Category Archives: Revised Work

To: Dhara, English 301 Student Writer

From: Christine, English 301 Student Reviewer

Date: March 18^th, 2022

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft: Feasible Solutions for a Successful Paperless Transition in CPSC 121

Thank you for submitting this formal report draft analyzing feasible solutions for a successful paperless transition in CPSC 121. You have done an excellent job in providing a basic structure of the formal report and detailed ideas pinpointing the possibility of improving the current situation in CPSC 121 based on the survey you have collected among the students in CPSC 121. Following are some suggestions for further improving the formal report draft.

First impression:

 A significant strength of this formal report draft is how well it tackles the information, especially the interpretation of survey data. In particular, a great job in recognizing that it is difficult to tackle a better test format for the student in CPSC121 especially when the distribution of favouring the exam format is wide-ranged.

Organization:  

The formal report is well organized with the headings and subheadings bolded as well as appropriately titled.

Style 

• The objective and positive tone throughout the first formal report draft.
• Few paragraphs in the introduction are difficult to follow since those paragraphs are not concise and direct enough (“see Introduction”).

Title and title page:

The draft formal report of feasible solutions for a successful paperless transition in CPSC 121 includes a clear title that encompasses the entire focus of the report, audiences, author, and the distribution date of the report. Well done!

Table Content & Figure and Tables:

The table content is well organized, which helps visualize the report’s structure. The figures and tables section helps locate the image in the formal report. Great job!

Introduction:

The introduction is well outlined with bolded subheadings that include background on the complexities of the current paperless transition, background on CPSC 121, purpose and proposed solution, and a brief description of data sources (see more comments on this below).

• One suggestion for the purpose and proposed solution section is to clearly state the purpose of this formal report so the audience can clearly know what the takeaway from this report is.
• Considering reorganizing the content introduction to make the report more concise and easier to read since some content overlaps (see the example outline on this below)
  • Introduction
    • Background
      • Background of the CPSC121 course with an explanation of what STEM course is.
      • Explain the current situation about the transition to an online course in CPSC 121 that caused the problem.
    • Identify the problem
      • What is the problem?
      • How does that impact the students?
    • Propose feasible solution
    • A clearer Purpose statement of this formal report

Data Section:

The data section includes findings and interpretation from the survey among CPSC 121 students as well as some visuals retrieved from the survey that reinforces the content. This section clearly supports the problem stated in the introduction and the possible feasible solution.

• One suggestion is to provide the pros and cons of the possible solution support with data (primary or secondary) to present the cost and effect to the University of British Columbia and CPSC 121 course coordinator to help them evaluate feasibility.
• Addressing the limitation of the data sources at the end of the data section

Conclusion:

This section clearly summarizes the data findings and overall interpretation explains what the findings mean and follows with recommendations for the audience.

• One suggestion is briefly stating the purposed and the problem again in this section to remind your audiences.

Grammar and Technical Errors:

Please refer to the following regarding minor grammatical errors:

Introduction:

• Replace “unequivocal” with “certain” in the sentence “Though the transition has come with unequivocal benefits, …”
• Remove the “though” in the sentence “Though this transition is also …” for conciseness.
• Remove the phrase “As well” I the sentence “As well, many students find transferring…” for conciseness
• Change “penalised” to “penalized” in the sentence “However, they are not penalised as harshly if they struggle to adjust.”

Data section:

• Most Common Student Benefits
  • “student” should be plural in the second sentence.
    • “The data in figure 4 identifies students’ responses about the main benefits they find applicable to their experience of online CPSC 121 midterms.”

Revision:  

Please note the suggested revisions in this review that will improve the quality of your formal report:

• Clearly state the purpose and problem in the introduction
• Considering re-organizing the structure of the introduction
• Providing pros and cons of possible solutions (secondary data source may be needed)
• Addressing the limitation of the primary data sources
• Correcting grammar.

