After reading Kayla’s review of my definition I was surprised at how much jargon I had used in my original article. I then re-read my original article and realized that I had not written to the audience that I chose to. I used many geological terms in my expanded definition that someone new to geology would not know. I think the reason this happened is due to the amount of use those terms get in my everyday life and how easy it is for me to rely on them.
I also appreciated her thoughts on the flow of my writing. I noticed that some of the sentences did not read well, and had to be re-read for clarity. I believe the reason I make those mistakes is due to the speed that I would like to be able to write at being faster than what can be read with proper flow. I think that this is something I will need to work on in future assignments.
I also appreciate the need for more images. I think because I have seen cleavage in a hand sample so much, I forget that the audience I chose had no reference images of actual cleavage. I put in some examples of what helped me in the past to wrap my head around the definition. I learned through this that when you choose an audience be sure to re-read the entire piece as if you were that audience. I think this will help me a lot in the future for when I am writing reports or for job applications.
I think that the edits I have made to my original version were needed for the flow and explanation of my definition. I am glad to have had Kayla review my work and provide the feedback that she has, because it has helped me become a better writer. I am excited to bring what I have learned in this assignment to the next.