Hi all,

About two weeks ago I attended a workshop at the Centre for Teaching, Learning and Technology during which we discussed “What do you wish you had known as a new instructor or student at University?”

I attended this session as a means of gaining insight from the brains of wise veteran instructors.

The group was small, but I was very much enlightened by the end of the session. We explored both the realms of students and instructors – what we’d like to be equipped with when new to the (either) scene, and what resources we should provide to new folks, as veterans.

In answering these questions, we constructed maps with clustered post-it notes that summarized themes, pivotal questions, and solutions. The maps for students and instructors ended up being virtually identical. It seems that, in being a “new” anything, our biggest issue is fear of the unknown and how to be confident and succeed in new and unfamiliar environments. As veterans, it seems that providing support in a number of ways – paper resources, directing to campus services, reading groups, one-on-one guidance – could do the trick.

What really struck me was that the (self-declared) lack of the “newbies” could be easily remedied by what the veterans could provide – mentorship. I suppose I use the term “veteran” to mean “expert”, implying that there is an understanding of the field, the content, and likely of the cogs that make the whole machine work. This is why I say they could “easily” support those facing the unknown, I refer to the inherent knowledge base of a veteran.

When I began my engagement with teaching and learning, my dad (an emeritus professor) sent me a book he’s had for years, titled Adviser, Teacher, Role Model, Friend: On Being a Mentor to Students in Sciences and Engineering by the National Academy Press. This book starts by broadly defining a mentor as “someone who takes a special interest in helping another person develop into a successful professional”. It mentions that in academia, mentor is often used synonymously with faculty advisor or lab supervisor, which isn’t always the case. Mentoring fosters a relationship that is personal in addition to professional; “an effective mentoring relationship is characterized by mutual trust, understanding, and empathy. Good mentors are able to share life experiences and wisdom, as well as technical expertise”.

Since this cartoon lightbulb has gone off at the CTLT workshop and continues to float above my head as I go through this nice little book, I have been thinking a great deal about mentoring and ways to improve work environments via this avenue.

I encourage you all to think about issues you may have run into as a “newbie”, problems you may be facing in the workplace, and consider what place, if any, mentoring has in the solution. Feel free to leave a comment and start a discussion too! I would be happy to discuss – this is my own personal “Hot Topic” right now!

Over time, dear blogorinos, I have developed a system for dealing with high-stakes emails, which in the world of M.Sc. really means supervisor feedback. It basically goes like this:

1. Begin by expecting the worst.
2. Once the feedback finally reaches my inbox, develop stomach pit.
3. Read quickly, much like ripping off a bandaid.
4. Abandon email, slowly and quietly process, and go back within a day to re-read and thoroughly consider.

Normally this works swimmingly. It allows me to “get over” the fact that yes, there is feedback in the email (why isn’t my work just perfect already!?), then move on to appreciate it and develop an action plan.

This week, the plan didn’t go quite as swimmingly as usual. On the Thursday before Easter Long Weekend, I had a (self-imposed) deadline to tie up all the loose ends on what I had recently been working on and send my supervisor all of it before I went on a glorious weekend trip (which left me very refreshed, I’ll have you know!). I did just that – sent her 4 files with a detailed list of all the things I had done since I sent her a file one month before this.

Yesterday – one week later – I received a response. Here is what I got out of my “quick read”/item # 3 of my high-stakes email response system. Keep in mind I’m still under the influence of items 1 & 2.

Hey Rebecca

I’ve gone through all your files. You did a lot of work, but you still have tons more to do, sucker! It will take you forever.

I edited everything. In the 2nd Chapter, the one I didn’t know you were working on, there are multiple times I don’t understand what you are talking about. Good job. This needs work. That needs work. This and that need work.

You may recall I said I wanted frequent updates during my sabbatical. Now I never want to hear from you again until your whole thesis is written! Ha!

You may also recall you wrote a detailed list outlining all of your progress and choices. Well, I don’t! I didn’t read that list, which I will now prove to you with a number of statements pointing out, with incredulity, the things that are already carefully explained in my inbox! O, if only I were to read it!

