Memories, they are what I cling to. The memories of childhood, being wrapped in my grandparent’s arms, or my very first performance on stage, these are memories I hope I never forget. This is where the fear of forgetting comes into play. I have always associated forgetting with darkness, an entity that would sweep over my mind, taking with it all the memories of my past. To not be able to recall people’s faces, important events, it’s terrifying. Part of this fear comes from seeing my late uncle, who suffered from severe Alzheimer’s disease, forgetting everything he learned, from how to cook, to even his own family members. It broke my heart to see his mind slowly waste away, and I could not help but think, what would happen if my parents forget me one day. What would happen if I forget them?
Since September, our ASTU class has read, watched, and discussed a lot about memory. From watching Sarah Polley’s “Stories We Tell,” to reading Marjane Satrapi’s “Persepolis,” it seemed to strengthen the concept that the preservation of memories is crucial. Memory shapes identity, influences history, preserves culture; however, forgetting appears to erase all that. To forget and to remember are typically viewed as opposites, while remembering forms memories, forgetting obliterates them. However, after being assigned to write a literature review this month on the topic of forgetting in memory, it provided an opportunity for me to see forgetting in a different light; not the one that “parasitically haunts the act of recollection,” (Vivian, 2010) but one that is mutually important to the formation of memory and identity.
Through researching the works of various scholars such as Bradford Vivian and Marita Sturken, I found that without forgetting, remembering ceases to exist. Remembering exists because of our ability to forget. If we could not forget, there is no longer any need to remember. The ability to forget makes memories more valuable. This may also explain why so many individuals hold on to memories so firmly, because forgetting makes remembering so much more important.
This made me question the way I protect my memories. I often find myself taking my phone out to capture a moment, believing that this is the best way to remember what occurred at that time. I try so desperately to remember everything, that in the process, I end up forgetting to enjoy the moment I am in. According to The British Psychological Society, taking photos may hinder memories. One suggestion for this reason, is that “we give less attention to an experience when we know that it will be safely stored in a photograph.” I oftenexperience the moment I am in, whether it is at a restaurant, the beach, or at a party, through the lense of my camera, instead of being present with those around me.
There are many moments in my life I miss. I find my mind wandering back to many of these events as I go about my day to day life. However, by doing so, I am stuck in the past, unable to move forward and be fully present. It’s a wonderful thing to remember, but it’s also wonderful to forget. I’ve found, after completing my literature review, that forgetting alleviates a lot of the burden we often put on ourselves to remember. We are all bound to forget certain details, no matter how important the person, thing, or event was in our life; it’s inevitable. It made me realize that I cannot control whether my family members or myself get diagnosed with a disease such as Alzheimer’s or Dementia, but what I can control is how I choose to spend my time with those around me.