Overall, this is a great formal report draft that could possibly help the students in CPSC 121 to have a better exam experience during the transition time to online learning. I hope these suggestions are helpful for the revision process. If you have any questions or further clarification, please don’t hesitate to contact me at lovepassionlife0618@gmail.com. Thank you for your hard work, well done!

Feasible Solution For a Successful Paperless Transition in CPSC 121 

To: Even Crisp, UBC student

From: Christine Hsiao, Engl 301 student 

Date: March 8th, 2022

Subject: Tips for writing an email to a professor seeking to be added to an entire course 

I hope this email finds you well. 

Here are some tips for writing an email that you may find helpful to communicate with the professor: 

• Ensuring that the subject heading indicates the topic of the email will be helpful
• Beginning the message with a proper greeting is always necessary
• Emphasizing the purpose of the message clearly and concisely at the beginning of the message is important
• Focusing on the benefits to the reader of the message will improve the chances of receiving a response
• A polite, clear, and concise tone will also improve the possibility of a positive response
• Including a polite conclusion with necessary information (name/ email address), is necessary

I hope the tips addressed will help you have an efficient and better conversation with your professor. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me through email. 

To: Team Connect 4

From: Christine Hsiao, team member of Team Connect 4

Date: February 22, 2022

Subject: Best Linkedln Practices

LinkedIn has become a massive platform for job hunting, connection, skills learning, and strengthening relationships. This platform is favoured by many companies and professionals. By understanding the benefits of using Linkedln to expand your social connections and learning, The lists of ten best practices below would help you maximize your output from using this platform.

Ten Best Practices include:

• Ensuring the profile is complete with a professional profile photo is important (Deehan)
• Keeping your profile up to date will attract more attention
• Joining relevant groups will provide salient new contacts (Shore)
• Listing relevant skills you have may attract more attention (Deehan)
• Turning your summary into a story that shows your background, strengths, passions, etc. (Deehan)
• Showing yourself by building a Linkedln profile (Schaffer)
• Getting social proof through Linkedln recommendations (Schaffer)
• Connecting with professionals who viewed your profile (Schaffer)
• Taking skills assessments (Deehan)
• Adding relevant media to your profile may help people to know you better. (“13 LinkedIn Profile Best Practices”)

Making an excellent profile on LinkedIn takes time and practice. Trying to walk through the list of ten best practices found from reliable sources. Hope this will help you for building your LinkedIn profile.

All the best,

Work Cited:

Lua, Alfred. “The Quick Guide to LinkedIn Marketing Strategy: 9 Best Practices.” Buffer, 2022, https://buffer.com/library/linkedin-marketing/.

Schaffer, Neal. “21 Linkedln Best Practices for Business Professionals to Follow for Success.” NEALSCHAFFER, 5 Sept 2021, https://nealschaffer.com/linkedin-best-practices/.

Shore, Jennifer, “17 LinkedIn Marketing Best Practices.” SmartBug., 16 Jan 2020, https://www.smartbugmedia.com/blog/17-linkedin-marketing-best-practices.

“13 LinkedIn Profile Best Practices.” Ledgeview Partners, https://ledgeviewpartners.com/blog/linkedin-profile-best-practices/. Accessed 21 February 2022.

To: Dr. Erika Paterson, ENGL 301 Professor

From: Christine Hsiao, ENGL 301 student

Date: February 15^th, 2022

Subject: Proposal for improving inclusiveness at UBC international Navigator club

Introduction

The Navigators is an international, interdenominational Christian ministry. Members have different cultural and linguistic backgrounds, and people from similar backgrounds tend to gather in small groups, creating an environment of exclusiveness.

Audience

The intended audience for this report is all the members and leaders of the UBC international Navigator club. Ideally, Amy Weidman, who oversees the international Navigator club, would read this report.

State of the problem

This is an international club that includes a diversity of people. However, it has been observed that small groups are formed, and they usually gather similar backgrounds and people who speak the same languages. Therefore, although the Navigators strive to create a pleasant, welcoming environment, some people in the group and others who just joined may feel left out sometimes due to the distance created by the small groups. As a result, the exclusiveness problem has been raised.

