Reading Marguerite Duras’s The Lover is a genuinely disorienting experience. It’s essentially an autobiographical novel about a fifteen(ish?) year-old French girl who begins a passionate affair with a wealthy, older Chinese man.
A detail I found interesting about the novel is how it actively deprives us of the lover’s identity. For example, we know he drives a black limousine and wears the light suits of Saigon bankers, but we never learn his actual name. We barely even get a concrete description of his face. He is strictly “the Chinese man” or “the lover.” I think keeping him a mystery is a deliberate power move by Duras. By stripping away his personal details, she turns him into a vessel for the narrator’s own awakening and a means of escaping her family’s abuse and financial situation. In some other books we’ve read in this course, women are the unnamed, mysterious objects of the male gaze, but Duras does the opposite. Perhaps that is one difference between male and female authors. It proves the story was never really about him; instead, it’s about her (Duras) claiming ownership over her own past and memories.
The deliberate de-centering of ‘The Lover’ leads right into the most uncomfortable debate surrounding the book: of whether or not she is truly a victim. On paper, the dynamic is glaringly abusive. She is a minor, and he is a much older adult operating in a colonial society where her family despises him for his race but actively uses him to pay off their massive debts. It has all the textbook markers of exploitation. Yet, the narrator describes herself as fully aware of the transactional nature of the affair from the very beginning, and she actively claims her own sexual desire rather than framing it as something done to her. For her, the relationship is a calculated stepping stone, a way to finally separate herself from her terrifying older brother and her mother’s suffocating despair.
Ultimately, I really enjoyed how the book forces you into such a morally grey area. It doesn’t hand you easy answers, but instead provokes real thought about morality, race, gender, and toxic family dynamics. Plus, as someone who is Southeast Asian /Chinese, the setting just felt much more local and relatable to me compared to the other books we’ve read, which made me enjoy it a lot more.
My discussion Question for the week would be: How would you interpret the narrator’s role in the affair —do you see her primarily as a victim of her circumstances, or does her intense self-agency make you think otherwise?
15 replies on “Thoughts on The Lover”
Hello Fiona, I really enjoyed reading your blog. I like how you pointed out the un-nameness of the chinese man and the analogy of the vessel. I feel that the narator is not a victim, because of her self awareness in every situation with him and every decision that she makes for him. I kind of like the morally grey notion too because people can have different opinions about it rather than books like agostino!
Hi Fiona! To answer your question, despite the narrators ‘control’ in this relationship I think its important to remember that although she might mentally have a hold on the choices between her relationship there are also unconscious ‘transactions’ that might coerce her to make that decision. Like you said with her home situation, especially financially the lover might seem like the best option for her – trading herself for a chance at a better life – making her a victim of his lust.
“I think keeping him a mystery is a deliberate power move by Duras. By stripping away his personal details, she turns him into a vessel for the narrator’s own awakening and a means of escaping her family’s abuse and financial situation.”
Yes, this is a good point (in what is a great blog post as a whole). He is interchangeable in some ways–and note that in other versions of the story that Duras writes elsewhere, he is apparently quite different. Perhaps this is part of the transactionality of the whole situation, the way in which she is using him as much (or more?) as he is using her. Though I think in the end she recognizes that, on both sides, there is more to the affair than mere transactionality, though perhaps they could never have acknowledged or talked about that.
Hi Fiona. Just wanted to start off by saying great blog post! To answer your question, I think she is a victim in some sense, like being strictly portrayed as beautiful because she is a French white girl. Her privilege stands, but also lowers her into this sexual image. On the other hand, her intense self-agency and maturity for her age makes me think she has fallen victim to the Chinese man’s lust. She can’t help herself yet; she’s fully aware that their relationship falls in the morally grey area, like you mentioned.
Hi, Fiona! I think that although the narrator thinks that she has agency, it has to be noted that there is an imbalanced power dynamic which leads to her being used and victimized especially because of the age gap
Hi Fiona, I think the debate on whether the author is a victim or not is a pretty significant one in this book as we discussed in class. Although she writes as if she were fully conscious of the nature of this relationship how can one be this aware at the age of 15, like for example at the age of 15 I thought my mother hated me for not letting me go out on a school night. So I believe this could be relative from the standing point you take on the situation. To add to that, you actually pointed out something that hadn’t clicked for me, she does not at any point mention her lover’s name which does significantly impact the perception we have as readers of the lack of identity this man possesses further than his money, which she makes a point in talking about a lot.
