The setting is a post-industrial castle that defends the border of an unnamed kingdom. It is terrorized by a demon named Grendel, who kills the castle’s defenders, one by one. After fighting his way past several soldiers trying to keep anyone from entering or leaving, the warrior Beowulf offers his help to the castle’s king, Hrothgar, who welcomes his help.

Hrothgar has a daughter named Kyra, who is loved by Roland, the castle’s strongest soldier, but she does not return his affections. It is revealed that Hrothgar’s wife and Kyra’s mother, committed suicide when she found out Hrothgar had an affair. The woman he had an affair with was actually an ancient being who had originally lived on the castle’s lands. The affair resulted in an offspring, Grendel.

Beowulf and Grendel fight, wounding each other. Later, after recovering, they fight again and this time Beowulf rips Grendel’s arm off with a retracting cestus That night the castle celebrates as they believe Grendel is dead. Kyra declares her love for Beowulf and he returns her affection. Kyra tells him that she killed her previous husband after he abused her. Beowulf tells her that his mother is human and his father is Baal, “God of darkness, Lord of lies”. This explains his tremendous fighting prowess.

While Kyra is with Beowulf, everyone else in the castle is killed by Grendel’s mother. Beowulf attacks and kills Grendel and his mother by stabbing them. He then burns her body, while the flames also consume the castle. Beowulf barely escapes with Kyra. The castle is destroyed, with Beowulf and Kyra the only survivors.

Behold, the influence of canonical literature! What you have just read is the plot synopsis for the 1999 film Beowulf. This unfortunate one and thirty-five minute piece of excrement was, in all likelihood, much of North America’s first and last experience to the “story of Beowulf,” which, in case you hadn’t noticed, resembles the Anglo-Saxon epic in name alone. The movie stars Chris Lambert, star of such movies as Highlander and Mortal Kombat. I am trying to come to terms with what the discovery of this unholy relic says about cultural literacy and the role of canonical literature in the 21st century. I am searching for answers but inevitably arrive at the same disconnect: Why did the creators of this project tie their creation to the name of Beowulf? Surely the audience for a work of this ilk (made for TV, action/mental putrefaction) would find no additional allure in the work’s alleged canonical influence. I am truly vexed. Did financiers of the project believe that Beowulf’s name would draw in a more broad and diverse audience (and their wallets)? Or maybe, just maybe, did the creators of this project believe this film to be a viable part of the story of Beowulf; a genuine interpretation; a work of fan-fiction?

The mind reels.