Dear Paul Bucci,

I wanted to express my adoration for the newspaper that is filled with juicy UBC goodness like a jelly filled doughnut. Every Monday I pick it up in Lasserre before I go to my scary modern art lecture and every Thursday I grab it in Totem on my way to the dining hall. Yes, I am one of those people who ask themselves, “what day is today?” only to figure out if there is a new issue printed and ready for my little hands to flip through. Thank you for being printed twice a week. Others should follow in your example like Christmas or birthdays. Wouldn’t it be magical- Christmas twice a week?

Thank you for keeping me company when I stand in long lines on campus like the sandwich bar in the dining hall or when I’m at Starbucks in the SUB. Paul, can I call you Paul? I will. Paul, thank you for working so hard on such an important piece of.. dare I say?  Literature. I can picture you now, working away in your office in the SUB, spending those long Sunday and Wednesday nights putting together the final pieces of the paper. If I wasn’t just some random UBC Blog Squad girl, Paul, I’d bring you some bubble tea or some yam sushi from the Honour Roll and I’d make your day a little less stressful.

I do have one question for you, Paulie. Who chooses the advertisements for The Ubyssey and where they are placed in the layouts? A few weeks ago, these “MULTI ORGASMIC SEX” advertisements started appearing next to other ads like “PROFESSIONAL EDITING.” I don’t know what the reader demographic is for the campus paper but, maybe if I was a lonely student or more adventurous, I would appreciate the photo of the girl with the sex toy in her hands. Even better is the line that states “15% Off with UBC Student Card.” Yippy.

I can only imagine the kind of person you are. Probably brown hair, maybe glasses, and you eat a lot of Subway. Those are my guesses. My biggest wonder is if you are an iPhone or a BlackBerry kind of guy. If you are a BlackBerry kind of guy, I think we could get along mighty fine and even search for my BlackBerry thief together.

In the end, words cannot describe my burning passion that I have for The Ubyssey and such a hard working editor. So much so that I write this over-dramatized letter publicly on my blog. If you ever need someone to bring you lots of Asian food or write articles like “Going drag for Cantonese opera” then surely you know that I’m your girl. Keep up your good work, Paulie.

Sincerly your dearest reader,

Erica