Sincerely,

Jailkeeper

Before we proceed – let me emphasize again where I was in the mental realm. Not only did I want her to edit a large chunk of my thesis (well, the largest chunk I’ve produced yet), some of which she didn’t quite know was coming, I had requested to Skype and discuss defence dates. It was most definitely a “high stakes email” – one that would help me figure out when I can finish my degree. So I most definitely had a pit in my stomach before reading it, and I most definitely read it pessimistically. My “paraphrasing” above is in no way representative of how my supervisor writes or would speak to another individual – not even close – let me remind you I adore her. Simply, her email was disappointing as it did not touch on Skyping nor determining a freedom date and rather pithily pointed out all the weaker aspects (amongst a sea of 1000s of words of new material) which I believe I already explained/described my plan to tackle them. My pessimistic attitude took her response and, during item #4 of my high-stakes email response system, convinced me that what I had read in her response is what is written above. Ah, the mental health of a M.Sc.!

So that’s how it sat with me for half a day. I first read her email sitting in my comfys, just out of bed around 6:30AM, and unsurprisingly felt bummed out afterwards. Luckily and unluckily, I had to mark like crazy, so although I didn’t have time to dwell, it allowed me to avoid a subsequent re-reading of the email. Finally in the afternoon I got to it again, re-read it, and then I opened the edited files. This was something I neglected to do in the morning.

The feedback? There was barely any editing. It was totally manageable. The chapter she didn’t know I started working on was largely unedited. Given how thorough her editing always is, I am going to cut myself a break on this one and believe that this is a good sign, not a bad one. My response to this new development was basically polar opposite to my reaction of her email: I laughed.

Though her email still reads a little more pithily than usual, it is balanced by good support of my writing efforts. Could it be possible she doesn’t want to edit as frequently because she trusts my writing skills? Oh wait, hasn’t she told me I’m a good writer, multiple times? Could it be that there were only 2-3 sentences in my surprise chapter’s methods that confused her? Could it be she’s confused about some things because we did those experiments over 2 years ago and as a 2-month-in graduate student at the time, I didn’t quite have a handle on exactly what was happening? Hang on a second, didn’t I want her feedback on those points to begin with, to clarify what we did back then?

And so, I have learned the flaws of my system. Firstly, I should probably cheer up chum. I am well aware I need to work on pessimism and this experience was definitely a case in point. In addition, while it is nice to give myself time to process important developments, it really only works if I understand what has actually developed. Not just an email I’m dreading to read, but the actual feedback that will propel me into the future.

Sigh. It’s friday. It’s sunny. I’m going to a play tonight. I’ll get through this…eventually…sucker.

If I had to use one word to describe what I’ve been up to in the last couple weeks it would be DATA!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been fixing up my data, I’ve been thinking about my data, I’ve been writing about my data, I’ve been confused about my data, I’ve been pleased with my data, I’ve been asking my supervisor about my data, I’ve basically been dating my data in a love-sick first-boyfriend kind of way. Not that I’d ask my supervisor about who I’m dating.

As per this post, I had set some goals for the end of March, particularly for March Break whilst I was home alone for the week. While I didn’t end up feeling as miserable during March Break as I predicted, I did indeed pump up my efforts, finished microscoping, and sent a draft of a chapter chunk to my supervisor. Huzzah! As an added bonus, her feedback didn’t say “burn it and start again”!

Last week I was lazier, in part because my boyfriend was back and my mom was about to visit, and in part because I lacked a thorough, motivating plan. Apparently, blogging in italics really solidified my commitment to microscoping. And so I declare this an accountability blog!

These last few days I’ve been trying to work on the discussion section without stats or my tables and figures and it is slow-going. I know all the tables and figures I will be making and have rough versions of them amongst my data sheets, but I haven’t made them in the professional-looking software yet. The only place I can do stats and make my figures is on an old computer in my office and I spend most of my time away from school at the moment (especially since my mom is currently visiting). Plus – what are stats? I need to do some serious reviewing.

So now I’m at a weird spot. I’ve decided to work backwards. I am not as far as I’d like to be in thesis-writing, but I feel like I may be able to catch up by starting the next chapter (without finishing the first). Earlier today I started fixing up my data for chapter 2. My logic is that I will be using many of my references for each section of my thesis (Intro, Ch1, Ch2, Conclusion) so why not write sentences for them all at the same time? Not the same sentences, but visit each reference only once (a girl can dream).

