Adventures in the Dining Hall

Going into residence, I had preconceptions about the whole “dining experience.” I imagined intimidating women in hairnets serving out helpings of beef slop, veggie slop and surprise slop, which would just be a beef and veggie slop blend. I hate giving in to clichés, but there was a part of my brain that truly believed that’s how it would be. It’s also the part that tries convincing me Pop-Tarts are somewhat healthy and that walking to the fourth floor burns off routinely eaten pie.

Walking into the hall was a grand experience. There was no slop! There was pita bread, stir-fry, chicken skewers and roast beef. Oh how I love roast beef. I went straight for it. It was love at first smell. The succulent gravy, the lightly pink middle, the potent tang of that outer layer. I relished as the server carved the mighty roast, struggling, still fighting with it to slice out a serving of my favourite meat. She dipped the geometrically pleasing ladle in the gravy tub and poured sweet victory over my roast. I topped it off with some cauliflower and a strip of garlic bread to produce a meal worthy of a king. King of England, King of Floors, King of Late Night, any King. The food is great. What it lacks in love it makes up in quantity. Enough of anything trumps love eventually, especially when anything involves gravy.

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So Much Walking

Now, I could talk to you about classes, prepare you for the barrage of post-secondary academic turmoil. I could incite wisdom upon thy mind to be a better student and a better citizen. I could do that, but I’d much rather focus on something far more trivial, walking.

Think you’ll fall victim to the Freshman 15? Not if you’re an Arts student at Totem who likes baby carrots. So much walking. My exercise used to be getting up…and that’s it. So for someone who has to walk across campus and back every day, I both dread and treasure the experience. I dread it when it’s 8:46 am, my kettle won’t work and the shower is feeling quite cynical, or to put it un-pretentiously, cold. So damn cold. Seriously, did someone need all the hot water for a steam-powered car? That would suggest an Engineer. I’ll look into that. Although, I like walking when it’s a good morning, like in Disney sit-coms, which as we all know stands for Disney Situational Commercialization. There, I’m being all political and edgy. Deal with it establishment! It’s all the Man, man. Take your [insert political adjective] [insert political noun] out of [insert stupid cause, like domestic abuse against vegetables or petitioning for more cat-sitters].

Hey, I’m just the messenger, the incredibly confusing messenger who’s supposed to be taking about walking.

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I just can’t wait for winter

That warm glow on your back. The soothing splash of an afternoon dip. The insatiable hunger for more warmth, more sunlight, more sand nestled in the nooks and crannies of one’s body only summer can find.

Ugh. Hate it.

I just can’t wait for winter. Sorry to douse the fire of this waning season, but a Vancouver summer just isn’t for me. It’s no Caribbean here, no Coastal California, no Cuba. Woah, all the hot spots start with c. That’s crazy, cuckoo, cockney, criminal! And you know what, all the cold places start with i. Bear with my nonsense, please. Please! Iceland, Iqaluit, Ireland (it’s a stretch, I know). It’s basically the coldest letter of them all. That’s why the tribble (the dot over the i) broke off. The whole letter’s an iceberg and the tribble broke away, pushing grammar climatologists to challenge the world over textual climate change. I see that you bore with my nonsense. Well done. It’s quite a lot of nonsense to bear with. It’s like the Great Pacific Garbage Patch of nonsense.

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Imagine All The People

As you’ve heard from the hordes of UBC-goers, Imagine Day came and went, inspiring thousands of healthy minds to create their innovative futures full of love and joy. But hey, us students just like to yell in stadiums.

Let me break it down for you.

My Undergraduate Group, cutely named MUG, was supposed to meet at the disappointing and sigh-worthy time of 8:15 am, outside the Frederic Wood Theatre. I woke up at 7:30 am, which rang in my first “People wake up at this time?” feeling of the academic year. I know some of you think 7:30 is easy but when you cross-reference that with my regular summer rise-and-shine hours, the discrepancies are quite noticeable. Strange how the hottest season is the one that feels the most like heaven in the morning. Being more experienced and dominant, my “Let’s go back to sleep” area of the brain easily overpowered the part where my dreams, desires and potential are. I mean, the pillow’s right there beside me. A healthy career, love and success, is not. Good decisions are not made with pillows near.

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The Move.

Ah, the day of reckoning, the final countdown, the gargantuanly supreme moment of life-altering totality.

The move out.

Or move in, I guess, but that all depends on your half-full/half-empty stance of life psychologists seem to rave about. Some see the glass half-full and some see the glass half-empty, but one idealistic genius, sarcasm semi-intended, saw millions of post-secondary minds mulling over a basic analogy for optimism and pessimism, a subject many people could have understood with a simple:

“Some people are happy. Some people are sad. That’s all folks.”

And then the Looney Tunes logo would play them out and everyone would return to life a little happier and a little smarter with a skip in their step and warmth in their heart.

But that’s not how life plays out. And that’s not what this blog should be about either.

All right, the move out. Or move in. Damn my repetitive mind!

Okay, I’ll paint the picture.

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