My journey through the UBC B.Ed. program has been a roller coaster ride full of extreme ups and downs. Each experience was unique and informed my teaching practices as a new teacher.
In terms of how the program has influenced my understanding of educational issues, after taking courses such as social justice, I’ve learned to examine issues in the field of education much more critically. I think the courses in the program such as social justice, classroom environment, and ethics showed me that there is so much more to being an educator than just teaching the subject material in the classroom.
In some ways, I’ve resisted the influence of the UBC B.Ed. program by maintaining my own style of doing things. I did not agree with how we were taught to assess students in the assessment course, so I resisted the influence of the program by adhering to my own assessment practices as well as what my school advisors showed me.
A critical moment or a moment of rupture was when I withdrew from my first long practicum last year. Prior to beginning my secondary practicum last year, I will admit I was not as prepared as I should have been. I did not have a lot of experience teaching in a classroom setting, so I did not know what to expect, especially when faced with a room full of teenage students. I went into my first practicum not knowing what kinds of rules and expectations I wanted to establish with my students. This allowed the students in one block of grade 9 English to push the limits, and by the time I tried to institute a new set of rules, it was too late and they did not take me seriously.
It was also clear to my advisors and myself that I was severely lacking in confidence. I was so timid during my short practicum that I stuttered on the first day when I was introducing myself, and I circulated among the students pointlessly, too shy to even ask what they were working on. In my long practicum, I was very confident when I was teaching grade 11 English and IB Mandarin, but I never quite felt comfortable with that one class of grade 9 English. I struggled really hard with re-establishing my teacher presence, but in the end I just was not confident enough.
Lack of preparation was another area that severely undermined my ability to excel in my first practicum. I did not have extra material or activities prepared, and I often got through the items in my lesson plans too quickly, leaving awkward pauses and thereby making the students even more likely to disengage from learning.
Due to a combination of the aforementioned factors, my faculty advisor issued a notice of concern and gave me two weeks to improve. I rallied in the fourth week of my practicum and my advisors agreed to let me continue under the condition that I could not have any more classroom management incidents, but during the fifth week I panicked when I realized I had forgotten to assign the chapters that I wanted them to read for homework. The lesson quickly fell apart and I had all sorts of issues with some students mocking me behind my back. I called my faculty advisor in tears, and she advised me to withdraw and re-attempt the practicum the following year. She was very supportive and consoled me by saying I was still young and it is totally fine to take another year.
After withdrawing from my practicum at Churchill, I stayed at the school as a volunteer and humbly learned from some of the best teachers. I practiced interacting with students, taught a few lessons, and rebuilt my confidence. I learned a lot from the experience and grew both as a person and a future educator. For my practicum this year, I was still not very confident at the beginning and there were still quite a few awkward pauses in my lessons, but over the ten weeks I demonstrated immense growth, as is evidenced in my final reports written by my advisors. I improved a lot in my ability to handle unforeseen circumstances, and abided firmly by the rules that I established with my students.
Overall, even though withdrawing from my first long practicum delayed my graduation from the program for a year, I don’t really regret the experience because it made me stronger and more confident. I was pushed to overcome my fears and limitations and become a better teacher. I learned a lot from the courses I took after my withdrawal and got a lot of support from my professors and classmates.