In the millennial generation, finding our soulmates has never been easier. We have many ways and alternatives to find our true love. The dating game has never been this accessible. With the invention of dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, the internet has changed the way we are dating. In fact, 36% of Canadians (18-34 years old) find long term relationships that began online with dating applications (Thottam 2017).
Here are 4 steps to start online dating and to bring it to real life dating.
- Putting up a profile.
On a dating app, the first thing your potential dates will notice is your appearance. It takes one tenth of a second for a user to have an impression of the attractiveness of the other user (Wargo, 2006). In this one tenth of a second, a person will decide if they want to swipe left or right. So, ideally, you want to put a “good picture” of yourself. You want to make a first good impression (Human et al. 2013). Also, you also want to put a few pictures of yourselves in a different context to give a hint of your personality. For example, if you put a picture of yourself playing sports, it shows your interest in it, and you may have more chances of attracting a person with the same interests as you. Similarity is an important element in a relationship (Deal 1992).
Lastly, you might want to work on your bio. According to Tinder executive Rosette Pambiakan, men are 98 percent less likely to get a match if they leave their bios blank (Nield, 2018).
- How to approach your potential significant other.
Some apps (like Bumble) allow only the women to message first. But the majority of dating apps allow both genders to message first, such as Tinder (More, 2018).
In both cases, you want to make sure you give a good first impression so that you stand out from all the other alternatives (Human et al. 2013). You might want to look at their profile first and ask a question about it. The point here is to send a first message that stands out from all the other messages that the person might be receiving (Ellison et al. 2006).
On the hand, you don’t want to send a message that has been thought out too much because you don’t want to sound creepy.
Additionally, online daters tend to pursue users who are roughly 25% “more desirable” than they are, and, by the looks of their messages, many are well aware of the “hierarchy,” according to a study published in the journal Science Advances. The study found that the higher up we reach, the longer our messages tend to get, and the less likely we’ll get a message back (Nedelman, 2018). The takeaway from this study is that the shorter the message, the better it is.
- Asking your potential partner for a date.
By this time you should have some hint if this person is someone you would like to meet in person or not. You should see if the conversation has a certain flow and if you have some things in common. The manner in which the person expresses themselves can be very indicative of their intentions. Some red flags to look out for are short answers, not asking questions back, or just constantly flirting, which may indicate that the person is mostly interested in a more casual relationship (Hancock et al. 2007). Also, you might want to see if this person is active on other social media in order to confirm their identity (Krombholz et al. 2012).
You can simply go with the most generic way of asking someone for a date, but it’s always fun when you try to stand out. For example, if you pay attention to the person’s profile, he or she might include her favorite food or hiking spot, which you can use to surprise them. Ideally, for the first date, you might want to pick a place where there are other individuals presents and that is not too far from where you live. This way you can always find a way out if the meeting doesn’t go well. A study by Sharabi and Caughlin investigated the question of what predicts first date success, for which they recommend looking out for following most important factors:
First, look for people who share genuine similarities with you. Second, communicate a lot before the first date and making sure it is high-quality communication. Third, you ideally want to ask a lot of questions. Generally, you may want to get to know the person as much as you can before the meeting (but don’t wait too long because interest may wane over time). Lastly, meet up with people who are open to sharing about themselves and in turn, be open to sharing about yourself (while exercising prudent caution, of course) (Bartow 2015).
- From online to offline.
Meeting someone you met online in person can be nerve-racking because you don’t know if you idealize the person through a screen and don’t know what to expect. But you will never know until you meet them in person.
So, the best things to do is to have zero expectations. You have to accept that it might go well or it might go poorly. You might want to prepare an excuse in advance in case the date doesn’t go well, to find a way to leave the meeting politely.
Try to ask a lot of question about your date. By doing so, you will have a better idea about whether you would like to follow up for a second date and if this person seems to meet your standards.
If you have talked a lot in messages and had a lot to talk about and the other person didn’t show a lot of red flags, there should not be a lot of reasons why the date would go wrong. After all, life is all about taking risks and going out of our comfort zone. So, who knows? Maybe you are going to meet your future life partner, but you will never know until you put yourself out there.
To conclude, online dating can be very emotional and time-consuming, but if you give yourself a chance and put yourself out there, it might be worth the experience. After all, you might find love, so be patient and stay true to yourself.
References:
Barstow, Donna (2015, September 18). Does Online Dating Really Work?. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/ink-blots-cartoons/201509/does-online-dating-really-work
Deal, J. E., Wampler, K. S., & Halverson, C. F. (1992). The importance of similarity in the marital relationship. Family Process, 31(4), 369-382.
Ellison, N., Heino, R., & Gibbs, J. (2006). Managing impressions online: Self-presentation processes in the online dating environment. Journal of computer-mediated communication, 11(2), 415-441.
Hancock, J. T., Toma, C., & Ellison, N. (2007, April). The truth about lying in online dating profiles. In Proceedings of the SIGCHI conference on Human factors in computing systems (pp. 449-452). ACM
Human, L. J., Sandstrom, G. M., Biesanz, J. C., & Dunn, E. W. (2013). Accurate first impressions leave a lasting impression: The long-term effects of distinctive self-other agreement on relationship development. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 4(4), 395-402.
Krombholz, K., Merkl, D., & Weippl, E. (2012). Fake identities in social media: A case study on the sustainability of the Facebook business model. Journal of Service Science Research, 4(2), 175-212.
More, Lane (2018, March 15), Some men want women to message first on Tinder. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2018/03/15/some-men-on-tinder-want-women-to-send-the-first-message-heres-why-that-doesnt-work/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.393d9df9d821
Nedelman, Michael, (2018, August 8). Online dating study: Are you chasing people out of your league? Retrieved from https://www.cnn.com/2018/08/08/health/online-dating-out-of-league-desirability-study/index.html
Nield, David. ( 2018, January 9). How to actually succeed on a dating app. Retrieved from https://www.popsci.com/dating-app-tips#page-4
Thottam, Isabel (2017). 10 Online Dating Statistics You Should Know (CA). Retrieved from https://www.eharmony.ca/online-dating-statistics/
Wargo, E. (2006). How many seconds to a first impression?. APS Observer, 19(7).