Oh, snowy night. You bring me promises of a white christmas, but all you deliver me in practice is frostbite and temptations for those who would annoy me by pelting my window with snowballs.
Sometimes I feel like I was born a grouchy old man. That doesn’t change that snow is not fun. It’s cold and wet and if you touch it it will make you cold and wet. There is nothing pleasant about the snow experience.
Winter sports are all awful. All of them are based on the premise that in winter the ground is slippery so at least 70% of the activity in any winter sport can be described as “trying not to fall down on the slippery ground” Three separate winter sports come to mind in which that description covers a full one hundred percent of the sport. You don’t exactly get a lot of options. If you want a sport that doesn’t hold a majority in trying to avoid a slip and fall, you’re out of luck. And just to coat the deal in expired sucralose, upon failing and incurring such a slip and fall, there’s more of mister cold-and-wet-and-makes-you-cold-and-wet-when-you-touch-it to break your fall. And your confidence in winter sports being a good idea.
Just about the only winter sport that isn’t built around slipping and falling is curling, and it’s such an inane sport on its own.
I shouldn’t blame winter sports for being horrible, though. It’s not their fault. It’s just because winter is horrible. Who could possibly be expected to have fun out in the cold? That’s why winter sports exist in the first place: because winter is so awful that nobody can be expected to play basketball or soccer or rugby in the snow.
Winter is by far my least favorite season.