Along these lines, why not do all my stats and all my tables/figures for both chapters at once as well? If I go through the data this week as I refresh my statistical knowledge, I can soon create graphs and p values to no end (until the end)!

I don’t know if this will work. Either way, I will try doing Ch2 stuff for a little while to give Ch1 and I a much needed “time out”. As it turns out, getting hot and heavy right away has made Ch1 and I a little testy with one another recently. Plus I need to give myself some time to read up, which this does.

So this week I will be data-ing and reading. Next week I will be stats-ing and figure-ing. The following week I will be reading and writing as fast as I can. For Chs 1! and 2! and the Intro!

…Can she do it? Is it written in italics? Oh wait–

8 hours ago, me to officemate: “Planning my defence is going to be challenging, considering 2 committee members have to videoconference in from separate places.”

officemate: “Yea, sux to be u!!!”

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.
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1 hour ago, Skype: “O hai Rebecca, wanna download our new version? You can videoconference with people in different places. No big deal.”

Me: Fall off chair.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Today, Earth & Ocean Sciences Graduate Student Council hosted the first ever EOS Graduate Student Research Roundup from 2-4 PM in our main building’s lobby. As one of three Coordinators (the presidential role) for EOS Grad Council, I oversaw the planning of this event – I felt like it was my “baby”. This event was advertised for 3 weeks or so, and had a great response from student and faculty, who replied to the advertising emails with “Great Idea!”. It was a good start.

Yet here I sit, writing this blog before 4PM. I had 2 posters of my own on display and oversaw the event, so I would be there ’til the bitter end – and I was. What happened?

It is one of Grad Council’s goals to make connections with faculty and fellow students. As a Department, we are fairly segregated – the oceanographers in one building a 5-10 minute walk to the main Department building, geophysics in another, and so on. So you can go about your grad-studently life without having to connect with other groups – hence the reason we have this goal.

There’s an “urban legend” among some Grads that emphasize the disconnect:
Once upon a time in the early 2000’s, a graduate scholar was to give a scientific presentation for a the Department-wide seminar series but feared the wrath of faculty and their intelligent questions! And so the scholar decreed that no faculty were permitted to attend! And ever since, the decree has hung over the heads of faculty, who have not attended grad student initiatives ever since, and this way it will be forevermore!
While I believe that this event took place, I’m going to go ahead and quash the idea that there is some Disney-like evil charm preventing faculty going to events.

However, this evil charm may as well exist because we had low faculty attendance today. We had an excellent amount of grads at the beginning, we had some undergrads who wanted poster tips (and were very eager nice ladies if I do say so myself!), and we had a couple faculty smiling faces come by which was incredibly appreciated. But literally – just a couple. 2 or 3. Those who wrote “Great idea!” emails did not attend.

The lack of faculty became quite noticeable after the initial rush for free coffee and donuts. In response, even poster presenters began to leave the event to go do other things since faculty weren’t there. By 3PM there was a very small group of committed students waiting for the odd faculty to come see the event. By 3:30 or so the group gave up. Gave up and packed up.

I was disappointed in the low faculty numbers but the packing up was what really bummed me out. The low point was when a student even turned away a very enthusiastic professor who came in the 2nd hour on his own. He was really engaged and talking to a student (me) when others started packing up around us, I suppose because he was the only attendee at the time. When he turned around to talk to the next student about their research – whatever it may be – he was turned away!

I’m not intending to separate myself from this group, because I sat to write this before 4PM. I’m part of the problem. That’s the thing, we can’t truly be upset faculty didn’t come b/c we didn’t last the event either. What about faculty who came after 3:30PM? We’ll never know.

And what about the faculty who did? We would hope that the enthusiastic faculty members who came this time can encourage their colleagues to go next year. Except this one enthusiastic professor will most likely remember that he was gently told to leave. Now what kind of review do we expect from that?

Despite this narrative of disappointment, the grad student attendance was so satisfying, and the faculty that came were so pleased, that I believe this event will indeed become annual, as it was intended. Thus it is imperative we work on the model so that it will become better attended next year.

