Peer Review of Definitions Assignment

This was my first peer review in a series of many. I had the chance to review a classmate’s assignment defining the Medulla Oblongata, which I found a little challenging as I did not want to offend anyone, and I was required to assess the tone of the writing, which I had never done before. Still, it was a good exercise in offering constructive criticism. I accidentally followed the wrong formatting and also wrote too much trying to sound polite, both of which I have now corrected. However, I still succeeded in aiding my classmate in improving their work.

Peer Review

To: Peter Yang, Group Member

From: Matilda Murray, Group Member

Date: 9th June, 2022

Subject: Peer Review of your definition of Medulla Oblongata

Thank you for the definitions assignment on the Medulla Oblongata. The assignment was delightful and educational. Here are a few suggestions to further improve the assignment:

First Impressions:

The purpose of the assignment is clearly understood, and a non-technical reader can easily understand what the Medulla Oblongata is. The document is reasonably well organised and clear. However, there are several grammatical errors, and the Parenthetical definition features an incorrect use of parenthesis.

Organisation:

  • Including an Analysis of Parts definition might be helpful. Explaining how elements such as the spinal cord help send messages to the respective parts of the body (or however the Medulla sends messages throughout the body) will aid the reader’s understanding of the term and how it controls processes such as breathing or digestion.
  • Excellent example. However, using symptoms that relate to the functions of the Medulla, rather than stating that the boy’s symptoms are headaches and seizures, may create less confusion.

Original: “A fifteen-year-old kid comes to the hospital for having unprovoked seizures and complains about headaches.” Revised: “A fifteen-year-old comes to the hospital complaining of issues with digestion, heart palpitations and slow reflexes.”

Voice and Clarity:

  • In the majority of the assignment, voice and tone are appropriately used.
  • Adjusting the tone in the History of The Medulla section so it is in an active voice, will help the writing sound more clear and confident.

Examples: Original: “The brain region was discovered during his procedure of removing both cortex and cerebellum from rabbits.” Revised: “Levallois discovered the brain region while removing both cortex and cerebellum from rabbits.” Original: “In this discovery, he found that even though the regions were removed, the rabbits continue to breathe (Bolano, 2020).” Revised: “In this discovery, Levallois found that even though he removed the regions, the rabbits continued to breathe (Bolano, 2020).”

  • The tone is appropriate throughout the assignment, except in the example. Changing the wording “Kid” and “to see what is going on” to something less colloquial such as “child” and “to investigate more”, will help the assignment seem more formal.
  • Writing is reasonable clear.
  • Removing complicated jargon such as vasoconstriction, Moebius Syndrome, TIAs, and Progressive Supranuclear Palsy will avoid confusing a non-technical reader.

Content:

  • The assignment includes all required elements.
    • Introduction
      • Rewriting the introduction in your own words or citing the original person will avoid plagiarism issues.
    • Three forms of definition
      • Excellent sentence definition.
      • Rewriting the Parenthetical Definition so that the parenthesis is appropriately used will help avoid confusion. A parenthetical sentence should add extra information to a complete sentence. Example: Original: “The Medulla Oblongata is (a brain region responsible for controlling one’s automatic processes).” Revised: “The Medulla Oblongata is a region in the brain responsible for controlling one’s automatic processes (such as breathing and digestion).”
    • Four types of expansion are all present.
    • Visuals included.
    • Works cited list is present.

Visuals:

    • Lovely visuals. However, labelling the visuals underneath and citing their source is necessary to aid in clarity and avoid plagiarising.

Works Cited List:

    • Editing is needed to ensure the list has a hanging indent.
    • Adding a citation to the will avoid accusations of plagiarism. The Etymology section still has the coloured background from the website it was copied from, but there is no citation for it.

Grammar:

  • Numerous grammatical errors are present, though most of them are minor issues.
    • Grammatical suggestions:
    • Using correct spacing throughout the assignment.
    • Consistently capitalising “Medulla”.
    • Breaking down the example into smaller sentences instead of one long sentence will help the reader read the assignment more clearly.
    • Altering the sentence: “However, once he removed a specific section of the medulla, however, respiration stopped immediately…” so that it avoids repeating ‘however’. Revised: “However, once he removed a specific section of the Medulla, respiration stopped immediately….”

The assignment was incredibly interesting to read and very educational. Following these suggestions will ensure a perfect assignment:

  • Correcting minor but numerous grammatical errors.
  • Adjusting the tone in the example section.
  • Including proper citations.
  • Removing complicated and technical jargon.
  • Rewriting the parenthetical definition.
  • Including an analysis of parts definition.

Thank you for the wonderful assignment. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.