Task: We were tasked to peer review each other’s work and gain insight through reading each other’s as well as through receiving direct feedback.
To: Leo Kim, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
From: Kelly Kim, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC
Date: Feb 5, 2022
Subject: Review of Your Report Assignment 1:3 – “Kepler’s Laws Definition
Peer Review / Term:
Thank you for your elaborate explanation of the term, “Kepler’s Law”. I have heard the term before but never fully understood the true meaning and the context behind this law; therefore, this was a great detailed introduction for me. Please see the review of the three definitions provided below and let me know if you have any questions.
Initial Impression:
The documentation is well organized as per the assignment requirement, along with the works-cited section.
Organization:
- The introduction is succinct explaining why the three definitions have been presented, and to whom it was presented.
- The title of definitions is bolded and the different sections within the expanded definitions are italicized. At the beginning of the document, it lacks a title that shows that these definitions are for the “Kepler’s Law”. Adding the title will help us understand the subject of the paper right away.
- The expanded definitions expanded on the history, analysis of parts, comparison and contrast, and visuals.
- For a normal student audience, the visuals do need further explanations. For example, adding in the variables in the diagram, such as what S1 or S2 stands for, could be added to explain the diagram and why it’s important in explaining Kepler’s Law.
- Visuals also need to be cited with correct placement. Please refer to the textbook.
Language/Expression:
- In the introduction, the objective of the assignment is presented. The objective could be paraphrased to blend in better with the rest of the document. Furthermore, because the reading situation is short, it would also be good for the introduction and reading situation to be merged into one category as it both introduces what the paper will be about.
- To meet the grammatical consistency requirement, please correct the sentence to “Kepler’s laws of planetary motion is composed of three laws that make reference to elliptical trajectories and explain how planetary velocities vary.”
Content:
- For a parenthetical definition, we need a parenthesis statement after the term to clarify the meaning of the word by using parenthesis. In the parenthesis, we can add a familiar synonym.
- The sentence definition is written with great content! Please write numbers such as “3” as three.
- In the Analysis of parts, could we get an explanation of what foci mean? If the visuals explain the different parts in the analysis of parts, the placement of the visuals could be improved by placing them above what they are explaining. This method could improve both parts of the expanded definition.
- After the comparison and contrast where it explains the three sections of where Kepler’s law was corrected, could you include what ellipse and epicycles mean and what the difference between these two terms is? Moreover, what does the focal point of the elliptical orbit mean? For those who do not have a background in science, it could be better if these differences could be explained with a visual.
Visuals:
- Please describe in further detail what the description of Kepler’s law is explaining.
- Please also include where the visual reference is from.
- For Figure 3, what do “G”, “M”, and “m”, variables mean? What is the significance of this formula?
Clarity:
- There were a couple of occasions for more detail for the audience to fully understand what the different sections of the parts mean:
- The history portion describes when the observation was found and when they were published. Why has since then have the law been notable? Why has it been accredited more than the other similar theories?
- It states, “still Kepler’s laws are regarded as a masterpiece of astronomy,” Why is this so?
Highlights/Weaknesses:
- The breakdown of the three laws was great! This was a good technique as it provided a strong explanation of what the different laws are.
- The visuals are awesome too as it explains Kepler’s law in detail with images that texts cannot explain.
- The definition report should be reviewed again to correct some grammatical errors. There are areas for improvement. For example, in the analysis of parts, it should be corrected to, “be sure to follow the three separated laws”.
Works Cited List:
- The references should be in alphabetical order. Furthermore, by improving the analysis and content of the expanded definitions, more references can be added.
Concluding Comments:
Thank you for the awesome explanation about Kepler’s law. The following edits would make this a more wonderful definition:
- Further details on variables and what the Copernicus model is.
- Please correct citation for visuals and provide a detailed explanation about the formulas in the visuals.
- Grammatical errors should be reviewed.
- Reviewing Works Cited list
Please do not hesitate to ask questions.
Best,
Kelly Kim