Lessons learned:
-The main thing is that I should give a voice to what I care about. Even if I’m on my own in my opinion. I could have made the choice to stay at the poster event to ensure it lasted until 4PM. When our faculty was “rejected” I should have said something like “well it’s not 4PM yet, who wants to tell _ about their research?” indicating that I would not participate in packing up.
-Clarify the commitment expected from participants – mainly that if you present your poster, you commit to be there until the (potentially bitter) end.
-Toy with the idea of shortening the event to 1 or 1.5 hours. If it is 1 hour, it should overlap for a 1/2 hour with 2 classes so that we can increase accessibility to teaching profs and students in classes.

On to the next, I suppose? How do you deal with group-effort disappointments?

I am currently working on my Teaching Philosophy for my Teaching (e-) Portfolio, which I am preparing for opportunities on the horizon – both during and after I graduate.

I have been working on my portfolio since the fall, and I have found it so rewarding. Yes, I intend to use it as a tool to obtain employment, but in my organizational work, drafting, and writing up some of the smaller sections of this document, I have identified the major pillars of what I believe in, and how this is reflected in my teaching. Coming to recognize the pillars of my teaching practice has basically written my Teaching Philosophy for me, short of my actually sitting down to write it out.

The main two pillars are Community and Connections.

I believe so strongly in forging a tight knit community. One of the major vehicles in doing so is volunteering, something I am also very passionate about. I just googled “volunteerism” and found this wonderful sentence:

Volunteering is the most fundamental act of citizenship and philanthropy in our society. -Volunteer Canada

That’s so beautifully said. One may not give impressive checks to an organization, but their time is just as, if not more, valuable. Spending time for a cause is a wonderful act of citizenship!

While Community is a word I use to illustrate what I value, Connections is a word I use to illustrate my primary goal as a teacher. If I foster a connection between students, between myself and a student, or between students and course content, I should feel like I’ve done well. This is how I aim to honour what I value in the classroom, as I envision a community as a beautiful web of connections.

Wow…thanks, blog, for facilitating a really easy Teaching Philosophy drafting session.

Hey…so…

I’m suffering from an intense overload of grad student-ly emotions: stress, relief, shame, motivation, confidence, vulnerability, bitchin’-ness.

That’s right: I just Skyped with my supervisor. And now I’m losing my mind.

Well, that’s not quite accurate, though I am feeling post-conversation nervousness. And to compliment the cocktail of emotions listed above, lets add overwhelmed and avoidance-y, considering I have made my next move a blog post whilst I turn on “Say Yes to the Dress”. Seriously people, I need to unwind for 30 minutes.

To begin explaining/working through the emoti-cocktail, let me just say that I may have unique feelings about my supervisor: I feel that I have won the supervisor lottery. She’s been very supportive throughout various roadblocks I’ve encountered, can usually motivate me, and give me confidence. On top of that, I just love her! I actually consider her a friend, or as “friend”-ly as we can be given our professional relationship.

Despite my adoration for this woman, I can be rather terrified of her at times. After all, she is my supervisor and as dictated by the universal laws of graduate study, I feel totally inadequate on average. Today we had a skype date for the first time of the new year. It had been a while, and I felt like I had to say something impressive.

What occurred was a gentle tread into what I really wanted to talk about: graduation! [Please read the g-word as if it is sung by angels whilst heavenly light breaks through the Vancouver clouds]. Weee! I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, though the light is about the size of a pinprick. I have definitely enjoyed my time here and am grateful for all the challenges and opportunities it has brought me, but I am ready to finish this up and ask “what’s next?”.

Well, we did indeed tread into this topic and I was slightly disappointed by what I heard…a graduation date was suggested that was a few critical months beyond the time I dream of it happening. And because I think my meetings with her must [presumably] resemble confession, I brought it up. I not only brought it up, but I laid out my best laid plans, what I hope my next step to be.

Here’s what I heard in return: “………Rebecca, I KNEW you were going to do that. I KNEW it!” and then she proceeded to say lovely things which boosted my confidence and kiboshed the disappointment I felt just moments before. So apparently she is either the equivalent of my high school girlfriends that can predict my every move, or my aptitudes and interests indiscreetly scream at those who know me. I’ll take either.

Okay, I’m feeling better now. I needed to process the chain of events during this meeting, and this blog is such an excellent tool for doing so. Moreover, Say Yes to the Dress just ended and now it’s time to tackle my day on campus.

Thanks for reading a pretty candid look into my emoti-cocktailed MSc. journey.

