Monthly Archives: April 2014

04/22/14

Asking myself the right questions.

I had a wonderful talk over coffee and cheesecake with a good friend of mine the other day. We discussed graduating and what was in store for us in the future. We talked about what we wanted out of life and how much we realized we had grown as people in the last five years. It’s fascinating how it’s more often our perspectives, not our passions, which change.

For instance, I always thought I would be a person who would drop everything and fly off to a foreign country for years at a time, working directly in the field of development. As I’ve grown older, experiencing all sorts of relationships and events, I’ve learned that put great value in the personal relationships and community I grow apart of. Suddenly, the idea of flying away by sacrificing what and who I have at this very moment seems surreal. But this shift in mindset is not me changing my mind about my passion. Not at all – I still greatly desire to learn to empower others to empower themselves – especially those who are disadvantaged and vulnerable.  But what I have realized is that pursuing just this sole passion would lead to an empty sort of life for myself.

To put it simply, it’s like I’ve been running towards a finish line of creating my career and in doing so, I have discounted my life as it is at present. I’ve been asking myself, “What do I want to do with my life?” instead of, “How do I wish to live my life?” Just a simple switch in focus in these questions makes an incredible difference in how I relate to myself and my life to come.

I want to be a part of a community – global and local. I want to meet people from all over the world – with all sorts of stories to share. I feel a duty to help my fellow human kin. But I will not pretend to have completely altruistic reasons to live for such things. These are the things that make me happy in my life. The questions I ask myself in how to go about doing all of these things challenge me to broaden my horizons and make me feel fulfilled. From now on, I want to keep asking myself how  I will live my life in the present instead of wondering what the future holds. The future is written here.

04/21/14

Next Stop: Indonesia!

This May, I won’t be walking across the stage of the Chan Centre with degree in hand. Rather, I will be walking through the forests of Indonesia for some evaluation work with Dr. Chris Bennett and my fellow UBC colleagues.

I wouldn’t have ended my undergraduate career any other way.

I don’t think the notion of flying to the other side of the world for six weeks has hit me just yet. Perhaps it’s due to the frenzy of finals and tying up loose strings, but I feel rather calm about leaving for what used to seem like a long period of time. I guess I’ve gotten used to travelling. The timing couldn’t be better: I’ve been feeling rather blasé about pure academics this last semester and I’m pretty strained both mentally and physically. I’m quite due for a change of scenery at least before the Vancouver summer begins.

“So what now?” This question lingers at the back of my mind as I go about my daily routine. I’ve overthought all the possibilities, so much that it makes my head hurt. A break in a new country – a new climate – a new perspective – is just what I need to refresh myself before I decide on my next steps. If anything, I’m looking forward to this trip as a period to embrace the fact that I don’t know what I’m doing next. And that’s it’s okay to be like that.

Next stop: Indonesia. Next stop: the unknown. My adventure awaits.

04/8/14

And just like that, everything changed.

But perhaps it didn’t. Maybe, I just didn’t see things as clearly as I once thought.

I didn’t get into the UBC School of Nursing. Although I was close, it wasn’t meant to be.

The last two weeks were extremely stressful while waiting for a response from the school, and it was like a cold bucket of ice water had dropped over me when I received the rejection email. I didn’t know what to think. But then I took a deep breath. Then another.

“What now?”

The question startled me more than I thought. I would apply to other schools. I would apply again next year. These answers, which seemed so sensible before I saw the email suddenly seemed less so. Over the course of the next few days, I pondered on this question quite a bit in a sort of calm, dreamy daze. What did I want out of life?

Did I really want to be a nurse in the first place? No, I didn’t. I always felt it was a means to an end. A profession that would help me achieve what it was I really wanted.

So what did I want? I still don’t have a concrete answer to that question. I think I’ll spend my entire life answering that one.

What I did know was that a year ago, I would have been aghast at this turn of events. But this was a year later, and I was a different person. Looking back at my last five years at UBC, I knew that each year made me who I am; those were years I would never take back. Nothing was wasted. But my time with academics had to come to an end. That much was certain.

There is so much that school cannot teach me. There is so much to learn in this grand world we live in – I have yet to experience even a small taste of it. I may not know where I’m going now, but I know that I want to try new things, learn, and build my experiences into something I can be proud of. This determination and passion is what I have fostered in my years at UBC.

So what do I want? What do I know after all these years?

I love to travel.

I have an avid interest in the social determinants of health and mental health.

I work well and love to work with children and youth.

I am a complete people person. I need that face-to-face interaction. I want to build community.

I am a firm believer in self-empowerment through community and activity as a means of social change.

Having loved ones near me and being a part of a community is very important to me.

These are the things I have learned among many others. These are the precious gems I take with me as I build on myself. These are what I need to keep in mind – reflect on – as I march onward.

Everything changed and nothing did. I am still on the same journey – but taking the longer, winding road.