First, Do No Harm.
Our attitudes, behaviours and actions have direct implications for our surroundings. Our outer appearance, body language, non-action, extroversion all communicate to the recipient. The interpretation of that which is communicated depends on one’s socialization. What we may perceive as a logical and benevolent action, could possibly be irritating and irrelevant from a different perspective. As Dr. Dharamsi pointed out, language is a powerful tool. A sensitivity and an awareness of the language and words we use are necessary for respectful communication. Language reflects power structures and privilege. It is part of being reflective and critically conscious. Critical consciousness is “defined as a moral awareness which propels individuals to disembed from their cultural, social, and political environment, and engage in a responsible critical moral dialogue with it, making active efforts to construct their own place in social reality and to develop internal consistency in their ways of being” (Mustakova-Possardt, 1998).
When listening to speakers and considering how I speak, I often think of Friedemann Schulz von Thun’s communication model called the four-side model. Schulz von Thun is a professor of psychology at the University of Hamburg. He has specialized in intercultural communication and conflict communication. According to his model, the sender and recipient both have four mouths and four ears, each responsible for one of the four layers. All of them are active in a conversation. Thus, making a statement has four different layers:
1. the matter layer: factual information about which the sender is informing. There are three applicable criteria:
a. truth criterion: is the information presented correct/incorrect
b. relevance criterion: are the facts relevant/irrelevant
c. sufficiency criterion: are the facts sufficient for the issue, or are there other things to consider
The information needs to be coherent and clear, so that the recipient can respond to the information according to the three criteria listed above.
2. self-revealing or self-disclosure level: each statement reveals something about the sender’s personality unintentionally or intentionally (feelings, values, characteristic features, needs). This can be explicit or implicit. The recipient’s self-revealing-ear is attentive and draws connections: What type of person is the sender? What is his view?
3. relationship layer: indicates how the sender relates to the recipient. This is indicated implicitly or explicitly through wording, tone of voice, mimic and gestures. The recipient will feel appreciated, rejected, disregarded or respected according to the information received.
4. an appeal: this is where the sender can exert influence on the recipient. Each statement wants to achieve something. The sender may express an appeal, give advice, instructions, or express a wish. The appeal may be direct and apparent or indirect and tacit. As a result, the recipient will ask his/herself: What can I do, feel, think?
The activation and emphasis of each of these layers depend on the information and the sender-recipient interaction. For example, the cultural background of the two parties and the setting of the interaction influence each layer. Using this model to actually think before making a statement helps to understand where misinterpretations and misunderstandings could occur in the communication process. Not all of our ears may be active all the time. But we can try to sharpen our awareness of the fact that a message can have several aspects. When a misunderstanding occurs, we can observe ourselves and analyze which ear we used to receive the message and then try to see it from a different point of view. The relationship aspect of a message is often the most sensitive part of communication. This also applies to intercultural communication. Different cultures have different values, communication rituals and approaches to criticism and feedback. The knowledge about the fact that differences exist, helps to notice and respect this cultural diversity.
“…only through communication can human life hold meaning.” Paulo Freire
Mustakova-Possardt, E., Critical Consciousness: An Alternative Pathway for Positive Personal and Social Development, Journal of Adult Development, Volume 5 Issue 1, page 13-30, 1998, Kluwer Academic Publishers-Plenum Publishers, http://dx.doi.org/10.1023/A%3A1023064913072