Pastafarians (members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) dress like pirates to fend off global warming based on the graph found at the following link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:PiratesVsTemp%28en%29.svg
For this exercise, pretend that you have designed an experiment and gathered data resulting in the graph above. (You can be as creative and silly as you’d like in your methods and data analysis). Your task is to write an abstract for your publication on the previous mentioned data and post it here. For guidelines on how to write an abstract, please see:
http://www.ece.cmu.edu/~koopman/essays/abstract.html
Arrgh!
32 replies on “An Abstract in Writing”
The relationship between the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster pirates and Global temperature change is one that has a history that can be traced back for almost two centuries. This relationship is founded on the belief that the more members of their church that dress as pirates the less global temperature change will occur. If this is true it is a simple and cost effective way to prevent any future climate change. However, based on the evidence found in our experiment this relationship does not exist. Our experiment was consisted of having some member comb through Pastafarian records to find how many pirates there were in the years 1820-1980. And for the past twenty years data we have had research scoping and questioning pirates at common docking sites for Pastafarians and major docks all around the country. We ensured that we were on the docks in fall months as that is when many pirates seemed to gather fresh supplies. Our data seemed to hold a trend for about two decades before a large change occurred in number of pirates. Therefore we created a graph for every twenty years. This graph clearly shows that even when numbers of pirates increase or decrease the global temperature continually increases. With this proof we can almost certainly confirm that the number of Flying Spaghetti Monster pirates and global temperature have no solidified relationship.
The release of the latest “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie marked the end of the dry and long-lasting passiveness of modern society in viewing pirates. From the film, it seemed that there was a relationship between global temperatures and the number of pirates. A massive uproar from the directors of the movie, namely the Pastafarians, provided my group of researchers with the difficult case of deciphering what had happened to these sophisticated individuals over the past two centuries. To document realistic data of pirate numbers, a time machine was used to venture two centuries back into the past in an alternate reality that we created to prevent alterations to present society. Starting from 1820, observations were made at every 20-year interval and it was found that the presence of pirates generally led to the decrease in industrial production due to the public fear of these individuals. However, as time progressed, pirates were bluntly exterminated from society as they were seen as nothing but a threat and industrial production rates increased, contributing to the overall increase in global temperatures. From our data, it can be implied that the actions of the Pastafarians are just, and that dressing like pirates to fend off global warming should become a recurring theme in present society.
Abstract from “Effects of POP Originated Cloud Seeding on Atmospheric Albedo and Global Temperature Trends Through HadCM3 Simulation” published in the Journal of Atmospheric Sciences, 68 (10): 2215-2230.
Increased cloud formation has been shown to have a significant effect on atmospheric albedo. Current climate models put a strong emphasis on atmospheric temperature gradients, global temperature patterns and evaporation rates when predicting the location and size of cloud formation, neglecting the effects pirate originated particulates (POPs). Our research group at the Institute of Pastafarian Climate Change (IPCC) has developed an HadCM3 climate model which incorporates cloud seeding by POPs originating from pistol and cannon smoke as well as looting and pillaging related blazes based on historical pirate population data. Analysis of our data showed a clear correlation between a decrease in pirate populations and a reduced atmospheric albedo, resulting in an increase of global temperatures of a minimum of 1.5°C. Our results suggest additional resources should be allocated to increasing pirate populations in order to moderate global temperatures.
The paper here presents a unique and alarming relationship between two seemingly unrelated topics: global climate change and the recent increase in pirate-related incidents off the coast of Somalia. Our research seeks to justify the actions of Somalian pirates in the context of preventing the predictably imminent climate crisis. By examining the historic decline in the population of pirates over an interval of 200 years, using scholarly resources such as restored treasure maps, oral accounts of lost pirate booty, Johnny Depp film repertoires and personal communications with various species of foul-mouthed parrots, our team at the Institute for Pastafarian Exploration has found that the gradual increase in global temperatures is inversely proportional to the number of nautical criminals on the high seas of today. In light of our research, funded in part by the government of Somalia, we have postulated that the primary motivation behind the recent increase in Somalian pirate attacks is restoration of global climate and preservation of aquatic ecology. The statistically-viable conclusions drawn in this publication contrast directly with the prior belief that these proactive, sea-faring eco-activists were pirating purely for personal financial gain and shed new light on the value of aquatic terrorism.
