After you’ve been many days out to sea, of all of the cities or towns you could go, which is the one that you would call your home? It’s Halifax – with her harbour so grand. Halifax with her mighty sea strands. You can take all the rest from the Thames to the Tyne; it’s Halifax, fair city of mine.
David Stone, ‘It’s Halifax’
A breeze blows off the water, bringing with it the briny smell of the Atlantic. Though cold, it fills me with a warmth I cannot find anywhere else. Watching the moon guide the waves – pull and push. Pull. Push. Pull. Pull.
This is what calls to me when I think of home. The ocean, strong and powerful. The ocean, steadfast in the evening summer breeze. The ocean, raging against the rocks in the wicked winter storms.
This is what continually pulls me back. Back to where the people who love me most are waiting. Back to who I am.
It has been a long time since I have been here, since I have felt whole.
I was born in Halifax, Nova Scotia in 1994 into a family of Foreign Protestants, and a family of American Loyalists. Evidence of my family was everywhere within the town where they settled. Crouse Settlement Road. Sarty Road. John Stewart Road. Crousetown.
There is a understanding within the field of genetics that our ancestors experiences live on within us. Some days I swear I can feel this. My whole being hears the call of the land where my family has lived for over 300 years. This deep longing for something I can’t seem to find anywhere other than Nova Scotia. Sometimes, the fit of my current life just doesn’t feel quite right.
When I was young, I adamantly believed that home was where the heart is.
But my heart is scattered across the country. So if this is still my truth, what, and where, is home?
I grew up with the sea, with the wind and the sand. With the smell of lupins and lilacs and the Halifax Harbour. I lost my heart to the sea bound coast.
I left Nova Scotia when I was 18 and moved to the Eastern Townships of Quebec. For four years I lived in Sherbrooke, attending Bishop’s University. That was home. I lost my heart in the rustic farmlands, the meandering rivers, and the beautiful brick buildings.
I then moved west once again to British Columbia. I have lived here now for five years. This has been home. I lost my heart to the mountains.
So I have to ask myself, what is home?
Perhaps home is not singular, but plural. Perhaps it is not something tangible. Perhaps it is a memory.
When I think of home, I think of the little red schoolhouse down the road from the garage my great grandfather built.
When I think of home, I think of my friends, who were my constants. Who are my family.
When I think of home, I think of the sea, the oceans of my childhood. Of the feeling of the familiar, the comfortable.
I haven’t be back to the east coast in two years, and I feel it. It is a growing ache – some days more than others, but always there just under the surface. A call of the ocean pulling me back to my Nova Scotia home. Others I have talked to from Nova Scotia feel the same.
When I completed my education practicum, I was partnered with a teacher who grew up in Pictou, Nova Scotia. My first day in the class, before being introduced to the woman who would guide me through secondary teaching, she rushed up to me and exclaimed: “you’re wearing a tartan scarf!!”
I was. I had recently purchased a NS tartan scarf, for courage. For strength. It brought comfort.
We had an amazing year.
We talked about the ache, the longing. We talked about how going back felt like a re-charge.
Perhaps home is a state of being.
When I think of home, I think of the stories passed down through the generations. There is a connection not only through my DNA, but the words I hear, the words I share.
Perhaps home is a promise.
When I think of home, I think of the life I am building. My future. I think of all that I carry with me, all that I will pass on.
Works Cited
Barnacle. “Let’s Go By Barnacle Nova Scotia Song.” YouTube, uploaded by
DanMusicTunes, 16 March 2013, www.youtube.com/watch?v=
Classified. “The Maritimes”. YouTube, uploaded by classifiedmusic, 6
November 2014, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBhjF6VdoP4.
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David Stone. “It’s Halifax”. Sounds Like A Nova Scotia Celebration: Music
From Nova Scotia – The Home Of Alexander Keith’s India Pale Ale,
2002. CD.
“Lunenburg by the Sea.” Nova Scotia Archives, 17 July 2003, archives.
novascotia.ca/
2021.
Susan Egan. “Susan Egan – ‘Home’ Beauty and the Beast Press Reel –
1994″. YouTube, uploaded by Susan Egan Online, 7 October 2017,
www.youtube.com/watch?t=78&v=
Accessed 4 February 2021.
The Irish Rovers. “The Irish Rovers – Farewell To Nova Scotia.” YouTube,
uploaded by austrianceltic, 15 May 2008, www.youtube.com/watch?
v=0v3MAaQLSSI. Accessed 10 February 2021
Wiest, Brianna. “Your Family’s Behavioral Patterns Are in Your DNA –
Human Parts.” Medium, 15 November 2019, humanparts.medium.
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