Personal Poetry. Allowing my voice to take over.

Normally, I write a lot. I handwrite my comments and feedback to my students daily as well as take notes, writing them on a beautiful array of Post-its in all shapes and sizes. However, due to this pandemic, I haven’t been writing much at all. My laptop has become my preferred mode of writing, which I hadn’t really thought about until now. I found this task to be quite challenging in some aspects, such as writing stamina. I had to take a break often to stretch out my fingers and hands and actually had a small indent where my pen rested once I was done. The actual writing of words though was something that came easy to me. Poetry is a love of mine and has been something I’ve practiced for many years. 

I actually only made one mistake, in which I opted for my whiteout tape, then pressed too hard when rewriting, so it looks a bit off. To be completely honest, I went slow. Very slow. The 507 words I wrote took me almost 2 hours to complete. I wanted to choose my words wisely and thought about them a lot before I put them down on paper. I think if I had been using a pencil it would have been slightly different in that I may have gone faster, but I’m not quite sure. As a teacher, when I write on the whiteboard or provide feedback to my students I have to make sure that what I’m writing is not only legible, but the words I choose are done carefully so that the point I’m trying to make is clear. I think I tend to do this when I write personally as well. 

I think that the most significant difference between writing by hand and using mechanized forms of writing is there is a certain aspect of ownership over pen to paper that you may not feel when it’s computerized. That feeling of receiving a handwritten note or letter is much different than an email and I think the same feeling applies here. I believe it’s speedier to not write by hand, and there can be fewer grammatical errors, but there’s just something about a pen in my hand that feels right. For me, it would depend on the situation for which mode I would prefer. For example, I’m not writing a 20-page paper by hand!

***I also wanted to share my poem in a video format because I truly believe that the impact of what I was writing needed a verbal outlet.

Personal Poetry Video

Unscripted, unedited. Using the transcription site Speechnotes

5 minute story; When I knew my Dad was a Superhero

When I was younger my dad and I used to go to all the different parks in North Vancouver and West Vancouver and explore the outdoors together. We always had the best time being outside together, walking along the beach, exploring the trails, or finding the best wading pools. One day, lebanon, we went to one of our favourite spots, house Park. We decided to go down one of The Ravines which was quite Steep and had a number of stairs leading down to the rocky Shore. My dad was up near the rocks and I started to head towards seawater common baby myself I always loved the water. I noticed that there was this big tree log that was wedged up against the side of the ravine. As a side note, I was also an avid rock climber the stage so when I see rocks and the rock face my first instinct is to start to climb it. So as I am going towards this rock face near this massive log that is wedged up against and I start climbing. I get about three or four feet off the ground and my feet slip out from underneath me and I put my hand down on the log to support me as I fall. Well, not only did the log not support me but I fell right into the water landed in between two rocks. And that massive tree log fell right on top of my leg. All I remember is screaming at the top of my lungs and breathing really really fast, in and out in and out. And I remember my dad running into the water as it seemed that the tide was coming in and the water was no longer at my legs but up near my stomach. I remember my dad telling me to breathe, me that everything is going to be okay, as this giant tree log has wedged me in between these two rocks. I don’t remember being in any pain, it was more like shocked and I’m sure that it hurts since the log was as I’ve said massive. My dad, hero., did delay the log off of my leg and was able to pick me up and carry me out of the water. Put me on his back and begin to scream for help as he walked the long walkway back along the Rocks towards the stairs we both kept screaming for help but nobody was coming it seems like if we were all alone and so my dad climb where is up to the very top until we got to the grass area. When we got to the grass area we noticed there was a group of people up there and wondered why they hadn’t come to help us. Said that they thought it was just some kids fooling around and spell awful. Call 911 and I remember being in the ambulance though I don’t remember the ambulance coming. I remember being in the hospital and it turns out that I fractured my tibia and my fibia and had to wear a cast for 2 months followed by a fiberglass cast for another two months. Even worse, had happened in June so I was in a cast for the end of the school year and all of the summer which was not fun at all being a kid. The thing I remember the most though is that the firefighters came back to the hospital to see if I was okay and let us know that it took eight of them to lift the log out of the water. I’m pretty sure that was the moment and the day that I realized my dad truly was a superhero.

