid jargon
- Add has in front of “contributed”
Statement of Problem
- replace As for “Now that”
- replace have to has for constancy i.e keep it past tense or present tense
Proposed Solution
- at an Oxford comma (add a comma after “and)
Scope
- Maybe change “shaped ” to impacted or affected
Methods
- Maybe add a colon after “industries)” because it’s a list.
- This looks like a run-on, maybe add a semi-colon after individuals.
My Qualifications
- add an “in” after work
Work Cited
Some information looked like they are from the web. It is best to add citations, so (1) it will back up your claims and (2) avoid plagiarism. For example,
- “increased feelings of loneliness, disconnect, and social anxiety. “
- There have been endless stories of employee burnout
Final note
- change some words
- add in more citations
- replace some words
I hope my comments are useful and I enjoyed peer-reviewing your work. I think this topic is very important to address, so good job. It was well written and well organized. This report will make small changes even stronger and offer an important discussion about this issue.