I don’t really want to talk about my personal relationship, exactly, not much. I’ve been in a flux as a girlfriend because Nathan and I have gone through a tumultuous time, even just as people unconnected to each other: most notably, we graduated from high school and started our respective undergraduate educations (at different institutions). This has had all sorts of implications on the way we interact with each other, but I mostly just want to talk about me. (LOL.)

Nathan is probably the best partner anyone could ever have, so thank goodness for all those stupid girls who friend-zoned him before. He is patient, thoughtful, kind, funny, hard working, and he is an excellent cuddler. Me, though, I’m working on a lot of those things. (Except for the cuddling. I’m great at that.)

Among my great flaws as a girlfriend (like, being desperately and annoyingly clingy–although I have gotten way better, I think) is that I am very rigid. I have a hard time adjusting to the situation, and things always need to go the way I want them to.

Spoiler alert! Things ALMOST ALWAYS don’t go the way I want them to.

Although I love him dearly and he truly is my superman, Nathan is not superman. He cannot do everything, and I constantly need to remind myself of this. I don’t like thinking of myself as a slice of the pie chart that needs to become smaller when school comes into the picture, and I’ve tried to think of metaphors that would make me feel less optional, but firstly, that premise is wrong, and secondly, there’s nothing wrong with being a slice of the pie chart because that’s what I am!

I am still trying to figure out that being a relationship is a constant work-in-progress. I think I’m finally understanding what Sarah Dessen meant in This Lullaby when she tried to explain that a relationship doesn’t have to be either a fling or forever. At least, my interpretation of it is that I need to approach every situation with a unique mindset. Not everything can be dealt with the same way.

Something frustrating I’ve learned is that there is never one answer to a problem in the realm of romantic relationships. When I’ve been asked advice about partners, I’ve learned to tread carefully because what worked/hasn’t worked for me might not be the same case with someone else. In fact, it probably won’t. Dealing with people is a skill that constantly needs to be adapted.

That’s why I’m very grateful to have Nathan, who–human though he is–is steady and reliable. From the very beginning, what made him stand out to me was his incredible kindness and patience and having my best interests at heart. Perhaps even when he shouldn’t, he considers me even before himself. (So thank you, honeybunch. I love you!)