{"id":140,"date":"2011-07-02T11:07:31","date_gmt":"2011-07-02T19:07:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/?p=140"},"modified":"2011-07-02T12:10:01","modified_gmt":"2011-07-02T20:10:01","slug":"goodbye-june","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/2011\/07\/02\/goodbye-june\/","title":{"rendered":"Goodbye June"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi all,<\/p>\n

Damn, I suck a blogging. Currently, I\u2019m sitting in an internet-less caf\u00e9 (How Dare It) and am typing this up in Word because the tingling I-should-blog<\/em> feeling I\u2019ve had for the past 3 days has finally turned into a full-blown mood, and a blogging mood should not be wasted. [note: posted 2 hrs later]<\/p>\n

There have been so many times in the past 2 months that I\u2019ve wanted to write a blog but it\u2019s either a bad idea (I\u2019m angry) or I have emotions that I don\u2019t know how to describe in any way that isn\u2019t completely emo, and there are enough youtube and tumblr accounts for that as it is. And so I have stayed away, even though I have had the best of intentions, and loved you very much just the same, blog!<\/p>\n

So as I may or may not have made clear in the previous paragraph, the past couple of months have been quite \u2026 rollercoaster-y.<\/p>\n

I have been VERY emotional. Some days I feel like I\u2019m 4 feet away from the summit of completing this degree. Other days I feel like I\u2019m at the bottom of a mountain I\u2019m not equipped to climb.<\/a> Other days I shift between these two feelings minute-by-minute. It is fucking exhausting.<\/p>\n

My poor dear boyfriend has dealt with a lot of crying outbreaks \u2013 for example: I\u2019m*sob* sorry*sob* I\u2019m*sob* crying*sob* again*sob* but*sob* that*sob* commercial*sob* made*sob* me*sob* so*sob* sad*sob* – WHAT IF WE DIE TOMORROW*sooooooobbbb* <\/em>
\n<\/em>\u2026you know, the completely irrational. He just went to visit home for his 2-month summer break (he\u2019s a highschool teacher) and while I miss him, I feel like it\u2019s probably better for his sanity and for my productivity. We\u2019ve also done a 2-year long distance stint so we\u2019ll pwn this short break anyway.
\nUnfortunately, I\u2019ve started to put a lot of pressure on myself to *be normal again* after I finish my degree, so that the poor dude doesn\u2019t have to deal with this emotional overdrive forever. This pressure is already stressing me out. Do I even know what my normalcy is? Does HE? We started dating only 5 months before I started this degree…it could be my defining feature. Screw.<\/p>\n

So I cry and I work and I avoid work. Those are essentially my 3 states. I get lots of sleep, but not too much, I go through moods of eating really well and eating really unwell, I don\u2019t work out much anymore but it\u2019s because I feel like there is no time, not because I don\u2019t want to exactly. I\u2019ve been finding working off-campus to be most useful, I\u2019ve made my morning home in a new (to me) coffee shop, and for 2 days I had a glorious time working in a library that is a 1-hour drive from Vancouver when I accompanied boyfriend to his town-of-work. I also almost-always have some sort of hobby on the go for sanity: in the past 2 months it\u2019s basically been either knitting at night or subbing on a friend\u2019s softball team. Sometimes I forgo the hobbies and work like a boss all day. Hobbying is admittedly more common when dinnertime rolls around.<\/p>\n

This past month I had some interesting interactions with my supervisor. She\u2019s given me lots of help with anything and everything I ask, but the tone of her emails is reminiscent of the one I \u201cparaphrased\u201d months ago<\/a>. It doesn\u2019t help, but I\u2019ve been rather guns-a-blazing with her a bit recently so we\u2019ll call it even.
\nOn the flipside, despite enduring my blaze, she has graciously expressed willingness to work with me in the (near) future, post-degree. Whether or not she\u2019s just being professional I can only wonder, but I appreciate her supporting my future endeavours either way.<\/p>\n

So I guess that\u2019s it for now. Over time, I have been given a couple very lovely complements that this blog is great at documenting \u201cwhat being a grad student is like\u201d and I even had a good friend say \u201cI wish new grad students would read this\u201d. While that is probably a little too generous a compliment, it did prompt me to try and take on the goal of really documenting what the hell this ride is like. Unfortunately the \u201cmood\u201d I\u2019ve been in for the past 2 months has been poorly documented as it is usually comes hand-in-hand with lethargy.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll try to do better, although I resolve to never blog angry. And I hope that sometime soon I might have good news to share\u2026.<\/p>\n

-Rebecca<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi all, Damn, I suck a blogging. Currently, I\u2019m sitting in an internet-less caf\u00e9 (How Dare It) and am typing this up in Word because the tingling I-should-blog feeling I\u2019ve had for the past 3 days has finally turned into a full-blown mood, and a blogging mood should not be wasted. [note: posted 2 hrs […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4305,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[124523],"tags":[720,124533,1806,37],"class_list":["post-140","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sciencing","tag-analysis","tag-attitude","tag-goals","tag-ubc"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4305"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=140"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":153,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140\/revisions\/153"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=140"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=140"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/rebeccataylor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=140"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}