With the steady decrease of pirates, there is a an alarming rate of climate change. The Institute of Pastafarian Ecological Paraphernalia and People (IPEPP) performed a profound and ground breaking experiment that has potentially devastating ramifications: with the increased hangings of pirates, temperature has slowly begun to rise. By taking into account the frequency of specific dates on located treasure maps and comparing it to annual average temperature readings, they were able to predict that such a change was occurring. In order to ratify this, the IPEPP made a motion picture film with a plethora of pirates, bereft of other life forms, making the entire population of that environment pirates. This was set 20000 years ago to see if the timeline was also important, all the while reproducing the environmental conditions of that era. Researchers found that this motion picture contained characteristics of an ice age so therefore, with the increase in pirates, average temperature decreases. Appealing to the future of the earth, the IPEPP suggest that if everyone dressed like pirates, global warming would be irrevocably curtailed.
The global population of pirates has experienced a significant decline over the past 200 years after the Declaration of Common Curtesy was signed in 1809. Recent research by PastafariPeace has begun to garner support that the decrease in piracy has allowed for an increase in more environmentally hazardous cargo ships to travel the seas. This paper seeks to confirm this seemingly unlikely relationship and suggest possible methods of reintroducing pirates back into their environment to fulfil their role as a keystone species. By utilizing a Tartus recovered from the 1947 Roswell crash, researchers travelled back in time to gather research at 20 year intervals to ensure no pirate would recognize any of the researchers. Additional data was collected from other planets where piracy was not rendered extinct other the same 180 year interval. The findings found a direct correlation between the population of pirates and the global temperature. In order to best protect Earth from future climate change, the remaining pirates living in Pastafarian communities should be reintroduced to the seas and allowed to attack merchant ships before it is too late.
With international marine laws increasing, the population of pirates on the ocean have sharply declined as raiding boats have become a rather unprofitable business. It is also observed that as the population of pirates decrease, the global temperature has risen. The Pastafarians have claimed that there is a direct relationship between the two and insist that rather than dressing up as ninjas as a part of our daily routine, a pirate costume would not only raise awareness for global warming, but decrease the global temperature as well. If dressing up as pirates or increasing the population of pirates would decrease average global temperature, it would very cost effective to mass produce pirate costumes and increase the amount of piracy around the world rather than invest most of our resources to carbon footprint reducing technology. From 1820 to 2000, we planted researchers, disguised as physicians, into pirate ships across the globe to examine and record their behavior as well as the number of pirates in each ship. Every twenty years, our researchers would compile their data, determine the population of pirates in the world, list any notable pirate behavior and compare such data to the global temperature. Unfortunately, there is no indication from the journals of our researchers that any pirate behavior would contribute to decreasing the global average temperature. In fact, certain pirate behaviors such as firing cannons and burning ships would increase global temperature instead. Therefore, while the graph depicts a rising average global temperature against decreasing pirate population, the Pastafarian claim is ungrounded and we should all resume our ninja lifestyle and continue to invest our funds in environmentally friendly technology.
The idea that climate change may have negative effects on our planet is not new. Pastafarians, members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monsters has long kept faith that the only way to end climate change is to dress up like pirates. This belief is deeply rooted in Pastafarian ancestry culture for almost 200 years. However, due to recent interest in developments of new ways to battle climate change, for the first time The Church of Flying Spaghetti Monsters has agreed to fund this study which seeks to find evidence which supports their long held beliefs so that the public may be convinced to also convert. Our research involved a team of expert piratologists using an innovative time travel mechanism developed by Dr. Macaroni of the Institute of Timology and who traveled back to as far as 1820 and surveyed and recorded pirates at all known occupied pirate locations across the world. The team kept track of pirate descendents and those who actively pursued a career in pirating as well as average global temperature measurements in 20 year intervals from 1820 to 2000. Our data produced results supporting that as the global climate temperatures increased the number of pirates decreased and that the belief held by Pastafarians in fact has scientific justification. The research indicates that there is a positive correlation between Climate change and number of pirates. Thus Pastafarian Church now seeks to spread the word to the public to dress as pirates and reverse the ill effects of climate change.
