Hello blogorinos,

I have had a very exciting week.

Firstly, my life has been gloriously devoid of DATA-ing. The goals I outlined in my last post, which I neglected to italicize, are materializing a little slower than I’d like (poor pacing in regular font, I suppose) but I did have a productive work day yesterday and I am now “in” writing my 2nd chapter. Meaning, I’ve started it, and have about 2 pages of writing. This is good.

What has been particularly enjoyable is that given the nature of this research project – that is to say, a long drawn out debacle that began before I even started my M.Sc – I have found that writing this chapter demands a stronger narrative voice than one might usually expect.

So I have had fun writing the methods…and the methods may very well be the meat of the paper because the project was methods development…except my supervisor is on holiday, does not know I’ve begun Ch 2. without finishing Ch 1. (which shouldn’t matter really, these are self-imposed deadlines), and may quash this little guiding voice I’ve inserted into the paper. Said quashing will take place approximately 2 weeks from now though, when she returns from her break and I’ve presumably flushed out the writing quite a bit. We’ll see how that goes, but for now I’m trusting my instincts.

Have I yet mentioned that I am enjoying writing? Much like running – who the heck knew!? It’s a challenge in that I am regularly limited by my lack of knowledge and am forced to take reading breaks, but when I can write, I certainly enjoy it.

Moving on – much is new.

1. I have been awarded the UBC Killam Graduate Teaching Assistant Award. This is a HUGE honour, to say the very least. I found out this excellent news in my mailbox on Friday, which made for an excellent weekend kick-off. This letter has given me back approximately 5 minutes (cumulative) per day since I no longer need to obsessively check the website with previous winners’ names listed. Also, it validates putting my ePortfolio first for 1+ week and my passion for teaching and learning. Probably not in that order. Poorly put.

2. I have reached a point where daydreaming and planning for the future is actually a good use of my time. I think the transition from being a waste to an effective use my time happened in the last two weeks or so?! In these last two weeks I have been told of numerous opportunities that would be basically perfect for me, and become available with fairly good timing. I have also met with an individual who I believe holds the golden key to my obtaining the post-grad job I truly want. This latter development happened just before I began to write this blog!

The bottom line from this meeting is that I should be able to acquire some sort of opportunity here (or at least apply for them…heh..heh…*sob*), and the job I truly want will indeed be available, but it will also be an international competition. ….slightly intimidating. Overall, the coffee date was very positive, Ms. Golden Key is very enthusiastic about what I do next, is supportive of my intentions, and I think I made it clear that I was officially throwing my hat into the ring for that job. I’ve also realized there is not just one Golden Key holder. There are many. Basically a whole faculty worth.

As it turns out, the timing of all the opportunities I alluded to above may work out in such a way that the jobs I like slightly less are getting filled slightly before the job I truly want, which is slightly inconvenient. I have to be grateful for the timing of all this though, I am a very lucky girl indeed that these opportunities are even available in the same general window that I too become available. I have some ideas of what to do next to continue on this path of future planning, many of which were supplied by Ms. Golden Key. Basically it consists on going on a number of other coffee dates with new and familiar faces!

I shall leave it here for now. Perhaps in the next post I will have an update on the future, or it may simply focus on writing, narrative, and getting things ready for my supervisor’s return….to email.

What better way to re-introduce myself after a month-long blogging hiatus then with this video.

I swear, I may listen to this song every day between now and when I defend. My office mate was singing this tune Friday and this morning…and while it was fun to sing to on Friday, it really resonates on a Monday Morning.

This week I am home alone, and so my goal is to make myself miserable with working hard. Thus, I have resolved I will make each day infinitely better by listening to this song each morning to pump myself up! I suspect however, that if I work as hard as I hope to, “miserable” will shortly transform into “awesomeness” as it normally does when I see the fruits of my labour take shape (or is it get juicy?).

