University Bits Cite

Freaking Out and Totally Start Feeling A Bit… Lonely?

Ok… I am having the biggest trouble in my chem 211 ok… I don’t know why I don’t get something that is so easy… like the class average is 70% but I can barely hit that (or just go way under that)…This is eating me alive inside!!! What’s worst? I can’t concentrate! The thought of studying really makes me sick, and look, here I am writing this while knowing nothing from the lectures or anything like that… I’m a lost cause, I tell you, it’s really really bad…

I have to try not to fail. It might even be hard for me to get above average if I fail to catch up this weekend… I mean I still have hope… ( I think…). I really really just need something good to happen in my life now, but nothing seems to be right.

I did my interview for an RA position at Totem Park for next term just yesterday (Thursday). It didn’t go as well as I had hoped.. and I want it bad… real bad.

I flunked all my exams so far (and no, I am not saying Asian fail… ). I actually thought I might be able to bring my average up and get into a decent major next year… good, now I’m kinda stuck here going no where…

To tell the truth, I have thought about what others had been telling me, I need someone special… I can’t just keep having unrealistic celebrity crushes, crazy fan girl behaviours. I need to have someone who will actually be there for me. None of my friends are up for the job (or else I wouldn’t bother writing that article about how they don’t trust me few days ago). My sister … really, our relationship is really weird, like we’re close, but not all that friendly. We fight too much and get annoyed at each other too much, plus, it’s not like she knows any better. My parents aren’t here, and even if they are and I talk to them, they’d be trying too hard to tell me what to do when all I want is to pour things out. I know it kind of sound like I can’t stand loneliness (which is probably true and I’m just not realizing it). But I handle being by myself well, and really love being single. So this kind of “wanting a special partner” thing is REALLY creeping me out… I now sometimes just daydream about a guy coming along and sweep me off my feet. OMG! Am I hitting my teenage at the end of my teenage years? (My mental age is always behind where it should be at).

If any of my friend or family read this, they would probably freak out ( probably some of them would be shouting in joy and getting me a blind date). I’m just always so determined that I am going to stay single. It is pathetic though, the way others see it. I know I am not attractive and never that popular. I have no male friends, and never really find the need (or wish) to talk to any guy. It is like, even if I don’t want to be single, I’d still be single anyways. Horrible! If any of you other girls’ life comes to this, get help! ( I’m totally in trouble, am I not?)…

My friend, Lillian asked me last night, if I believe in marriage… well… I am Christian LOL, so I answered, “I’m Christian, I can’t have sex before I’m married, there is no way I am going to give that up?!” hahaha… funny, eh?  (maybe I shouldn’t write so much on this blog that is so personal).

I know, it’s too early to worry if I’d ever be able to settle down at my age, but sometimes I wonder. I don’t have time to think about all these really, it’s just — I’m so STRESSED FROM ALL THE EXAMS. That’s why my mind goes into this infinite loop about these unnecessary thoughts! I should focus and if life gives me lemons, I’d take them and make real nice lemon cupcakes!

OK, seriously lol I churned out this pointless article of 700 words in like less than half an hour, this is ridiculous… I just ramble on and on don’t I XD?!