After watching the Pirates of the Caribbean, the Pastafarians(members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) were inspired and started to look into the relationship between number of pirates and the rate of global warming. After spending numerous hours in libraries and explored most parts of the world, the Pastafarians presented a graph that depicted the global temperature as a function of the number of pirates in the world. The time interval expands from early 19th century all the way to 2000. As the number of pirates decreases, the global temperature increases. Upon publishing their results, the Pastafarians received an invitation to present their research results at the Copenhagen Climate Change Conference. After the presentation, a research fund was established by the Palinini Climate Change Organization and the Somalian government. The purpose of this fund was to allow the Pastafarians to advertise their “dress like pirates to fend off global warming” function, attract more people to pursue the career of piracy, thus bring down the rate of global warming.
The global warming has been recently arising as one of the most alarming and detrimental phenomena to human society. To prevent further temperature rise, many approaches have been taken from various communities, including Pastafarians who dress as pirates to slow down the global warming. To verify whether Pastafarians’ practice is effective, an experiment was set up. A team of 10 biologists went to the Caribbean islands and collected human corpses and bones in a unit area. The age of found corpses and bones were analyzed with carbon dating, and the total number of pirates within the island during a timeframe was estimated from the data collected from that unit area. The experiment showed an inverse relationship between average global temperature and the number of pirates present, and it supports the claim that dressing up as pirates is effective against combating the global warming.
Many have been suffering from the drastic impacts of Global warming, which include natural disasters such as floods and tsunamis would cause major destruction of buildings, land loss, and water contamination. For more than three centuries, Pastafarians, members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, have been dressing up as pirates and posting “STOP GLOBAL WARMING” signs on their sails in hopes of raising awareness of global warming and decreasing the amount of greenhouse gasses produced. To investigate on the effectiveness of the Pastafarian’s method, a team of seven researchers enter the Hidden Door at the Aegean Sea, which opens its doors at every blue moon, to travel far back to 1820 AD and later years. Once arrived, each researcher used a marauder’s map to record the number of pirates, and a thermometer to record the average temperature. Results suggest that as the number of Pirates decrease, the global average temperature increases due to lack of awareness of global warming and international cooperation. Consequently, the current members of the Church should create more advertisements on the practice the Pastafarian’s method as a popular trend to the general public.
Over the past decades, the carbon footprint of the world has caused global warming to affect many parts of the globe. The members of the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Pastafarians, had an ancient and sacred tradition of dressing up as pirates; however, with the rising number of pirate hangings, there have been a steady decrease of the number of Pastafarians that are still following this tradition. Having realized that there seem to be a puzzling relationship between the population of pirates and the rise of temperature of the globe, the Church quickly contacted the scientists at Global Warming Prevention Association (GWPA). The council at the Church has shared with our scientists at the GWPA the rare collection of the Church, which included ancient manuscripts and records for the past 200 years. Our team of 10 researchers analyzed the data tracing as far back as 1820, and were able to use the records to graph out an inverse relationship between the number of pirates and the global average temperature; with the decrease number of pirates there came an increase in the average temperature. With this, the GWPA will help the Pastafarian Church recover their lost tradition in hopes to prevent the ill effects of global warming.
With the lack of pirates lately, Pastafarians believe that the lack faith has weakened the Gods of the Sea and as a result, the Gods of the Sky became the dominant force in our world and caused Global Warming. While the scientific community at first scoffed at this idea, the Federation of Associated Klimatz and Ecological Research (FAKER) has decided to test this hypothesis. Using a time machine to travel back in time, FAKER went back to 1820 and took control of every government in the world. We then relaxed the laws of piracy and allowed the pirates to roam free, as well as encouraging people to join in. The global temperature and number of pirates was during our reign every 40 years. We enforced the rules more, although the number of pirates increased in 1860 one of the FAKER members inspired the populace by bringing a copy of “Pirates of the Carribean”. In the year 2000, we decided to cut pirate populations completely by firing a freeze ray at the whole ocean. However, some pirates adapted and roughly 10 land pirates, 5 sky pirates, and 2 space pirates emerged and this deficiency in pirates caused temperatures to be higher than ever. The data collected shows a clear correlation between the decrease in pirate activity and the rise in global temperature. To combat global warming, we must all follow the example of the Pastafarians and dress like pirates to appease the Gods of the Sea.
