Social Media’s Impact on Romantic Relationships
by reblog
Today is Valentine’s Day, and it seems like a particularly fitting day to discuss social media and the changing dynamics of modern romantic relationships. Specifically, I’d like to discuss the Facebook relationship status change (or, making it “Facebook Official,” if you’d prefer). Whether you think a change in relationship status is a positive and healthy indication of commitment, or whether you think it’s a load of sentimental…something…you have a point. I haven’t quite made up my mind on this one yet, as there are interesting points to be made for each side. Evidently, the evolution of technology and its predicted effect on relationships is no new talking point.
Gretchen Kelmer, a couples therapist and researcher at the University of Denver makes a compelling argument for the value of the modern declaration of commitment and affection, AKA the Facebook relationship status. She writes, “One of its [Facebook’s] most important functions in the modern dating landscape is to provide the opportunity for a bit of clarity and structure in a process that is increasingly ambiguous” (Kelmer). And, I have to say, this is a very fair point. She points out that the days of swapping varsity jackets and class rings to publicly state “We’re here, we’re together, and we’re proud of it” are no more. In the absence of such traditions, the definitive declaration of a public relationship status does have value for couples.
However (very big however), there are also those couples (you know the ones) who use the relationship status change to passive-aggressively indicate discord in the relationship. For example, one member of the couple changing the status to “it’s complicated” every time they’re in a fight. And I do not appreciate being forcibly complicit to their romantic troubles, whether I asked for the update or not.
So, I am sill debating. Is the ubiquity of social media, and the specifics that go along with it (like the Facebook relationship status change), good or bad for romantic relationships? In this instance, I am inclined to say that if you are in a happy and stable relationship, go ahead and broadcast it. Power to you! But if you have ever defriended and refriended your significant other (especially in the same day), you probably shouldn’t waste your time making it “Facebook Official.”
References:
Kelmer, Gretchen. “Should We Make it Facebook Official?” The New York Times. Web. 14 February 2013.
West, Lindy. “How Technology is Changing Romance: A Reverse Chronological History of Hand-Wringing.” Jezebel. Gawker Media. Web. 12 February 2013.
One of the things I have found strange about relationships and social media is couples that talk to each other through it. Especially if they live together! Then again, emailing colleagues at work who sit ten feet away from us has become common place as well.
I usually have a similar reaction to you (and frequently get annoyed with the couples shouting sweet nothings at each other via the Facebook walls…I didn’t ask to see this, people).
But then I started thinking…my boyfriend is working in Calgary right now. Currently, we write letters via snail mail, text, talk on the phone, talk on skype, write on each other’s walls and e-mail…is this necessary? Of course not, but maybe it’s the same type of situation as e-mailing colleagues ten feet away from you. Maybe each stream of communication just fulfils a very slightly different purpose, so you naturally gravitate to whatever makes sense to you at that particular moment.
All of my social media practices are now work-related. I rarely post anything in any forum that is personal in nature (especially about the issues you discuss here).
I am amazed of the private things you can read on FB, and especially of how much people want to share with all of their FB friends and acquaintances. Let me tell you the weirdest thing I’ve seen a couple write to each other there: A woman wrote in her wall: “Where are you my love, my dearest, I miss you terribly”, and only two seconds later her husband answered: “Here I am my darling”. I’m guessing she was in the living room while he was in the kitchen?
I agree, Eva, some people just don’t seem to have a conception of appropriate/inappropriate public interactions!
It’s funny to read this (I happen to agree with you), as I had a conversation a couple of years ago with a coworker about Facebook’s relationship status tool. She was annoyed that there was no way to indicate that you weren’t totally single, but weren’t actually in a relationship (at the time she was dating a guy, but it was pretty casual). I guess that’s why there’s the option to not include it at alll…..!
On Facebook, I’m friends with my friends (stating the obvious!) but not with their spouses as much, so I don’t tend to see the awkward “I wuv u” posts, which I think can potentially be annoying as being dragged into their passive-aggressive fights.
Agreed. I definitely do not want to see “I wuv you” any more than those vague “I’m done with this” kind of status updates every time a couple goes through a rough patch. Unless we are close friends (in which case we will actually talk about your relationship woes), it is just none of my business.