Peer reviews

Peer review- Definition Assignment 

To: Danae Echeverria, ENGL 301 team member

From: Peter Yang, ENGL 301 Student

Date: 10, June 2022

Subject: Expanded definition, Romanticism

First Impressions

I have read over your first draft and I think you did a great job on this assignment. I can tell that you are very familiar with this term based on how clear you are with explaining the term. That being said, as a non-technical reader, I could easily understand what Romanticism means. Here are some of my comments:

Voice:

  • the voice throughout the assignment is appropriate and understanding. 
  • maintained a professional tone throughout the document without any jargon
  • went straight to the point and kept it simple. 
  • does not show any wordiness

Clarity 

  • I find your assignment very specific and very clear in explaining the different definitions, facts and examples
  • you did a great job explaining the history of romanticism
  • images really helped clarify what it is.
  • please talk a little more about neoclassicism since not many people know the word
  •  your example of the French Revolution and the examples of Romanticism is very interesting
  • The summary at the end of the document is also done very well.
  • the explanation of the figures gives a context of what it meant instead of just an image.

Grammar

Your grammar is great. I really can’t find any mistakes.

Organization

  • well done with the organization 
  • starting with an overview of what will be discussed in the assignment gives the reader about 
  • a great job in the use of headlines,
    • adds a type of flow throughout the assignment
  • the images that you chose provide a good visual representation of what is romanticism 

Citations

  • adding some more citations to the document would strengthen your assignment. 
    • you can insert a citation for this:” In the 18th century, the term developed in close association with Romantique, connoting a tendency towards romantic ideas, in which case the word-forming element “ism” highlights its status as an artistic movement.”
  • Adding some citations in the history section 

Please note:

  • More citations
  • more informationabout neoclassicism

Overall, I enjoyed reading your document and learned a lot about Romanticism., Thank you for the detailed explanation of the term. I hope my comments and suggestions are useful.

Peer review- Formal Report proposal 

By Peter Yang, 29, June 2022

To: Juanita Kwok team member

From: Peter Yang

Date: 29, June 2022

Subject: Proposal for determining the Impact of Mental Health in the Workplace during the Pandemic peer review 

Thank you for submitting this proposal for Mental Health in the Workplace during the Pandemic. The topic chosen is very interesting and an important issue to address. Amazing work in providing a good basis for the issue and what should be done to solve this problem. Here are some of my feedback on your proposal:

First impressions

A major strength of this proposal is that it is kept simple and clear for the reader. The clarity of expression is done well and it went straight to the issue. 

  • Mentioning “how working at home is creating an imbalance between personal and professional life” needs to be addressed because it truly was an issue during the peak of the pandemic. 

Organization

The organization is well done. The proposal is structured and written in a logical manner and all headings are bolded and appropriately titled. Changing the word “catalyst” to something non-technical to avoid jargon.

Introduction

  •  The introduction was very clear and specific,
  • i.e went straight to the point of the problem and why should we care.
  •  a clear piece of background information about COVID-19 is provided with the changes that occurred as a result of the pandemic.
  • The introduction a clear outline of the problem and the proposal’s purpose.

Statement of problem

  • A clear description of the health effects that emerged due to working at home and how the loss of jobs has impacted people’s life and mental health.
  • “over the past two years with Zoom calls and remote learning, there has been a direct correlation to increased feelings of loneliness, disconnect, and social anxiety 
  • “There have been endless stories of employee burnout”

Proposed Solution

This section clearly states what could be done to help people cope with the stresses they experience in the workplace.

Scope

This section provides a clear outline of the 5 inquiries that will be used for investigating the issue.

Methods

The plan for conducting personal interviews with employees in various industries, creating an in-depth survey and examining statistical data sources is well-thought-out, reasonable and within the time restraints of the assignment. It should fully inform the five areas of inquiry.

Grammar

Please refer to the following in regards to minor grammatical errors:

Introduction

  • replace zero to no “face-to-face interaction with their colleagues”
  • change catalysts to something different to avoid jargon
  • Add has in front of “contributed”

Statement of Problem

  • replace As for “Now that”
  •   replace have to has for constancy i.e keep it past tense or present tense

Proposed Solution

  • at an Oxford comma (add a comma after “and)

Scope

  • Maybe change “shaped ” to impacted or affected

Methods

  • Maybe add a colon after “industries)” because it’s a list.
  • This looks like a run-on, maybe add a semi-colon after individuals.

My Qualifications 

  • add an “in” after work

Work Cited

Some information looked like they are from the web. It is best to add citations, so (1) it will back up your claims and (2) avoid plagiarism. For example,

  • “increased feelings of loneliness, disconnect, and social anxiety. “
  • There have been endless stories of employee burnout

Final note

  • change some words
  • add in more citations
  • replace some words

 

I hope my comments are useful and I enjoyed peer-reviewing your work. I think this topic is very important to address, so good job. It was well written and well organized. This report will make small changes even stronger and offer an important discussion about this issue.

