To: Atlasi Rasuli, The “A-team”

From: Pooja Patel, The “A-team”

Date: July 19, 2021

Subject: Review of your Formal Report Draft

Assignment Link: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-98a-2021sa/2021/07/14/301atlasirasuliassignment3-2formalreportdraft/

 

Thank you for taking the time to construct a creative and perceptive draft of your formal report. Please see below for suggestions for further enhancement.

 

First Impression

This is a well-written and correctly organized formal report draft. All requirements for the first draft are exceedingly met. 

 

Organization and Design

The report is neatly organized in terms of utilizing correct headings for sections and page numbers. However, the title and author details should be organized onto a separate cover page as per requirements. A working title and labels for figures should also be included. The table of contents should be included on a separate page as well and all parts of the listed content should be assigned a corresponding page number. 

 

Introduction

The introduction section provides a satisfactory amount of background information on the topic to allow the reader to understand what is being presented. The breaking of the introduction into subsections is appreciated as it allows the reader to stay focused on the topic. Overall, this section is short and concise which is ideal. 

 

Data 

The data section is well-organized with appropriate subheadings and detail. The description of the process of interview conduction and the sample group itself is insightful and supportive to the context. However, the survey and interview responses can be difficult to thoroughly follow and the reader may be confused on what exactly they should be understanding. A suggestion would be to organize the data into bar graphs or pie charts in terms of answers. This will allow the reader to clearly visualize how the answers correspond to what is being investigated and discussed. Aim to incorporate the figures within the text and explain how it relates to the text by utilizing appropriate captions. The research conducted through secondary sources should be organized in paragraph form and also explain the purpose of these findings. These integrations will help this section flow in a logical manner. 

 

 

Conclusion

Overall, the conclusion is well-rounded as it provides a competent summary and interpretation of findings. However, organizing this section into paragraph form and primarily separating strategies into point form will allow an overall coordinated flow for the reader to easily follow. 

 

Works Cited

Citations are completed correctly, however, should be organized in alphabetical order. 

 

Style

The report maintains an overall objective and positive tone. 

 

Grammar

Sentences are mainly succinct. Please refer to the following in regards to minor grammatical errors.

 

Surveys and Interviews:

  • Add a hyphen between the words “forty” and “three”.

 

Studies:

  • Change “in order to” to “to” as it is too wordy.
  • Add an apostrophe in “ones”.
  • Add a hyphen between the words “five” and “minute”.
  • Add a comma before the word “not” in the sentence “aiming for completion not perfection”.

 

Concluding Comment 

Overall, the draft is articulate and impressive. The implementation of the following suggestions will help further enhance it:

  • Reorganize some sections (to achieve further overall conciseness).
  • Focusing on adding clear and exclusive statements to help the reader easily understand.
  • Correcting minor grammatical issues.

 

Please feel free to contact me if you require any additional information and/or have any questions. Thank you for your time.