Peer Review – Enhancing Protection for On-Campus Dining at UBC

To: Han Li, ENGL 301 Student

From: Lucy Li, ENGL 301 Student

Date: March 19, 2022

Subject: Review of Formal Report Draft – Enhancing Protection for On-Campus Dining at UBC

 

Thank you for submitting the formal report draft; it is an interesting and informative read. The problem discussed is an important issue that needs improvement to increase the safety of the individuals at UBC. Please see the review of the document below with suggestions for improvement.

 

First Impressions:

  • The draft is well-written with sufficient details on the introduction of the paper, the research data results and the conclusion with a summary and recommendations.
  • The major strength to this report is providing all the different figure examples to help readers visualize the use pf anti-droplets isolation boards.
  • One overall improvement would be to include some figures for the readers to refer to when reading the report.

Organization:

  • The formal report draft is well organized and can be improved by differentiating the levels of headings and subheadings by numbering with Roman numbers or letters.

Title Page and Table of Contents:

  • The cover page includes a clear title and indicates the audience and author.
  • The table of contents provides all the sections is in the paper.

Introduction:              

  • The introduction is well-written that provides a great background on the coronavirus and its origin. Well done!
  • Writing the five major topics in a list form can make it easier to follow

Data Section:

  • The use of transition words throughout the report increases the writing flow. Additional transitional phrases can further improve the flow of the paragraphs:
    • Before: “More than half of the students think the dining space is adequate, but the waiting time is long.”
    • Rewrite: “On the other hand, more than half of the students think the dining space is adequate, but the waiting time is long.”
  • The survey section provides a summary and sound analysis of the survey results. Adding a figure or illustration of the survey results will allow readers to have a visual to refer to when interpreting the section’s data.
  • Starting a sentence with a spell out a percentage or restructure the sentence instead of the number percentage:
    • Before: “43.75% of students strongly agree with having baffles, 21.88% are ok with it, …”
    • Spell out: “Forty-three point seventy-five percent of students strongly agree with baffles, 21.88% are ok with it, ….”
    • Restructure: “There are 43.75% of students strongly agree with having baffles, 21.88% are ok with it, ….”
  • Multiples figures provide additional visuals to refer to. It will be best to refer to the figures in the report text:
    • “As shown in Figure 1, many students eat and chat with their friends even during not peak times without keeping distance.”
  • Revise the labeling of the table in the data section; refer to the textbook for examples of labelling a table.
  • Revise the format of mentioning the Hokkaido university to be consistent with the mentioning of the other universities.

Conclusion:

  • The conclusion summarizes the paper and provides a list of recommendations.
  • Mentioning the baffle costs can aid in determining the feasibility of the recommendation and persuade readers to support your recommendation.
  • Be careful of clarity in sentences:
    • “Although people under 25 years have the lowest risk of severe disease.” It can become clearer by replacing with “Although people under 25 years old have the lowest risk of severe disease.”

Concluding Comments:

Overall, the tone remains positive throughout the report and explains the importance of addressing the problem of COVID protection at UBC. The formal report is well organized, enjoyable, and informative. Please consider the following suggestions for the final report:

  • Including a correct label for the table and ensuring to refer to figures and tables in the text
  • Including a figure in the survey section to support the numerical results
  • Consider adding transition words
  • Reword the sentences that start with a number percentage. Refer to the example here.
  • Revise paper for clarity

 

Thank you for the proposal, and I hope that the suggestions provided will provide some insights into what to improve for the final report. If you have any questions, please contact me anytime.

Link to Han Li’s formal report draft: MEMORANDUM-Formal Report Draft-Feasibility of Enhancing COVID Protection for On-campus Dining at UBC