Reflection

One of the first things that I noticed about the text was how certain conventions were lost in translation, or in this case, transcription. Throughout the story, many common nouns were capitalized to create proper nouns and certain words were broken down into how they would be pronounced, rather than how they should be spelled. Furthermore, having to verbally express punctuation made the text appear awkward in some parts, and completely unreadable in others.

Within the first few sentences, instead of typing out “When I was eleven,” it recorded “lebanon.” This is interesting for two reasons; 1. I must have been talking very fast for it to produce this word instead of the original phrase, and 2. The recorder had known that North and West Vancouver would be capitalized but didn’t do it for the country of Lebanon. So either it didn’t actually think Lebanon was a country or it was just as confused as I was. The text also missed or misinterpreted a lot of words that I said making the sentences grammatically incorrect in a number of places. For example, I was saying, “towards the water,” and it noted, “towards seawater.” This makes me realize that when we speak, our oral explanation has certain nuances that we tend to blend together or say incorrectly. If I was typing, I would have clearly typed out that phrase correctly. However, when I speak the phrase, I actually tend to blend the last “s” of towards, with the word “the.” It’s interesting that the recording picks up on that and literally translates it verbatim. I’ve added a recording of my voice saying the line, and although it’s not extremely clear, I can hear how the recorder could have translated that into “towards seawater.” Can you hear it too?

Thinking about the wrongs and rights in the text, the one I focus on the most is actually the way the text reads. Due to missing words and poor conventions of writing, it might seem to an onlooker that my understanding of the various parts of speech, at least in some parts, is lacking. The text is missing articles, prepositions, linking verbs etc, and I think that I consider these mistakes because I’ve been taught that they are important to proper written output. That a grammatically correct sentence is important, and the fact that certain words are missing or “wrong” make parts of this story a mistake.

When we talk about writing in school, I always have my students map out their ideas before tackling the larger writing piece. In a sense, they are scripting their writing in order to suit the audience – in this case, me, the teacher. They have the opportunity to make drafts, edit, revise, edit again, and they hand in their final “good” copy. I think if they were to tell me a story in this format, it would be quite different than if they were asked to write it. They wouldn’t be thinking about proper spelling, punctuation, and all the other conventions, but rather on the story itself from their point of view. So if I had scripted this story, about the day I realized my Dad was a Superhero, I would have had a rough outline of what I wanted to say, included vivid verbs and adjectives, added in humour where I could, and definitely would have made sure there was proper punctuation and no sentence started with the word, “and.” I think it would have made a difference in how it was understood. There are parts that don’t make sense and clarity is a big bonus to hand to paper or finger to keyboard writing.

Oral storytelling. Gnanadesikan, on the first page of the first chapter, The First IT Revolution, says, “This sentence is a time machine.” She goes on to ask us to imagine a world where there is, “no writing…no books…no scriptures, no diaries…” and allows us to question how text has impacted the way we think and the way we write. Now I have a question for you:

Imagine a world with no voice.

No oral stories, no language, no history to be told about “the good old days,” or “back when I was your age.” Imagine a world where no thoughts were spoken out loud, no life-changing phrases like “I have a dream.” Where would we be as a society? What would we know? What would we think?

I believe that oral storytelling gives us the opportunity to add power to our words with things like body language, tonality, and raw emotion. With the written word we are left to our own imaginations to create these feelings, but unless we have seen them or heard them, that task can sometimes be challenging. I believe that written storytelling is powerful also, but we tend to judge the written word based on what we know of common conventions and as such tend to focus on that when we write. It’s more structured, planned out, decided. Oral storytelling is our mode of transportation for our time machine and those who cannot write, or have a limited understanding of the written word, use their oral language to share their stories across generations. Some of these stories get written down, but I don’t think that it can ever be the same as when they are spoken.

