The peer review offers positive, yet constructive criticism to a member of my writing team, Harvey Dhaliwal. I commented on the highlights of Harvey’s report, as well as some areas requiring improvement. I offered Harvey some suggestions to improve the final document by: including a working header, correcting minor grammatical errors, and using a you-attitude.
Formal Report Peer Review
To: Harvey Dhaliwal, ENGL 301 Student
From: Nicole White, ENGL 301 Student
Date: July 28, 2022
Subject: Peer Review of Research Proposal Draft for Improving Check-in Procedures at the North Delta Recreation Centre
Thank you for submitting the final report draft for improving check-in procedures at the North Delta Recreation Centre. This draft is well-written and presents a strong argument to improve the facility by removing wristbands and implementing an express entry line. Please consider the following suggestions for improving this document.
Initial Impressions:
This final report draft is impressive and engaging. Specifically, the recommendations to remove the plastic waste by using an electronic system is realistic and environmentally conscious. Increasing the use of the you-attitude throughout the report will improve the persuasiveness of the argument. Moreover, highlighting the benefit to the reader, such as the customer’s satisfaction, will aid in receiving a positive response.
Overall Expression:
- The tone of this report is professional and clear.
- Demonstrating a stronger you-attitude will emphasize the issues of the wristbands and wait times to the reader.
Content:
- The length of the report is slightly short at this current stage. The final report length should be 12-15 pages double-spaced and between 2500-3500 words
- Including a working header is important to include in the final report
- Overall, this document contains all the following requirements for assignment 3:2:
- Title page
- Table of contents
- Introduction
- Body section with headings and subheadings
- Three illustrations
- List of conclusions and recommendations
- Works cited list
Grammar and spelling:
- Overall, the document is very well-written; however, there are some minor grammar errors listed below:
Suggestions to Improve Queueing:
- The word “queueing” should be replaced with “queuing” in the sentence “One suggestion that can improve queueing efficiency….”
- Additionally, “Queueing” in the header of this section, as well as on the title page, should be corrected.
- Adding a comma before the word “so” is correct for the sentence “From a facility standpoint, the assets needed to implement this change (scanners, staff) already exist so no new investment…”
Statement of problem:
- A comma should be placed between “harm” and “considering” in the sentence “This system creates unnecessary waste and environmental harm considering …”
Wristband survey data:
- The word “or” should be corrected to “nor” in the sentence “Neither comfortable or uncomfortable in survey data page”
- Including the word “of” in the sentence “In terms of support for alternatives to wristbands 43.75% respondents…” is correct when referring to the percentage of respondents; a comma after “wristbands” is also needed for this sentence
Organization:
- The title page is clear, properly formatted, and addresses the reader correctly
- The overall presentation of the report is reader-friendly and visually appealing
- Distinguishing the subheadings will improve the overall organization of this report. This can be achieved by the use of different sizes, italics, etc.
- For example, the subheading ‘Inefficiencies’ should be in a different heading level than ‘Queuing System
- The works cited list is correctly formatted in MLA, however, the “https://” should be excluded in the website link
Introduction:
Background:
- The background gives concise information regarding the North Delta Recreation Centre and the process customers go through to use the facilities.
Statement of Problem:
- The statement of problem clearly identifies the problems North Delta Recreation Centre faces
- This includes unnecessary delays, environmental harm from wristbands, and the challenges’ people with disabilities experience with wristbands
- Putting an emphasis on the positive has a stronger impact on the reader. For example, this can be done by changing:
- “This system creates unnecessary waste and environmental harm considering the bands are single use” to “The North Delta Recreation Centre can have a positive environmental impact by reducing wristband waste.”
Method of Research:
- A good overview of the methods of research is given, including the primary (survey and questionnaire) and secondary data sources (online research)
Queuing System:
Inefficiencies:
- Avoiding the negative in the sentence “This can result in poor user satisfaction and unnecessary wait times” will aid in the strength of the argument to use an electronic check-in system
Wristbands:
Related Issues:
- The Government of Canada implemented a single-use plastic ban. Using this as a reference may strengthen the argument to remove the wristbands
- Writing objectively in the sentence “Based on personal experience, I have found the wristbands to be cumbersome to apply and often uncomfortable during my workout” can remove biases from the report
Survey Data:
- The data collected from the survey is presented coherently and yields interesting results
- Increasing the size for the x-axis and y-axis labels in the visuals will improve readability
- Including an x-axis label will clarify the results in the figures and make the data easier to interpret. Does the x-axis represent the number of respondents? If so, the numbers should be whole
Recommendations:
Suggestions to Improve Queueing:
- The suggestion to improve queuing by creating an express line is realistic and well-thought-out
Suggestions for Wristband Alternatives :
- The suggestion to remove the wristbands and implementing an electronic system is outlined clearly
- This section does an exceptional job at emphasizing the positive effects that the new system would have on the facility, including the reduced costs and a positive environmental impact
Conclusion:
- The overall conclusion is concise and appropriately highlights the main points of the report, including the problems the facility faces, supporting survey data, and the proposed solutions
Final Impressions:
Overall, this report draft is easy to read and provides a convincing argument to improve the check-in procedures at the North Delta Recreation Centre. This investigation could result in important changes for disabled people, and reduce unnecessary economical waste and needless wait times at this facility. Improving the final report can be achieved by considering the following recommendations:
- Editing the minor spelling and grammatical errors, as listed above
- Emphasizing the positive when expressing negative information
- Ensuring a you-attitude is expressed throughout the document
- Increasing the x-axis and y-axis label size, and clarifying the x-axis data
- Reformatting the subheadings
Great work on this assignment, and please contact me if you need any clarifications or have further questions.
Enclosure: Harvey’s Formal Report Draft