Proposed solution

Based on the needs identified above, this proposal offers a realistic and practical plan responding to the exclusiveness issue. We first add the responsibilities to the leaders, and then we will start generating activities to engage people to only speak English during the club time, detail as follows:

• If there is a member who creates an exclusive environment by constantly using non-English language, they would be informed privately by the coordinator to address the issue
• Promote the importance of equity, diversity, and inclusion in the club
• Intentionally, mixing teams every month during sessions could possibly allow enhanced perspectives
• Adding responsibilities for leaders and generating engaging activities in English only periods are as follows:
  • reaching out to the group members for feedback so their voices will be heard as the whole group
  • Make it easy for team members to participate in the leading group. For instance, using the vote function instead of simply asking questions in the group chat.
  • Have a monthly general meeting to discuss the feedback from intended members if there is anything that we can do to improve.
  • Facilitate ongoing anonymous feedback

If this proposed idea does not work out, we must reconsider other solutions.

Scope

To improve member’s experience in the club, I plan to research five areas of inquiry:

• First, what kinds of games/ activities can bring everyone closer?
• Second, how many people have ever felt excluded before?
• Third, which language do they speak the most during the meeting?
• Fourth, What are the benefits and limitations of the proposed solution?
• Finally, what is the most effective way to inform leaders/members of the problem?

Methods

Methods include observation, consultation, and some surveys. The basic information about the club, such as the number of club members and people who regularly join the meeting, will be used observation techniques to help us enter some primary data. The online surveys will focus on understanding members’ experience in the club and their definition of exclusiveness. The survey will also include the feedback sections.

My qualification

As a club member, I have joined many big and small events organized by international Navigator. Therefore, I can quickly put myself in members’ shoes and know their needs immediately. Also, I have previous experience helping my manager change the work environment into a more culturally diverse and inclusive culture. Therefore, I can efficiently conduct the research and turn that into a better outcome.

Conclusion

Leaders’ roles need reconsideration to increase the members’ experience; they need reconsideration since they play an essential role in keeping the environment safe and welcome. Furthermore, we hope to improve an exclusive climate by understanding the problem in 5 scopes and the proper research and analysis of people’s feelings.

To: Dhara, Technical Writing Team Member

From: Christine, Technical Writing Team Member

Date: Feb 4th, 2022

Peer Review / Term: Algorithm

Congratulations, and thank you for posting the 1.3 assignment. Please consider reading through the peer review document below with suggestions for improvement.

First Impressions: 

This impressive document includes a well-organized structure, good visual cited adequately, and propitiate reference list.

Organization:

• Excellent work on organizing the document to make it pleasant to read.
  • An Introduction with detailed information
  • The bolded heading is easy to read
  • Figures with correct citation

Expression: 

• The understanding of the definition is well expressed throughout the entire document.
• Overall, the tone is friendly and professional; however, if the document could be more concise, it could make the points more transparent.
• Some sentences can be more direct. For example:
  • “A common example of an algorithm is a cake recipe, where a sequence of steps are followed to accomplish the task of baking a cake.”
    • The passive voice and the wordy preface can create a clarity problem.
    • Rewrite example: A cake recipe is a typical example of an algorithm; making cakes takes a sequence of steps.
  • “All algorithms can be produced with just three basic building blocks: sequence selection and interaction.”
    • Rewrite example: Sequence, selection, and iteration are the three basic building blocks to produce algorithms.

Content: 

• The document followed the instruction of the 1.3 assignment, which includes
  • Summary of the assignment; introduction
  • The situation indicates the potential audience
  • Three forms of definition: parenthetical definition, sentence definition, and expanded definition
  • Four types of expansion definition
  • One visual
  • A reference list in MLA format
• Include the ‘why’ Algorithms are used in computing.