Moving on…or rather, backwards. Since the last post, I feel that quite a bit has happened:

I was lucky enough to go to Whistler for a week with my dad, and despite your *holiday* alarm bells ringing, I will have you know that I used the opportunity to work very hard, cross-train for the 5K (“cross” because I wasn’t allowed to run – thus the rower, bike, and elliptical were my poisons) and snowshoe every couple days. The result of that week? My Teaching Portfolio – it’s alive! This is a project I began in the fall and resolved to have “finished” by the spring and ta da! Nothing beats the motivation of future prospects. I say “finished” as a portfolio is always a work-in-progress, so what I really mean is a version that is complete enough to be published online. If any of you readers want to take a look and provide comments or feedback (as a reply to this blog post) I would happily welcome it!

Also completed: the St. Patrick’s Day 5k! I can’t believe I did it. And yes – I did it! I ran the whole thing, minus the forced walking bottleneck about 5 minutes in, which conveniently coincided with when my physiotherapist told me to take a walking break. My time was 36:18 and I am very, very proud. Last Monday morning I went to my physiotherapist to treat my exhausted ankle. It was swollen and sore, and ended up getting taped for 4 days. It made me feel like a REAL athlete. I’m so athletic I get my muscles taped. Bitchin’!

I recommend the St. Patrick’s Day 5k to anyone who is interested in starting to run. It’s not very competitive and instead is focused on having a good time. There are indeed prizes for fastest times, but there are also costume contests, and an irish-themed party afterwards. We had irish stew, cupcakes, lucky charms cereal, and more. It was amazing how much food they provided, especially since this is one of the cheapest races to sign up for! We were also given Granville Island pint glasses with the race logo and year printed on one side. You can pay to fill it up and have a true St. Pats celebration if you choose. The tag line is “Come for the race, stay for the party” – and boy is this true – a group of strangers challenging themselves and then celebrating together (community, anyone? One of my favourite things).

I definitely want to keep going with the running since I’ve come so far, and have picked out my ideal next race. The only snag is that this race coincides with the time I plan to defend, but conveniently I can register up to 2 days in advance of the race! So I plan to train as if I have signed up, but if the race ends up adding stress rather than relieving it during a very important time, I simply will not go ahead with it.

So those are my two very exciting developments. I’ll admit, I’m glad I can disappear for a month and come back with accomplishments under my belt. I will not let another month go by until my next update, but hopefully I can keep this pattern of achievements going. I believe I will – just last week I actually started writing. I’ve been in the “writing phase” for a while as I put it, but that included making an extensive outline for my supervisor, analyzing samples and planning. Now I’m actually writing the darned thing.

Hopefully by the next time I post I will have a significant portion of 1 chapter done (as per usual I will no jinx myself by saying what exactly) and be finished on the microscope. Oh, to be finished microscoping! My neck and general sanity dream for this day!

Until then…dreams of massages and running and general tomfoolery. Have a good few days, all.

Hey…so…

I’m suffering from an intense overload of grad student-ly emotions: stress, relief, shame, motivation, confidence, vulnerability, bitchin’-ness.

That’s right: I just Skyped with my supervisor. And now I’m losing my mind.

Well, that’s not quite accurate, though I am feeling post-conversation nervousness. And to compliment the cocktail of emotions listed above, lets add overwhelmed and avoidance-y, considering I have made my next move a blog post whilst I turn on “Say Yes to the Dress”. Seriously people, I need to unwind for 30 minutes.

To begin explaining/working through the emoti-cocktail, let me just say that I may have unique feelings about my supervisor: I feel that I have won the supervisor lottery. She’s been very supportive throughout various roadblocks I’ve encountered, can usually motivate me, and give me confidence. On top of that, I just love her! I actually consider her a friend, or as “friend”-ly as we can be given our professional relationship.

Despite my adoration for this woman, I can be rather terrified of her at times. After all, she is my supervisor and as dictated by the universal laws of graduate study, I feel totally inadequate on average. Today we had a skype date for the first time of the new year. It had been a while, and I felt like I had to say something impressive.

What occurred was a gentle tread into what I really wanted to talk about: graduation! [Please read the g-word as if it is sung by angels whilst heavenly light breaks through the Vancouver clouds]. Weee! I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, though the light is about the size of a pinprick. I have definitely enjoyed my time here and am grateful for all the challenges and opportunities it has brought me, but I am ready to finish this up and ask “what’s next?”.

