Posted on behalf of Jordan Johnston, Student Communications Services
Well, dear passengers on the rock hurtling through space and time that is Earth, we’ve made a full journey around the sun since we all got kicked into Plague Mode. It’s been a long and difficult 12 months for everyone, but some of those months have certainly been longer and difficult-er than others.
To commemorate the past year, we’re ranking all the months of working from home. This ranking is the result of a highly intensive scientific process that takes into account novelty, Internet memes, weather, and most importantly, my own very subjective opinion.
Which month will come out on top? Will the bread-baking heyday of April take the cake? Or how about the sunny halcyon days of August? Is there a dark-horse contender in December? Find out!
# 13. February
Oof. What can I say about this depraved month? Add up the gloomy weather, fatigue, the fact that the most interesting piece of pop culture people seemed to be talking about was WandaVision, and you’ve got a grim month. At least it was short.
The month started out with hope as a new year dawned…then it turned out things were mostly the same as they were last year. As your supply of holiday treats dwindled, you began to wonder—is this reverse Groundhog Day, where I become more and more like curmudgeonly Bill Murray with every repetitive day that passes? Self improvement? New Year’s resolutions? Never heard of them.
#11. March I
Pronounced “March the First,” like the head of a dynasty. And what a dynasty of months this has been! You probably tried working from bed at least a few days in March 2020, during the first weeks of working from home. You’ve since learned that you cannot work from bed. The unpleasantness of this month gets notched up a spot for the novelty.
Famously one of the least popular months in a good year, last November had the dark distinction of welcoming us back to lockdown as well as winter weather. November was a long month. Looooooooooooooooooong. In a moment of weakness, you might have downloaded TikTok. How you wish you could return to the sweet innocence of the before-times. Before TikTok, that is.
Yes, the beckoning of spring weather was nice, but as we reached two months working from home, all the novelty had worn off and the slog was really beginning. You’d baked all the bread. You’d rewatched your favourite TV show. You started hallucinating a troupe of circus clowns to keep you company while you filled out spreadsheets…No? Just me? Moving on!
Reaching the end of the year, we were all EXHAUSTED! The effort it took for me to type out that word in all-caps would have been TOO MUCH for me in December. December me is slumped over, asleep just thinking about the fervor of those all-caps words. In this ranking, December gains points for some time to rest over the holidays.
Another long month, April is best remembered as a daze of binging TV and snacks, or best not remembered at all. Just like being a baby. A baby with a job. Is it okay to nap during your lunch break?
I have absolutely no idea what happened in October. This month gains points because I liked my last-minute Halloween costume and for re-popularizing chess via The Queen’s Gambit. After a long reprieve, you hallucinate the clowns again. You sigh as you return to your spreadsheet. Here we go again.
Might have been ranked higher if not for the wildfire smoke, though I did have a fun, ill-advised walk where I pretended I was escaping Isengard in Middle Earth. The (relative) highs of summer got us through.
#4. March II
The current month is only half-over as I type this, but it’s been… fine? Yes, we’re all tired, and yes, the anniversary of working from home has made me contemplate not celebrating my birthday this year so I can pretend I’m the same age I was before the pandemic, but the sun is coming out and there’s hope in the air.
Loosening restrictions and warmer weather gave us the sense that we could get through all this. You finally mastered how to share your screen over Zoom, and promptly muted yourself by accident. You dream that you are eaten by the Zoom app. It is warm and quiet inside the Zoom app’s belly. You sleep well that night.
You had no idea you could spend so much time in parks. You began to consider whether you should just move to the park. Cheaper rent, surely? You’ve already bought and killed so many plants. So many of them. They didn’t deserve your cruel hand. In a park, things just… grow themselves? Is that how that works? PARKS.
Taylor Swift released Folklore in late July, but really, it was an August album, so August gets those bonus points. August was a lot like July. It was warm. PARKS. BEACHES. In a moment of sun-drenched delirium, you asked your hair stylist to “give [you] the Bonnie Henry.” You realize you haven’t hallucinated the troupe of circus clowns in a while, and are relieved, but they’ll be back…Oh, how they’ll be back… *terrifying clown laughter*
Here’s to the next 12 months—they’ll be better! Right? RIGHT?!??!?