Visuals: 

• Well done on the visual.
  • The picture is well explained, labelled and cited.

Work Cited List: 

• Excellent on the work cited list-  however, a small error occurred.
• Don’t forget to put “.” behind the name of the author
  • Rewrite: Ashwani, KJunior. “Complete Tutorials of Introduction to Algorithm.” DevOpsSchool.com, 10 June 2021, https://www.devopsschool.com/blog/complete-tutorials-of-introduction-to-algorithm/

Grammar and Typos: 

• There are several minor grammar errors; one example is: “A common example of an algorithm is a cake recipe, where a sequence of steps are followed to accomplish the task of baking a cake.”
  • Please note that “a sequence of steps” is singular and “are” is plural; this needs correction.

Concluding Comments: 

Thank you! It’s been a pleasure to review your definition document that is informative and well organized. With the following suggestions, this will be an excellent document:

• Self-editing for clarity is needed:
  • Grammar
  • Choice of passive or active voice

Thank you for your time in reading through the peer review document. Please feel free to ask any questions.

Cheers.

Three Definitions on “Algorithm”

Introduction

The assignment will explain the term “deductible” to a novice audience, who is not familiar with how insurance works with drug-claim. The learning objectives are listed below in point form.

• Appreciate the importance and role of definitions in technical writing
• Understand how audience and purpose indicate the need for definition
• Differentiate between the levels of details in the definition
• select the right level of detail according to the situation

My definition of “deductible.”

Situation:

At the beginning of the year, many patients wonder why PharmaCare does not cover their medication.

Parenthetical definition:

The patient hasn’t reached the deductible (amount to be borne by the insured).

Sentence definition:

“Deductible” is an amount of the money to be paid by the insured before insurance companies pay the claim. In this case, the insured are the patients, and the insurance company is PharmaCare.

Expanded definition:

Analysis parts

To get a better idea of how deductible works, please consider the following three main parts:

1. It is calculated based on your family income tax (Fair PharmaCare Calculator)
2. Higher family income will have a higher deductible rate and vice versa
3. Deductible will be reset at the beginning of the year

*Note that only the eligible medical service or medication will be counted toward the deductible.

How does it work?

The patients need to pay 100% of their deductible. Once the deductible is reached, BC PharmaCare will start paying 70% of your eligible medication. At this point, patients still need to pay for part of the medication (30%). When your Family’s Maximum (the maximum amount your family could afford estimated by the government) is reached, BC PharmaCare will pay 100% for the rest of the year of eligible prescribed medication.

Figure 1 How does BC PharmaCare Work?

Source: Pacific Blue Cross

Example

The doctor prescribed an 80 dollars medication to C person in January. Known that C’s deductible is 1000 dollars calculated from the Fair PharmaCare Calculator. Therefore, If C wants the medication, C will need to pay for the full price, 80 dollars. Throughout the months, C accumulates the prescription to 1200 dollars; over the deductible rate, for the next 100 dollars prescription that she only needs to pay 30 dollars.

Why I was covered last year but not this year?

Two possible cases are listed below:

• Reached the deductible:
  • However, the prescribed medication is not an eligible medication covered by the plan of PharmaCare;
• Haven’t reached the deductible:
  • It’s the beginning of the year the deductible is meant to reset.

This explains why Pharmacare does not cover the cost of the prescription at the beginning of the year.

References

“Fair PharmaCare Calculator.” Health. British Columbia, https://www.health.gov.bc.ca/pharmacare/plani/calculator/calculator-2019.html.

“Fair PharmaCare Plan.” British Columbia, https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/health/health-drug-coverage/pharmacare-for-bc-residents/who-we-cover/fair-pharmacare-plan.

“Understanding Fair PharmaCare: The BC government’s drug plan.” Pacific Blue Cross, https://www.pac.bluecross.ca/pdf-bin/info/0601.02.006_UNDERSTANDING_pharmacare.pdf.

1.3 Writing Definition