Historically, estimating the population size of pirates (Homo piratus) has been a dangerous and difficult task. Researchers have often succumbed to fatal cannon bomb attacks when counting pirates. The mark and recapture method was also ineffective because pirates would often lose their tagged limbs. Recently, however, satellite imaging has allowed us to make an accurate estimation of the world wide population of pirates with a minimal loss of life. We found that the population of pirates is now critically endangered. The continuous loss of habitat and inbreeding have made the species’ population longer sustainable. Using a piratography model, we found that the decrease in the number of pirates has been causing a rise in global average temperature. This result is alarming; H. piratus population is no longer viable without artificial intervention. If we allow them to go extinct, global average temperature would increase dramatically. However, human intervention posses an ethical issue. It is possible to solve the inbreeding problem by creating gene flow between humans and pirates, but it is unclear what the consequences will be for creating human-pirate hybrids and whether the hybrids would be able to combat climate change.
The purpose of this experiment is to determine the effect the number of pirates have on the global average temperature. It is important to have this information because it will be damaging to many organisms if the global average temperature increases excessively. A thermometer is placed in each station for a total of fifty stations scattered around the world evenly. Every couple of decades, the temperature is measured from each of the locations, and a global average was determined. At the same time, a group of researchers were sent to various parts of the world to count the number of pirates, and making rough estimates for the parts that were expected to have similar pirate population but was not actually counted. By varying the number of pirates and assuming that all other factors are relatively constant, it was found that with more pirates the temperature decreases generally. The only data point that does not support the alternate hypothesis that more pirates means that the temperature decreases as a result was when the pirate population was at approximately 45000. The difference in temperature is only slightly higher than when the population was at approximately 35000. This may be due to an error while collecting the data; still, the data collected should be taken under consideration, but since all other data points fit, there is support for the alternate hypothesis. Therefore, to make sure that the global average temperature does not increase significantly, governments around the world should encourage more people to become pirates by paying pirates extra money for their services.
Historical evidence show that the population of pirates and bandits have been inversely proportional to each other; they both needed to raid towns in order to secure essential suplies. In 1820, a global attack on pirates was launched and persisted until 2000. The sociological and ecological consequence of this extermination have been extensively researched, but the full extent of this is still not completely understood. As an exploration of global ecological impact, this experiment investigated The relationship between global average temperature and number of pirates. Because the extermination of pirates persisted for over a century, this investigation relied on the lighthouse keepers around the world, who have measured the temperature at 3 pm every day since 1820. The data of temperatures were gathered to calculate the global average temperature of each year. The number of piratets were determined by the government’s hitlist, which was updated every 20 years and only recently released by the CIA in 2001. As can be seen in the graph, global average temperature increases as number of pirates decrease. This was most likely due to the fact that as governments focused on the extermination of pirates, the population of bandits increased. Their raids and setting fire to the towns probably caused rise in carbon dioxide concentration in the air, and increased fossil fule usage as people needed to avoid encountering them by travelling via airplanes. On the other hand, pirates do not usually set fire after their raid, so the global average temperature stayed low during the first forty years because pirate population was higher than bandits during that period. Therefore, the Pastafarians’s attempt to fend off global warming is a reasonable one since it could potentially decrease the bandit population.
The metabolic processes of the symbionts, Avatar porkus, which are found in Pastafarians and affect their reproductive abilities, and were discovered to cause environmental protecting behavior in studies by Su, Mo and Hu, are negatively affected by the increasing intake of additives and refined sugars introduced to the spaghetti consumed by pirates over the years. Due to the reputation of Pastafarians being avid tree planters and kelp forest caretakers, the relationship between pirate populations and global temperatures was studied to determine if there is a correlation. Data on pirate populations from the 17th and early 18th centuries were taken from records from pirate spies from the British Empire to prevent British and pirate ship disputes. Collaborations were made with the later spy generations before they retired, and later pirate populations were dosed with radioactive tracking particles, especially in the reproductive organs, such that newer generations of pirates would also be tracked. It was assumed that the pirates accounted for by the spies represented approximately the entire, global Pastafarian population. Data on temperature were taken from records, and literature values were used. The data shows that the rising temperatures correlate with the decrease in pirate population, and the rates also correlated. However, there was not enough data to determine the exact mechanisms in which pirates affect global temperature, and if these processes in question have significant effects. Therefore, the correlation between pirate populations and temperature was concluded to be insignificant.
