Lahey, J. (2015). The gift of failure: How to step back and let your child succeed. London, UK: Short Books Ltd. Edited extract retrieved from http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/sep/05/parenting-tomorrow-why-should-let-children-fail

The idea of a trained fear of failure is a phenomenon that is prevalent among students these days. Students who are terrified of making a mistake and through this, are unwilling to ever take risks. But why is this the case? Parental and teacher intervention. As Jessica Lahey states in her 2015 book The Gift of Failure, “out of love and a desire to protect our children’s self-esteem, we have bulldozed every uncomfortable bump and obstacle out of their way, depriving our children of the most important lesson of childhood: that setbacks, mistakes and failures are the very experiences that will teach them how to be resourceful, persistent, innovative and resilient.”

Well put. The way in which we create a cocoon for our students, a protective shield against falling (and in this case failing), has made our students petrified of making a mistake. This fear comes from two sources. The desire for an idyllic childhood that parents and teacher so badly wish for their children, and the reality that to get our students on an easy road to success, we push them harder and harder to be the best. This may seem counter-intuitive, but it is the reality. These over-parented, over-taught, over-guided students are going to have a very tough time when they enter adult life. When they leave school, the braces will have to be removed and if they aren’t strong enough, they will crumble. So why does Jessica Lahey’s book appeal to my inquiry question? Competition. The sheltering process many educators have engaged in, removing competition completely, is a product of this style of parenting. How do you expect you students to learn how to lose if they’re never given the chance to do so? How will they learn sportsmanship or working as team, or resilience, if you remove a barrier for them to overcome as a group? Yes, competition can be negative. Yes, competition can be part of the high-stakes race for the top that Lahey describes in the pursuit of giving one’s child the bets possible lot in life. However, it doesn’t have to. Competition can be good and depending on framework, is good. With many things in life, all in moderation and with a proper framework.