In watching Lera Borditsky’s video on How the Languages We Speak Shape the Way We Think, I was pleasantly surprised at how little I knew about this concept. This is not something that I have ever thought of before, the idea that language is anything more than what we speak is new to me and I was very interested in learning more. The first watch of the video was eye-opening, albeit long and seemed to take forever. I had to watch it in intervals as my children seemed to think that singing songs at the top of their lungs during Mommy’s “screen time” was more important. Though after careful consideration, and finishing the video, it seems that now think of singing as their way of communicating with me through the language of song, I, and youtube have taught them. Interesting.

After exploring the other videos of Anderson and de Luca I was reminded how our experiences and the language involved in them can shape the way we speak. I played soccer for my University throughout my first degree and now, 10 years or so later I still use the language of the game when I’m in my classroom. I refer to my students and class as our team, when dividing students up I’ll use the term wing, either right or left and so on and so on. These are aspects of my language I didn’t realize I was using until watching these videos. The way I think about organizing my team of students in that sense was shaped through my soccer language.

The second time watching Borditsky’s video was more eye-opening however. It’s like when you watch a movie or read a book the second or third time around. You pick up on things that didn’t seem to be there before. It allows you to be more in tune with what is being said or shown to you. I realized that she is not saying that language wholly determines our thoughts or experiences, but that it shapes our thought, it colours it, influences it, and organizes it. I read that when you take away a person’s sense of language altogether, that person’s structure of thought will be very different. Imagine never learning a language. How would that affect you? It’s different if you lose sight, or hearing, or even physical ability because you can still communicate with voice and language. You can express what something feels like or may look like. But to lose the one thing that can truly connect us with ourselves and one another would be an awful feeling.

I also was moved to think about how our professions shape the way we think and the way we behave. If you walked into a bar near Wall Street in NYC, chances are the people in there may all be speaking the same language, but are definitely thinking different than you or I as Educational Professionals. Furthermore, how they behave, in my opinion is a direct reflection of the language they use in their profession. You’re not going to see a Wall Street trader reciting news from the tabloids, which is possibly something you would see in a coffee shop up in SOHO.

“If different languages influence our minds in different ways, this is not because of what our language allows us to think but rather because of what it habitually obliges us to think about.”

Guy Deutscher, linguist and author of Through the Language Glass and The Unfolding of Language.

As the video began to come to end I truly began to understand that language is not something we are just taught. It is something that is passed down from generation to generation and along with it is the culture, experiences, texts, sounds, and symbols. Language is ever-evolving, ever-changing, and adapting and we, as the ones who carry language, are responsible for its continuance.

As I teach my own children about language, my thoughts have changed to ensure that I am providing them with the opportunity to learn how language shapes our thoughts and to nourish that as they grow older and gain their own understandings.

Borditsky, L. (May 2017) Does language really shape the way we think, SAR lecture.

My bag probably looks quite different than most, but I think that’s the beauty of this task. It allows us to get a glimpse into the deeper etchings of each other’s daily lives. For some, it might be a bag you use every day and for others, it could be a specific bag for a specific task or experience.  I have three bags that I use on a rotating basis; My teacher bag, my hiking bag, and what I like to deem, “My Mom bag.”

Usually, at this point in time, I would be carrying my Teacher bag around with me which would have many different items then this bag shows. However, since the world basically turned upside-down, this full-time teacher is now a full-time teacher working from home with two boys, ages 3 & 4. This means that my Mom bag has moved into position #1 and as you can see, is packed with essentials I need on a day to day basis for adventures with two boys.

Well, first things first. There is no picture of my phone or wallet in my bag though I have these two items with me whenever I leave the house. The phone is taking the picture, so there’s that, and then my wallet, well, they’ve hidden it. I’m sure I’ll find it later…

You might notice that I actually have 2 bags within my Mom bag. I like to keep things organized and don’t enjoy leaks in my bag AT ALL! I used to always find that any type of liquid or cream would somehow open up and get all over the other items in my bag. So I purchased a few dry bags to keep my bigger bag nice and dry.

