A major concept that we have examined throughout the year is the idea of self-representation through life narratives – how the writer chooses to portray him or herself, and the coercion that may insinuate this specific portrayal. Sociologist Ashley Barnwell’s essay, “Friday Essay: Can You Keep A Secret? Family Memoirs Break Taboos – And Trust” on The Conversation, however, raises an important question regarding the ethics surrounding the idea of a family memoir, in other words, the representation of other people in life narratives. She explores the various other identities of other people beyond the writer themselves that are present, and often play an integral role in the writer’s life. Thus, Barnwell examines the idea of making the “public private” (Barnwell) as writers choose to “divulge the experiences of siblings, parents, and lovers” (Barnwell). In doing so, the writer not only uses these fragments of other people’s lives to build on their own story, but they also subsequently create an identity of other person. Yet, does this result in the inaccurate and misrepresentation of another individual?
Specifically Barnwell looks at David Sedaris’ essay, “Now We Are Five” published on The New Yorker, which recounts Sedaris’ family’s attempt to deal with his sister Tiffany’s suicide. In his previous published works, Tiffany explicitly asked “to be left out of his stories” (Sedaris), wishing to keep her life private. In this essay, however, Sedaris breaks this obligation, and in turn shares various anecdotes regarding his sister. Although he states that “[they] didn’t really know [their] sister very well. Each of [them] had pulled away from the family at some point in [their] lives—[they] had to in order to forge [their] own identities, to go from being a Sedaris to being [their] own specific Sedaris” (Sedaris), he goes on to recall instances of “the chaos [Tiffany would] inevitably leave in her wake” (Sedaris). He paints a picture of her troubled history with the family, and consequently, paints an identity of a person whom he had not spoken to in eight years. He recalls one story with Tiffany regarding a scar on her face, leading to her sister being called unattractive. Yet he later mentions that this did not bother Tiffany as “being pretty was never one of Tiffany’s problems” (Sedaris). Is this a true representation of his sister’s character? Is this breaking the obligation with his sister to not mention her in his writing, bring out a private side of her that she may have wished to keep private? Some criticize Sedaris for “exploiting [Tiffany’s] death for artistic and monetary gain” (Barnwell), but can his inclusion of Tiffany also be seen as a way to deal with the grief of losing a sister?
One article that I found interesting while trying to research more about the idea of “family memoirs” is an article written by Guest Column titled “How to Write about Family in a Memoir”. He states, “To write honestly and compassionately about members of your family, you must first reflect on your purpose, your approach, the details of your story and the potential reactions your family members might have” (Column). Column writes that we must write about others as “whole people” (Column), acknowledging that there is an entire context and story behind their actions. In getting to know the people we write about, we can include this “humanness” (Column) into our stories. For example, perhaps a person’s misogynistic treatment towards you stems from the time era and society in which they grew up. Yet, in understanding a possible reason behind a person’s actions, does this change the way we are supposed to feel about the person actions? Or is it simply a way to ensure, for the person being written about, that there is an alternative portrayal of them that differs from the writer’s perspective?
It makes me further question, however, to what extent do we acknowledge the other people’s lives? How do we as writers differentiate between what is appropriate to include in our pieces, and what is to be left out? Do obtain consent from every influencing source in our lives? How do we determine what may be private for others, but may be public for us? Why is certain information kept private in the first place? And if we as writers must take special care attention to how we portray other people, in the process do we truly capture our true lives?
Works Cited
Column, Guest. “How To Write About Family In A Memoir | Writersdigest.Com”. WritersDigest.com. N.p., 2017. Web. 20 Mar. 2017.
“Friday Essay: Can You Keep A Secret? Family Memoirs Break Taboos – And Trust”. The Conversation. N.p., 2017. Web. 20 Mar. 2017.
Mouly, Françoise et al. “Now We Are Five”. The New Yorker. N.p., 2017. Web. 20 Mar. 2017.