Well, we did indeed tread into this topic and I was slightly disappointed by what I heard…a graduation date was suggested that was a few critical months beyond the time I dream of it happening. And because I think my meetings with her must [presumably] resemble confession, I brought it up. I not only brought it up, but I laid out my best laid plans, what I hope my next step to be.

Here’s what I heard in return: “………Rebecca, I KNEW you were going to do that. I KNEW it!” and then she proceeded to say lovely things which boosted my confidence and kiboshed the disappointment I felt just moments before. So apparently she is either the equivalent of my high school girlfriends that can predict my every move, or my aptitudes and interests indiscreetly scream at those who know me. I’ll take either.

Okay, I’m feeling better now. I needed to process the chain of events during this meeting, and this blog is such an excellent tool for doing so. Moreover, Say Yes to the Dress just ended and now it’s time to tackle my day on campus.

Thanks for reading a pretty candid look into my emoti-cocktailed MSc. journey.

Over the holidays, I visited home in Ontario and visited my partner’s family in England. Both visits were absolutely wonderful! Being home definitely let me daydream about the future (consult previous post). Though I love my hometown and that marvelous feeling of home in my core, I was very happy to get back to my current home in Vancouver. It’s nice to have my clothes hanging up and fresh laundry when I want it, use my own fridge and kitchen, and bake bread! Yum yum.

While in Ontario, I had the opportunity to give a short re-read to one of the more inspiring books I’ve read in the past couple years, Me to We by Craig and Marc Kielburger. I didn’t go through it all, but in the short bit I covered, I came across a line that really struck me, which goes something like this:

It doesn’t matter as much whether you reach your goals, as long as you have the right ones.

Let’s emphasize less the first part of the sentence, because what resonated with me is having the right goals. This sentence can justify countless graduating class’ yearbook goals to “save the world”, “help the environment” and so on. It’s so true that having a positive attitude and having positive goals can be the driving force in motivating what you do.

Ignoring now my previous post about thinking too far ahead, I have imagined a combined To Do + Goals list detailing the direction I wish my life to take in the next 5 years (justified by the excerpt above). Really it’s a wish list, and I would be so lucky to acheive or touch any of these goals. I realize that life can change in a split second, but it’s fun to plan. Potentially the “funnest” part of this list? I have recently added a goal which is to be on the television show PICK A PUPPY in the next few years. I honestly don’t care about being on television, in fact I know that I would start speaking gibberish as soon as there were any cameras, the goal is that I want to play with various puppies in order to pick the perfect on to fit in my family!

….I caught 10 minutes of that show the other day and I think it would be the best fun. I’m aiming high, people!

Happy New Year everyone!

I am currently sitting at my desk which is covered in plants, a family pictures calendar, countless paper(s) to my right, and wet socks on my left. Oh, and one stress “ball” that looks like a brown bear, which I have just named Beary (for the sake of this blog). I’m also bopping my head around to the sound of the ska tunes that defined my high school years.

In the past few weeks, I’ve identified an academic focusing problem. What I do is put a lot of time and energy into planning what’s next and how to get there and thinking all too often about what I really really really want to do next! Then I look around and realize my thesis is yet to be completed and my plants need watering. I am thinking about the future and planning for it, but have not been as passionate about the present for a while now.

As I said, I recognized this in the past month or so, but as I sit at this lively desk, I have just realized that I also have this problem in the personal aspect of my life.

This morning, I read a friend’s blog in which she discussed how she does not believe in New Year’s Resolutions because any time is a good time to change your life. I totally agree. However, she wrote something right after this that totally struck me. She asked why do people plan to do things on January first and ignore their lives in the present until the next January first rolls around? Do it now. Live your life!

After reading this wise statement, guilt crept in: I have recently been daydreaming about the next steps in my relationships (and I’ll admit it, I bookmarked a baby blanket knitting pattern or two), figuring out where I will live when I live in the “real house of my adult life” and how fun it will be etc., etc.

Wait a second – I live in a wonderful apartment. With my partner. In an amazing city. Let’s pull the daydream reigns in…what’s wrong with right now?

Nothing. It is now my goal, my “new year’s resolution” if you will, to not make “new year’s resolutions”. Live in the present, not in the future. I’ll keep planning, but I’ll focus and enjoy right now to the fullest instead.