Author Archives: rusko

Amaze Me – Translations

 

Ech day me comëth tydinges thre,
For wel swithë sore ben he:
The on is that Ich shal hennë,
That other that Ich not whennë,
The thriddë is my mestë carë,
That Ich not whider Ich shal farë.		 Every day I am plagued by three thoughts–
A heavy weight on my soul.
First, that my time is finite
Second, I know not when I will depart
But it is the third that torments me most
That there is no way to know where I’ll go    

 

Whan the turuf is thy tour,
And thy pit is thy bour,
Thy fel and thy whitë throtë
Shullen wormës to notë.
What helpëth thee thennë		 When the turf is your tower,
And the ground your bower,
Your white throat, your skin
Consumed by worms from within.
What help can you hope for then?

 

Ich have y-don al myn youth,
Oftë, ofte, and ofte;
Longe y-loved and yerne y-beden –
Ful dere it is y-bought!		 All of my youth I have done it,
Often, often, and often.
I have loved long
I have yearned zealously–
And what grief it has brought!

 

Foulës in the frith,
The fishës in the flod,
And I mon waxë wod;
Much sorwe I walkë with
For beste of bon and blod.		 The fowles in the forest,
the fishes in the flood.
And I moan, I grow mad
And walk with great sorrow,
for I am a beast of bone and blood.

Basically every country song ever

I have problems:

I’m getting old,
our car won’t start,
and my job is stupid.
My baby keeps remarking on
LARGE BREASTED WOMEN!
My friend has a problem with me,
and she won’t go away.
My darling keeps shutting me down
and it’s not likely he understands;
I don’t believe in love.
Oh my god, I can’t justify my existence.
This year is major shit.

How to get a B-

Wait until the night before it’s due to begin your research
Research for 30 mins
Watch an episode of Gilmore Girls
Watch two more episode of Gilmore Girls
Research for 1 more hour
Struggle over writing a creative thesis before giving up and using a sparknotes ideas
Write an outline
Clean your bedroom
Begin writing your intro
Realize you have no idea what you’re talking about
Wonder what it all means
Cry and type
Go on facebook
Cry and type
Make a coffee
Cry and type
Print off your paper 30 mins before your class starts
Speed to class
Get a ticket
Hand in essay

My Uncle Reads Shakespeare

“To be or not to be?”
Debatable.  Have you heard of Schroedinger’s cat?
“Hath not a Jew eyes?”
Statistically, yes.  But you never know, he could have had an accident.
“What’s in a name?”
Letters.
‘’But wasn’t Othello a noble, romantic soldier?’
Surely not, didn’t he just off his wife?
“What is a woman to do when the men are so unanimous in their judgements of her and their plans for her?”
Judge them back?  Give them silent treatment?  Gosh, this one’s difficult.
“We fail?”
Sure.  Anything’s possible.
“Wherefore art thou Romeo?”
Presumably because that’s what his parents called him.
“When shall we three meet again?”
I’m free next Thursday.