Hey mom, I’m feeling much better now. I doubt if there ever is anyone that can understand me better than you do. Anyone that cares and tries to convince me to see myself as who I am like you do. Yes, I’m trying to live my life now. For once I try to forget the good times in the past, or they just look good to me now compared to what I have here. You were right. I never enjoyed any moment of my life without thinking what it could have been and what it can be in the future. I forget, my life is made out of moments NOW more than anytime in the universe. I know that before, but it takes you to remind and make me see it for myself what I should do and feel to change my pessimism. It seems like I can never realize things until you point it out to me.
For you I appreciate who I am, what I do and how I feel. For you I realize what matters, what does not. For you I have become a much better person. It doesn’t matter how crusade this may be, I know that it does not take an interesting stranger to introduce something new in my life.
Because it only the way you view your life that actually matters. Everything is relative and all feelings are states of mind, there is no real happiness or sadness, they are all creations of our mind. Now I know that, and I know that you are always there for me, despite how terrible and mundane of a person I am, with your support and words, I think there is nothing in this world can bring me down.
But there is one thing, no, one day that I might break down, the day you might leave me. I cried so much just because of the thought of it. But it is totally the matter of the future, and you told me you won’t have your life if you don’t live the NOW. I miss you, the times we were together, the times we will be together. But for now, I am here without you, and I still have to make it worth living and remembering for the future time. Emotions are just state of mind, and it lies in my hand whether I want to be happy or not. You indeed possess the biggest chunk in my heart, I miss you. And I decide that I will be happy from this very moment and beyond.