Hi Fiona, this is a great blogpost! I like how you brought up the detachment regarding the Chinese man, with his namelessness. “By stripping away his personal details, she turns him into a vessel for the narrator’s own awakening and a means of escaping her family’s abuse and financial situation.”– really great, thought-provoking line! To answer your question, I feel like although she certainly has power and authority in the relationship, it does not remove the fact that she is a victim. There is a clear power imbalance, particularly with their age gap. It is also important to note that she was only 15. Nowadays, many fifteen year old, especially young girls, can’t even go out after school.
Hi Fiona,
I think that the narrator’s role in the affair has been mainly circumstantial but also to a degree somewhat her own actions, but in a way she believes since she holds the power over the man emotionally she is in control. The thing is, I feel that her family and home situation have almost in a way set her up for this life, and I’d almost argue her mother has failed her duties as a mother and groomed her in a way for this type of life. It’s made clear many times that the mother doesn’t mind where the money is coming from and lets her dress a certain way which she shouldn’t as a child, but she has some moments of feeling guilt where she lashes out to beat the girl for this type of behaviour. The girl’s reference point for life is her family’s teachings, so I felt she thought this was just a transition which would happen for girls. It’s hard to know what’s actually normal when your normal point of reference is f**ked up.
Hello Fiona,
I really enjoyed reading your blog post. You made severals points (that I enjoy and agree with). MY favourite one: “It proves the story was never really about him; instead, it’s about her (Duras) claiming ownership over her own past and memories.” Yes, I do agree that perhaps for Duras, writing “the Lover” was about revisiting her past and also claiming ownership of her memories.
Hey Fiona,
I see the narrator primarily as a victim even if she insists on her own agency. She can seem like as she is aware of the transactional nature of the relationship, but she is still extremely young and shaped by a difficult environment in poverty, a distant mother, and an abusive brother. Those conditions limit and influence what real choices are available to her. Also, her sense of control might reflect how she later interprets the experience, trying to reclaim some agency over a situation where the power imbalance was very real. So while her voice expresses desire and forward -thinking , I think the novel still reveals how deeply her actions are shaped by vulnerability and the pressures around her.
Hi Fiona, I really liked your point about the Chinese man being unnamed and how that centers the story on the narrator instead of him. For your question, I personally don’t think she really has agency. Even if she believes she is making the choice, she’s still only fifteen and in a very vulnerable situation with an older, wealthier man. Because of the age gap and power imbalance, I see her more as a victim of her circumstances.
Hi Fiona,
I loved your question! I think that despise Duras being a minor and is much younger than her lover, she chose to be in the affair among other things. She also is in control of their relationship even thought he is the one with money. She did not acknowledged him at the family dinner and there are many occasions which she emasculating him. but I can also see this as a way of rewriting the relationship so that she is seen as the one in control!
Hi Fiona! I love how you noticed the power move made by duras by not mentioning any details of the lover apart from referring him as a Chinese man. I definitely agree that it was deliberate and a way of saying she’s still in control of her narration! To answer your question, despite her being a minor I do believe that she was in control of her actions. She pushed for the affair and infact had no qualms of people speculating about her business. Besides, she herself acknowledges that she always knew more than her lover and that his decisions don’t amount to much. Instances like the dinner was one such place where she and her family disregarded him like he was invisible and solely used him in their eyes for one redeeming purpose, his money.
I liked your point about how the lover never really gets a name or clear identity in the novel. I hadn’t thought about how that could shift the focus more onto the narrator and her experiences rather than on him. Your idea that this reverses the usual dynamic where women are often the mysterious figures in stories was really interesting. I also agree that the relationship feels very morally grey because while she is clearly very young, the narrator also presents herself as aware of what she is doing and why. That tension makes the story more complex and uncomfortable to judge in a simple way.
Comment made by M.Aurelia