Formal Report Peer Review

The final peer review of the course was reviewing the formal report of a classmate. I had to assess a classmate’s Formal Report’s tone, grammar and organisation, along with other elements. I certainly found this peer review harder than the others due to the largeness of the report and the vast quantity of writing that had to be reviewed. The feedback I received was primarily good; however, there were some issues with formatting and detail, which I have fixed.

Formal Report Peer Review

To: Juanita Kwok, Student

From: Matilda Murray, Student

Date: 25th July, 2022

Subject: Peer review of formal report draft on mental health in the post-pandemic workspace.

The formal report draft of mental health in the post-pandemic workspace was a fascinating and relevant read. The mental wellness of British Columbians is incredibly important, and with these suggestions, I think that the report will be excellent and truly useful:

First Impressions:

The document has good use of data that helps support the argument that more mental health initiatives are needed. The report was clear and easy to follow; it was easily identifiable that COVID-19 caused issues of burnout, and steps are required to reduce the impact.

  • The two most evident sections needing some adjusting are the visuals, which were hard to read, and the data section, which could benefit from some expansion.

Content:

The document possesses all the necessary sections. It includes:

    • A title page
    • A contents page
    • An introduction
    • A body section with data and analysis
    • A list of conclusions and recommendations
    • Two visuals
    • A works cited list
  • The report was under the word count. However, many of the following suggestions will solve the problem.

Organisation:

The report is well organised and easy to read, with no big chunks of text. Pages such as the title and table of contents are clearly formatted. One minor suggestion:

  • Including subheadings for each survey question in the data section will help the reader.

Style and Grammar:

Overall, the document has excellent usage of “You-Attitude” and great grammar. Here are just some minor issues that could do with some alterations:

  • The report uses a good “You-Attitude”. However, in the recommendations section emphasising the benefit to British Columbians will help the report be more persuasive sounding. Example: Original: “Encourage time off and “mental health” days”. Revised: “Encourage British Columbians to time off and “mental health” days”.
  • An appropriate tone is used throughout the report, maintaining politeness but underlining the issue’s urgency.
  • The majority of the report is grammar free. However, changing some wording may be beneficial as there are several instances where the word choice seems awkward. Here are some examples and suggestions:

Background and Definitions:

      • Original: “Seemingly overnight, it was difficult to distinguish work life from home life…”. Revised: “The pandemic meant that it was difficult to distinguish work life from home life…”
      • Original: “Recognizing the importance of human interaction and connectivity is vital to an organization’s success and to prevent feelings of burnout.” Revised: “Recognizing the importance of human interaction and connection is vital to an organization’s success and to prevent feelings of burnout.”

Purpose of The Report and Intended Audience:

      • Original: “My goal is to evaluate the impacts of an employee’s mental health after the impact of the pandemic…”. Revised: “My goal is to evaluate the repercussions of the pandemic on an employee’s mental health.”

Methods of Inquiry:

      • Original: “The primary data sources for this formal report will be achieved by conducting personal interviews with employees in various industries…”. Revised: “The primary data was collected by conducting interviews with employees in various industries…”.

Survey Findings from Corporate Individuals:

      • Original: “During this study, Millennials are defined at age 18-32 and Gen Xers’ as 33-46 years old. Revised: ‘The study defines Millennials as ages 18-32 and Gen Xers’ as 33-46 years old”.
      • Original: “This suggests two hours of exercise alone per week and majority of respondents do not have the luxury….” Revised: “The data recommends at least two hours of exercise per week. However, most respondents do not have the luxury…”.
      • Original: “Ten out of 25 respondents are complacent with the programs currently offered…”. Revised: “Ten out of twenty-five respondents are satisfied with the programs currently offered…”.
  • Being consistent with numerals will make the report more grammatically correct. Example (In Survey Findings): Original: “Four out of 25 respondents are complacent…” Revised: “Four out of Twenty-Five respondents….”
  • Changing the beginning of some of the paragraphs in the Data Collected section will make the paper seem less repetitive. Example: “In this question” could be changed to “The respondents were asked” or “The survey showed”.

 

Design:

The majority of the report is visually appealing and reader-friendly. There are two minor suggestions:

  • Redoing the graphics, so they are clearer and easier to read.
  • Labelling the visuals with more descriptive captions will aid the reader in understanding the report’s findings.

 

Introduction:

Background and Definitions:

    • The section was well written and perfectly introduced the impact of COVID-19 and the issue of mental health decline in the workplace.

Purpose of Report and Intended Audience:

    • The report’s purpose is clearly stated; it highlights the impacts of remote working on mental health and what British Columbia can do to lessen the impact.
    • Removing the intended audience section will help reduce needless writing. The report is to be presented to Adrain Dix, so it is unnecessary to provide background on him.

Methods of Enquiry:

    • Excellent use of primary and secondary sources.
    • Including more detail will help the reader better understand the report’s findings. Adding how many people answered the survey and explaining what the surveys and interviews ask of the participants will improve the methods section.

Scope of Enquiry:

    • Fantastic scope section, lots of elaboration, and questions are well suited to the research.

 

Collected Data:

Survey Findings From Corporate Individuals:

    • Directly linking survey findings and secondary research about age will allow for better understanding. Example: “The survey shows that millennials comprise a significant majority of the workforce. Meanwhile, results from the American Psychological Association demonstrate that many millennials find stress management important. Thus, one should focus on the demands of a significant majority of the workforce.”
    • Providing evidence to back up the argument that stress is related to COVID-19-related factors in the post-pandemic stress section. Clarifying where the idea that factors such as long hours are a cause of stress came from will strengthen the argument by providing evidence.
    • Expanding on suggestions to improve mental health will aid in arguing the feasibility of recommendations. Example: “Building off survey suggestions to implement four day work week by investigating Canadian companies who have already implemented the method. Further discussing exercise and how it releases endorphins which reduces anxiety and depression.”

Findings from 11 Ways to Prevent Employee Burnout By Oracle:

    • Incorporating a more comprehensive summary of the E-Book 11 Ways to Prevent burnout. Including an expanded summary of the book will present Mr Dix with all the facts as it is unlikely he will read the book himself.
    • Drawing connections between the E-book and the investigative findings helps to support the validity of the results. E.g. connecting how “76% of employees would like to see more initiatives from their employer” to the survey findings about initiatives.

 

Conclusion:

Summary and Overall Interpretation of Findings:

    • The summary felt a bit brief; building on the conclusion with a more extensive overview of the report’s findings will aid in bolstering the report. Example: Clarifying what “deep-rooted issues came to light” will help eliminate confusion and expand the summary.

Recommendations:

    • The suggested recommendations to implement mental health initiatives were excellent and well suited to the report’s findings.

 

Works Cited:

    • Appropriately cited sources in APA format.

 

Final Recommendations:

The report is an impressive first draft that makes excellent headway in researching COVID-related burnout. There is no doubt that by following these suggestions, we can make a convincing report that will encourage the health minister to implement some changes:

  • Removing the intended audience section
  • Expanding on the evidence section
  • Adding more of a summary to the conclusion
  • Altering the graphics
  • Changing some words and phrasings.

 

I thoroughly enjoyed the report and look forward to reading the final version. Please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions or concerns.