University Bits Cite

Thinking back… I suddenly realized…

I always think that it’s better to start working, get into the world earlier, start trading time for money… (instead of what I’m doing now- buying time to trade a piece of paper, a degree…)

But when I am watching drama as usual ( I don’t want to study for finals at all… so that’s what I’ve been doing…) I feel that I’ve missed out.

I never had as much fun in highschool… no sleep overs, no crazy day long party, (a bit of underage drinking, I guess), no boyfriend ( this is a minor one, I love being single anyways), not much fun stuff…

It seems like all my school memories worth noting are all from back when I was at Taiwan… that is like 5 years ago!

REALLY?! I want to change this! I don’t want to be a person who only studies! I want to do lots of stuff! Party, join clubs that I actually enjoy, befriend people who actually appreciate me, and so much more!

These things will become so complicated once I leave school. Society is scary, things won’t be as simple as it is in school.

You might think it’s because I am trying to rationalize why I cannot get into pharmacy after 1st year (well, there might be some chances – ok, fine, less than 50%). My mom was happy to hear this when I told her what I think… I am starting to know what I want and starting to notice and realize what I think is important in my life.

Nothing. Nothing I am doing now is important in my life to me. Watching drama?! Facebooking?! Even studying becomes really meaningless, because it’s not what I like to do!

I am, however, willing to surrender to the reality. I understand perfectly that I need to do what I am good at in order to have the life I want to live.

I want to be an actress, a singer, a talk show host, a star.
I love to act, but I’ve given that up… because I am not pretty enough, and I need to study.
I love to sing, but I’m giving that up… because I’m not pretty enough, I am not as good at singing anymore, and I need to study.
I love to talk, but I will give that up… because I’m not pretty enough,  not given the chance, and I need to study.

I hate … studying…

But if I am able to get myself a good piece of paper (a degree) I might stand out from the crowd more. So I, decided to keep living the safe way – even if I never get to fulfill my dreams, at least I’ll have a smooth life with all the planned path my parents (including God) had layed out for me. I humbly accept, because they are right and they care.

Bitter, but what can I do?

If I fail this year, next year I am going to have fun. Try to live a different life. Enjoy university. Meet friends that I can keep for life. Maybe even meet someone I like.

Sounds like a plan… ok. I need to sleep now so I can wake up for waffles that I keep missing…