Revised Peer Review of a Formal Report

To: Kitty Yan, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing

From: Karen Okoyomon, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing

Date: November 20th, 2021

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft

Thank you for submitting your formal report draft, I enjoyed reading and learning about fatigue risk. Below is a list of my thoughts on your paper, as well as suggestions and improvements.

First impressions

  • This report is very well written and presented great research and analysis. It presents good information on the impact of Fatigue risk in the aviation industry.
  • Your report clearly states the meaning/background behind it in a way that makes sense to mea s a reader.

Introduction

  • Be sure to look over grammar errors; here is an example of one that can be improved:
    • The first in-text citation has an extra period next to the parentheses. Remove the first one to improve the flow.
  • In terms of wording, here are a few instances where this could be improved:
    • Instead of “Like the rail and marine industry…” try using: “similarly to…”
    • Instead of “increases likeliness” try: “…Increases the likeliness…”
    • The purpose statement is a bit wordy. This can be improved by adding as semi-colon to separate your ideas, or splitting the statement into two separate sentences.

Data section + research methods

  • The research conducted is very good and uses reliable sources. Your analysis of this data was well done, as you interpreted your secondary source data and supported the writing with graphs. Your graphs were correctly labelled with figure titles.
  • Be sure to check spelling here; “forgetfulness” is misspelled in this section
  • A good variety of data used was, including both surveys and interviews

Recommendations

  • The provided recommendations are thought out and are directly related to the research.

Conclusion

  • Well-organized conclusion that covers interpretation of findings, summary of proposed solutions, and final thoughts.
  • Look out for grammar here: “Fatigue risk is an manageable hazard” –> “Fatigue risk is a manageable hazard”

Content

  • You mention the “DDC” multiple times but never explain what it actually is. The first time you mention it, use “Drone Delivery Canada (DDC)”, and then for the rest of the paper keep referring to it as DDC.

Spelling and grammar

  • There were a couple instances where the spelling and grammar could be checked over, and I highlighted those in the above points. Overall, the grammar errors were very minor and did not have a large effect on the overall flow of the report. It is important to look over spelling and grammar either by using Word’s spell check, or by re-reading your work out loud.

Organization

  • This report is very well-organized with many subheadings. As a reader, it was easy to keep track of the information being presented.

Overall, great report! The main things to look out for are pertaining to wordiness, spelling, and grammar. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns!

 

Enclosure: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/11/16/32-formal-report-draft/

 

Revisions:

  • be more specific in feedback
  • in first impressions, talk about the whole subject understanding
  • removed pronouns
  • included link to original document