So what is in my bag? Here’s a breakdown:

1. Black pen
2. Red memo pad
3. Excel mint gum
4. Pink hair elastic
5. Green reusable bag
6. Veggie sticks x2
7. Fruit gummies x2
8.  Granola bars x2
9. Small Dry Bag
10. Large Dry Bag

In my small dry bag, I have:

1. Assorted superhero band-aids
2. Kids polysporin
3. Alcohol cleansing wipes
4. Sterile gauze pads

In my large dry bag, I have:

1. Kids sunscreen
2. Kids face sunscreen
3. Mom’s face sunscreen
4. Tampons x2
5. K’Pure Naturals Keep Going spray
6. Hand sanitizer

So why these items? Well, with two young boys running around, it’s crucial that I have some first aid supplies on hand for all the cuts, scrapes & owies that WILL occur. This is not something that is a “just in case” scenario. This is an “all the time,” “100% guaranteed” situation. On top of that, it’s imperative that I have snacks available at the bequest of my two boys. All the snacks, all the time. I’m basically a walking pantry. So veggie sticks, gummies, and granola bars get replenished daily in my bag.

On top of being a nurse and a cook for my kids, I’m also a doctor and prescribe sunscreen for them even if it’s cloudy. We’re into the spring/summer weather now so I always carry sunscreen both for body and face. I also carry my own sunscreen around because I can’t help them if I can’t even help myself!

Now under normal circumstances, you might be thinking, “Oh great. She keeps a reusable bag around so she doesn’t use plastic when shopping.” Nope. Not the case. I keep that bag around for my kids’ clothes because they’re bound to get dirty. Boys are dirty. It’s a fact. Now you might be wondering why there isn’t a change of clothes in my bag for them. Well, that’s because I refuse to do more laundry than I need to. I don’t need my car seats getting dirty too!

The other items I have in there are pretty simple. A pen and note pad in case I need to write something down. I know that I have a note app on my phone, but I like the pen to paper feeling. Also, the hair elastic. Self-explanatory for us ladies with long hair. I have to have one available at all times! Lastly, the mint gum which we always seem to have laying around. My mother-in-law buys the bulk gum from Costco so I throw a pack in every drawer, glove compartment, bag, etc that we own.

“The single theme that runs through all these words and their meanings is that of creation.” – Scholes

When I think about how my items might be considered “texts,” I think about how the word Text is defined in early Greek Beginnings. Scholes finds that common theme of creation, and I couldn’t help but relate to text in that nature as I’ve experience creation twice now as it is defined by these Greek origins. I think that my items divulge the obvious about me; I am a Mother. I enjoy adventure and being outside and am not afraid of a little dirt – because I am prepared and organized. I choose items that are healthy and safe for my children, free of chemicals and locally purchased when I can help it.

Thinking about the text technologies in my bag I think that the memo and pen really say something about how I communicate with myself. I’ve always been someone who likes to write things down so I take notes, doodle, and even use fancy pens. I like bold words that stand out to me and I’m a very visual and tactile person. I look at the sunscreen in my bag and I see the would THINK – thus I think about what I’m putting onto my children’s skin. I see the body spray that says KEEP GOING and I begin to feel a need for more energy. These texts, these words, speak to me in that sense.

When I look at the image that I outwardly project I think about the photos that I post on my social media accounts. I try to be as real as I can, posting videos about my daily life. Some include just me, but most include my adventures with my kids. You would know within seconds that I’m a mother and I think the narrative of the contents of my bag compared to the narrative of my image is pretty spot on.

However, 15 or 25 years ago this bag would not look anything like it does today. Chances are it would be my University Soccer duffle with stinky socks, cleats, and shinguards along with a change of clothes, shower items, A535, hockey tape for my ankles and Gatorade. The only thing that remains the same though would be my notebook, except this one would have reflections of each game and practice. That’s so interesting for me because I just remembered that as I’m typing this right now. I wonder what happened to that notebook? I think it’s time I start looking…