When I was reading Amita Handa’s article “The Hall of Shame: Lies, Masks and Respectful Femininity”, I was able to make some personal connections. Although I am neither a Canadian citizen nor an immigrant from South Asia in Canada, this article spoke to me. I had to reread the line and ensure that the author was also a DJ. I thought “An Indian DJ, wow!” It is rare for Indian girls to be both an author and a DJ, for most Indian girls are expected to be reserved and conservative. The concepts of heteronormativity and gender norms have always been engrained in South Asian cultures, with certain rules that one must follow based on one’s gender. It is always the case that girls have to follow a stricter guideline, and thus are easily criticized as compared to boys. In addition, girls still lack the agency that boys have, though conditions for girls are slowly improving. The photo I’ve attached exhibits that women are expected to make their husbands happy, as if it were their sole goal in life. Is love not a mutual relationship? I highly doubt there are such courses like these for men.

This is a photo of the author Amita Handa DJ-ing at an event. I think this photo breaks a lot of stereotypes. I believe we need more females to break out of the constrained gender norms set by South Asian societies.

This is an unfortunate poster of an unfortunate course. Making it seem like girls are only born to be in heteronormative marriages and please their husbands and in-laws.

Even the notion of gender is very limited. Parents often give up their children if the child is born intersex. The only other gender term used to define people that don’t fit into the categories of male and female are transgenders. There is a lack of recognition of the LGBT community.   

When I went back home to Bangladesh this summer, I experienced my first culture shock. It felt like I was living a double life having to follow two completely different sets of traditions and values. I had more agency in Canada than I did back home, where everyone always expected me to be more reserved.

This is an image of a Dutch friend and I dressed in Bangladeshi attire at a cultural event in Vancouver. While my friend embraced experiencing a different culture, to be honest, I felt very insecure walking around campus wearing this outfit. I thought that people were judging me for dressing differently. This shows that we usually have a desire to blend in with our surrounding and follow the expected social norms.

In spite of the fact that most of the girls in Bangladesh date today, the topic of premarital sex or simply a public display of affection is still considered to be taboo. When I read the part differentiating white girls from South Asian girls, it made  me laugh. For I have countless close and extended family members telling me “not to turn into those white Canadian girls.” They think of all Canadian girls as modesty-lacking Caucasian individuals who are “fast,” sexually active, and have a fondness towards drinking alcohol.

To conclude, despite my attempts to refuse the acknowledgement of the immensely deep cultural norms, they are entrenched in many of us, South Asians.