The ISW Handbook for Participants (2006) describes 4 major qualities of effective teachers, one of which is:

Content expertise – having knowledge of the subject area, clear goals and objectives, effective selection and organization of course content, enthusiasm about the course.

I jumped for joy at this statement because the summarized title does not match the description of attributes whatsoever. “Having knowledge” of content does not deem one an expert – or does it? Because that’s much less intimidating to novicey ol’ me. The rest of the description has to do with “pedagogical logistics” (like it? I just made it up): effective use of learning objectives, curriculum design, and enthusiasm. Skills that have to do with the process of using content, not the content itself.

What’s neat is that the text says “over the years, many learners have been asked for their perceptions about the qualities of effective teachers they remember”. So I wonder: did the learners come up with broad qualities (i.e. “content expertise”) and the pedagogy specialists broke it down into attributes? Is that why there’s such a disparity?

I love this disparity! What great insight into how a “content expert” in one’s eyes is really just an individual with a great pedagogical toolkit in another’s.

Earlier today I returned from a weekend-long retreat on Bowen Island, more specifically the Instructional Skills Workshop (ISW) Fall Institute. At this institute, we focus on celebrating and developing our skills as facilitators of ISWs.

My attitude during this retreat was interesting, consuming. Whenever I attend workshops for facilitators, I can get a little hypersensitive. I’m a “beginner” at facilitating (and feel like a novice among all the facilitators I sit with at the ISW Fall Institute) and worry about all sorts of stuff. I worry that my comments are too “novicey”, too uneducated in terms of teaching and learning (which I actually don’t feel too bad about since this is not my current academic endeavour), or somehow too offensive or rude, which I never intend (I just overanalyze everything that comes out of my mouth afterwards). My confidence level is shot after one unintended flub. It can be fairly draining.

Despite my harsh self-criticizing, I actually enjoy going to the Institute. I went last year and had a trying time, but overall I would say that the time is so valuable. Just because I feel self-consious doesn’t mean I don’t learn, gain new ideas, or engage with the themes we discuss and try on. Now, I’ll share a point form list of tidbits I have walked away with this year, though I won’t flush them out tonight. I am mentally drained, and have a lab meeting presentation to prepare.

-I came across this wonderful quote, “until further notice, celebrate everything!” (Unknown). I try to maintain a joyful state in life – which I can’t deny is challenging at times – and so I resonate with this quote as it sums up my most positive state perfectly.

-I connected with some old, and new friends. I was able to reconnect with some people I haven’t seen since last year’s Institute, and got to know the new participants. In some cases I didn’t interact much with some of last year’s participants (the size of last year’s group was more than double this year’s), and so I was able to build my relationship with them this time around, which was great. I had some very special moments with some of the participants; some seemed to read my (most sensitive) mind and help me work through challenges, and I connected in teaching philosophies and ideas with others.

-Does expert vs. novice mean the same thing as teacher vs. student? In general, I think many students (and teachers) would say yes. I discovered through reflection this weekend, with the help of some very excellent facilitators, that one of my major pedagogical goals is to correct this, as I disagree with that view. It was a very wonderful realization, and not only that, but I received some ideas and guidance from these excellent facilitators!

-I challenged ideas. Sometimes I felt like the only person speaking to one perspective (well…at least one time that I remember specifically). In another moment, I was actually offended by the task at hand. It ended up being a very wonderful moment, as I was able to work through my upset with someone I admire, and she seemed to read my mind. She honed in on things that I hadn’t even realized about myself.

-I gained a number of little tips and tricks I plan to apply to my own practice. I also gained a list of ideas to consider in teaching/learning/facilitating. I wish to build a teaching portfolio in the next few months, so it was great to get the wheels turning on some issues.

Alright…time to science.

Now that I’ve established what I’ve got going on (to put it most “loosely”), maybe my blog tagline makes more sense now. Basically, I will write about frustrations and successes I have as I continue/finish my thesis. I will post reflections about my teaching experiences, about working on my thesis in general, and likely about juggling thesis work and my extracurriculars.

I intend this to be a nice reflective tool for me; I hope having the blog will encourage me to reflect often and I may gain understandings about myself from posting often. For the readers…hopefully my life, probably better known as “my juggling act”, is interesting. Perhaps some of you other UBC bloggers have very similar experiences! I invite anyone who stumbles upon this blog to leave a comment.