The Pastafairan sect, of the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monsters, holds a belief in a corrupted government that plots to raise global temperature and profit off the increasing value of water. To prevent the government from initiating global warming, Pastafarians sail as pirates for many centuries, and by harnessing the power of their god, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, hunt down suspicious government members. Data compiled from the Pastafarian Saga, a documentation of the history of the sect, was analyzed to determine the validity of their beliefs and the relationship between Pastafarians and global temperatures. From the Saga, we find that the number of pirates is diminishing due to doubt in the belief of the conspiracy amongst the younger members. Global temperatures from the past two hundred years from thermometer readings were recorded, showing an increase in temperature as the number of pirates decrease. Although this data supports Pastafarian’s beliefs, it cannot be concluded that the pirates play an essential role in the prevention of global warming, due to numerous other factors that could also contribute to rising temperatures.
As global climatological data has accumulated, and the case for a global warming trend has gained credibility and weight, the one problem which has consistently plagued policy makes, climatologists, and even the average global citizen is: What is actually causing this warming trend? A variety of theories have been proposed with regards to the mechanism by which the planet has increased in mean temperature by nearly 2 degrees over the past two centuries, from aliens reflecting excess solar radiation, to the planet getting embarrassed and heating up as a result. The trend has even been attributed to such ludicrous proposals as an increase in solar activity, or anthropogenic greenhouse gasses creating the warming effect, and many in the scientific community have been worried that such notions have been gaining traction in the public and political spheres. The aim of this paper therefore was to investigate conclusively and qualitatively one of the favoured mechanism thought to be responsible for the warming trend, specifically, the number of pirates. This mechanism was first proposed by theorists working at the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but has never before been analyzed on such a large scale as this. The technique pioneered in gathering data is revolutionary not only to the field of climatology, but also to population modelling and demographics. In order to adequately examine the changing number of pirates from the point at which accurate climatological data is available to the present, hamsters were genetically engineered to become effective population modelling tools. Basic albatross characteristics, for long distance flights over open water were included, as well as the advanced olfactory system taken from bloodhounds that was capable of detecting the telltale odour of garlic, rum, and gunpowder characterizing a pirate population at a range of up to 1000 nautical miles. Where previous groups had problems with the miniaturization of the flux capacitor to facilitate retroactive data sampling, our group adopted the unique approach of using the hamsters own chakra flux elements to create a biological resonant circuit with a radiative flux device housed at the UBC lab. Communication with the present was facilitated by behaviour training, teaching the hamsters to preferentially nibble the stings that make up our universe, thereby transmitting data forward in time through the 13th dimension. Accurate data was found using these hamsters as information vectors, and it was discovered that the global decrease in pirate population correlates almost exactly to the climbing global mean temperature. We may therefore definitively say, since correlation implies causation, that the decrease in the pirate population has been a significant contributor to increasing global temperature.
One of largest problems facing the world today is global warming. As scientists search for the answer to these problems, many have turned to folktale and religion. The Pastafarians, members of the Flying Spaghetti Monster have long been persecuted, but as their religion has finally come into the opening, their beliefs have finally been investigated. As the Pastafarians maintained, their deity, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is pleased by pirates and will make the Earth a better place for pirates. As time progressed from the 1800s, the number of pirates has decreased and global temperatures increased. The American Academy of Science and the American Academy of Religion joined together in this study for the first time to use the new method of reviving the dead to question them. This allowed them to plot where and when there was a high number of pirates and what the temperature was at that day and time. The correlation between pirates and cooler temperatures is higher than can be attributed to chance alone. The Pastafarians applaud the efforts of the Sumatran pirates as well as Hollywood for using local knowledge before this became scientifically accepted fact. The newest predictions suggest that the best way to combat global warming is to take to the ships and become pirates.
