To: Salma Ismail, English 301 Student Writer
From: Gareth Yuen, English 301 Student Reviewer
Date: April 3, 2023
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft for Mental Health Programs and Services for Newcomer Youth: Exploring Needs and Enhancing Access
Thank you for submitting the formal report draft for mental health programs and Services for newcomer youth: exploring needs and enhancing access. This draft is well-organized, professionally written, inspiring, and meaningful. Please see below for suggestions that could help improve the final formal report.
Initial Impressions:
This draft is exceptionally organized and written in a professional tone. Correct in-text citations can be seen throughout the paper, supporting sufficient evidence to build a solid report. Headings are easy to sight and read as it is in bold and show a clear correlation to the title of mental health issue. The strategies of including appealing visuals and data that support the report’s premise are very well done. However, there are pending improvements for the overall design, citations, and grammatical errors that should be revised. I recommend attentive proofreading for the general contents, including visuals and formatting. Reading the report from the audience’s perspective to see what can be improved would be beneficial because readability and impression can determine the audience’s attention. It would be a shame if a problem of design and grammar hindered the intended audience’s decision-making. Overall, the initial impression is very positive as it is a sound and valid formal report supported by convincing evidence.
Content:
This draft contains all the required sections for assignment 3.2.
- The introduction started with a description of the problem, straight to the point.
- Followed by purpose and method to state intention and evidence.
- The terminology section covered the three significant phrases that double as background.
- Survey findings with a list of collected adat highlights are clear.
- Four figures with explanation in total for review
- Two literal review sections
- Conclusion of findings for summary and recommendations.
Organization:
The draft is clear and effective, giving readers a clear sense of what they are reading, making it effective.
- The formal report draft is well-organized overall, and all the subheadings are paginated and effective.
- The parts of the report are all clearly connected to one another, building a strong case.
Style:
The draft is written in a professional and friendly tone, and it adequately reflects YOU attitude.
Design:
The graphics are well-designed and visually appealing, the graphic resolution might be a bit low, but it is a common technical difficulty from data exportation.
- Inserting a header for proper MLA formatting, For example, “Ismail page number” on the top right corner
- Allocating proper spacing for the cover page can improve clarity and professionalism.
- Figure 1, being the word cloud, is a good idea but not sure if it is efficient and precise for showing statistics, even though there is a mention of data above figure one. A standard chart or table would serve the purpose better.
- Figure 2 seemed to have a sizing issue as the pie chart covered parts of the label. The color could also be confusing as the red and orange tones are too similar.
- Figure 3 seemed to have a spacing issue, as the labels and citations are broken off by a new page.
- Figure 4 is well organized and clear in delivering the interview summary.
- Changing the Works Cited list to “Works Cited” and placing it in the middle with no underlining for MLA formatting.
- Italicizing in-text citations that are speeches or conversations is not within MLA formatting needs; if necessary, please correct the italicization of “Another mentions that,” as it is not part of the quote.
- The citations are mostly correct, but please italicize the website/domain name and publisher name. For example: Access Alliance Multicultural Health and Community Services; Effective Health Care Program Research Protocol; CMAJ: Canadian Medical Association Journal
Grammar & Spelling:
This draft is professionally written with minimal observable grammatical errors. Some phrases appear wordy but can be considered personal preference or style. However, below are some minor typos that should be corrected.
- “Facilitatation” seems to be a typo p.9
- “Mental health porgrams” and “porgram facilitator” appears to be a typo p.15
Conclusion:
This excellent formal report draft exhibited passion and commitment toward the people in need. Mental health has been a problem and will continue to be if not recognized and solved. Therefore, this paper is meaningful and inspirational while well-supported by references and data.
Thank you for submitting this excellent draft for a peer review; please reach out through Yuentc@student.ubc.ca if there are any questions. Outstanding job, and good luck with the final report!
Please see the link to the reviewed report: ENGL 301 Salma Ismail Formal Report Draft