Peer Review – formal report 

To: Ethan Fung, ENGL 301, team member

From: Peter Yang, ENGL 301 student

CC: Ethan Fung

Date: July 27, 2022

Subject: Improve Air Conditioning in Chemistry Building UBC

Hi Ethan:

I enjoyed reading your report and I think this topic is very interesting and important. Here are my comments and suggestions:

First Impressions

This final report draft is impressive and engaging. Specifically, the

Overall impressions

  • The report maintained a professional tone throughout the entire document.
  • Data well used to support air conditioning in Chemistry Building.
  • An easy-to-read and clear writing style.
  • Visuals displaying survey findings are clear and properly placed
  • Some definitions should be included since not everyone took or majored in Chemistry

Content

So far the content includes:

  • Title page
  • Table of contents
  • Introduction
  • Body section with headings
  •  illustrations
  • List of conclusions and recommendations
  • Works cited list

Abstracts

  • There should be an abstract

Table of contents

  • All sections discussed in the report including illustrations are listed in the Table of contents.

Introduction

  • The report provides a very detailed history of the significance of the Chemistry Building and how the temperature regulation with no air conditioning is a problem.
  • You also have discussed the effects of what is Global Warming and how it can impact the environment.
  • In addition, a detailed discussion of how global warming threatens the safety of students and staff due to the proliferation of chemicals and inflammable substances within the building.
  • The Methods and Scope section is laid in a clear and logical order
  • A clear description of what questions will be asked
  • The report has identified and analyzed a problem(Air conditioning issue in Chemistry Building)
  • Please provide an Abstract
  • Please explain what is the HVDirect website in one sentence
  • The significance of the report is clearly described.
    • A discussion of the benefits of installing air conditioning
      • 1. It would increase the safety of the building by mitigating hazards imposed by high temperatures
      • 2.         It would increase the comfortability of the building
      • 3.         It would ensure the reproducibility of temperature-sensitive results

Results

  • Each sub-section is clearly discussed and with efficient details.
    • I.e ​​labs, then classrooms, then common areas, then hallways, and finally offices in last place (Figure 4).
  • Include a brief discussion of what is dichloromethane (DCM), diethyl ether, pentane, and dimethyl sulfoxide (DMSO).
  • The sub-section: “Properties of temperature sensitive solvents” is too complex add some more information that helps clarify what those scientific words are. I.e definition of each.
  • It is best to provide a definition for solvents because not everyone majors in Chemistry.
  • Recommended workable and affordable solutions are clearly identified.
    • Very detailed description
  • The results section follows a clear and logical order.
    • Follows the exact order as the graphs
  • Headings help with the organization of the report
    • Clearly identifies what will be discussed.
  • Discussion of each table and graph is expressed in detail
  • Some scientific terms need clarification
    • I.e pentanes as hexanes provide a safer alternative and have a higher boiling point.

Conclusion

  • Underlining should be consistent
    • Analysis of Survey – Climate change
  • All topics and results discussed are summarized in detail
  • Definition for some scientific terms should be defined again for clarification, for non-technical readers
  • A recommendation sub-topic should be included as mentioned in the text-book

Organization

  • The organization of the draft is done clear and effective
  • All Headings and subheadings are used effectively.
    • Helped with clarifying the specific topic and graphs that will be discussed in the section.
    • Bolding and underlining clarify the section
  • Word is used appropriately(12 font, Times New Roman)
  • Graphs are placed in the appropriate section
  • All sections are connected in an organized order and based on the order of graphs
  • there are some pages that are left with too much space
    • I. the conclusion can move up a bit.

Style

  • The report is objectively written with no personal opinion
    • I.e “The students, staff, and faculty of UBC chemistry agree that air conditioning would be a great addition to the chemistry building”.
  • The report maintains a positive tone.
  • A couple of paragraphs that include scientific terms are hard to follow
    • I.e “Properties of temperature sensitive solvents” is really hard to follow because no definitions or description is mentioned.
  • Your report does follow the “you attitude”
    • Questions relating to the first four topics were released as three different online surveys and sent to various students, faculty, and staff of UBC chemistry through email and social media platforms
  • Some paragraphs in the results should be revised because of the technical words

Design

  • All graphics are well-designed, correctly and effectively labelled, and effectively integrated into the print content of the report.
  • Each graph is created very clear and visually appealing.
  • It would be nice if more images were to be included apart from graphs.
  • An abstract should be included
  • The various colours help distinguish each graph

Grammar

  • I don’t see many grammar mistakes
  • there are some sentences that are confusing
  • Some editing would do the trick
  • Final Impressions
  • add some definitions to the scientific word
    • provide a definition for solvents
  • keep unlines consistent
  • add an abstract
  • add in more descriptions of what they are.
    • pentanes as hexanes

Note 

  • Add in definitions for each scientific word
  • like pentanes as hexanes and solvents

Final comments

I really enjoyed reading your report. This looks very professional, and I can tell that you are following the steps of writing a lab report. I find it very informative and intriguing, so well done. However, as mentioned above, a lot of words you used are too advanced for a non-technical reader to understand. I recommend providing a definition and its properties. I have never been to the Chemistry Building before, so I don’t have any preference but it seems this is an important issue to be aware of. The graphs look very nice too and it is very clear. Overall, good job!

I hope my comments are helpful.