While climate change has been a concern at least for several decades, the debate about global warming came to a head with the arrival of the twenty-first century. Despite the dramatically increased interest in the topic, a single, unifying, and effective method to combat climate change has yet to emerge, leading various groups to utilize their own strategies to counteract global warming. One such method is employed by the Pastafarians, who believe that dressing up as pirates serves to counteract the effects of global warming. In order to verify the effectiveness of this method, an experiment was performed in which scientists took observations of major port cities that were targeted by pirates every twenty years. The devastation caused by the pirates during their raids were found to decrease the population of the cities as well as their industrial processes, leading to an overall decrease in temperature. Raids were found to be more frequent with larger numbers of pirates in the world, so the experimental results therefore displayed an inverse relationship between number of pirates and average global temperature, thereby lending support to the effectiveness Pastafarians’ counteractive measures to combat climate change.
In recent history, the largest obstacle science faces is global warming. Recent studies by the Pastafarian Association has indicated for the unlikely probability that there is relationship between the number of pirates (which has faced a dramatic decrease since naval patrols began in 1900) and average global temperature. Though estimation of pirate population had been a difficult and dangerous act often resulting in massacre. However, advances in technology now allows biologists to do this with satellites and digital detection. Over the last 8 years that the study was conducted, there is dramatic decrease in the number of pirates – from 35,000 to 17 – which correlates with rising global average temperature. The decreasing number results from effective navy patrol along coasts popular to pirates. Further investigation has shown that disappearance of pirates result in a decrease in the quality of maintenance of their CO2-fuelled ships, which somehow consume extremely large volumes of CO2 to propel the ship. Thus, removal of CO2-fuelled ships over the past 8 years have caused the global temperature to rise dramatically, resulting from effective navy patrols.
Global warming is currently a divisive issue, with many researchers debating possible causes of warming and methods of preventing further temperature increases. It is crucial to understand the cause of this devastating problem in order to implement strategies to reverse it. Pastafarians have long advocated for increasing global pirate density as a method of preventing global warming, and this study, conducted by the Association for Research into Recent Geological History (ARRGH), was designed to determine whether the increasing paucity of pirates in recent history has caused temperatures to rise. In order to compare pirate numbers to existing temperature data, the ARRGH searched 302.5 representative 10m by 10m sample quadrats of the Earth’s crust for buried treasure**. Radiocarbon dating of treasure chests was used to determine the time of burial, and the well-established ratio of 0.23±45.1 pounds of booty per pirate was used to extrapolate number of pirates on Earth. Using the coin-flip statistical test to analyse these results, it is clear that the decrease in piracy in recent history directly caused global temperature increases, and therefore government funding for piracy training should be implemented worldwide to reverse global warming.
**This experiment was therefore self-funded.
In the advent of the 21st century many global issues have come to exist. Climate change is one of many problems that humanity face and has led countless people to search for a definite answer in solving this problem. Although many scientists have come up with theories that carbon emissions and other ozone depleting substances are to blame for climate change many have speculated that these things have nothing to do with climate change. It is known that the Earth itself is changing climatically as a trend in history but whether global warming is a factor that is accelerating climate change has not been proven. A group of researchers, namely, The Pastafarians, had conducted a research project that looked further into the whether climate change can be slowed down. It was clear to them that the trend in the decline of number of pirates throughout the millennium had a definite relationship with the acceleration of climate change such as an earthquake in Chile would have cause a smaller one in Quebec. It was found that pirates, by fighting each other in sea, causes a substance in the ocean to spark that leads to a chain reaction and has exothermic behaviour. This meant that the ocean’s average temperature would drop, cooling the lands above. In 2015, this was tested and the Pastafarians introduced the Pirate Era where a notorious man, Roland Pache, who discovered an algorithm that generated gold, had hid a huge amount of it on an island in the pacific. A year later millions of pirates were battling in the seas and average ocean temperature had dropped 3 degrees Celsuis. However, the treasure was eventually found and the ocean temperature is slowly rising again. This was irrefutable evidence that pirates were necessary in stopping Global warming and helping to decelerate climate change.
Global warming has been a hot topic of debate in many scientific religious circles. The lack of quantitative data behind arguements has been the crux of the discussion in recent years. To address this problem, a team Pastafarian climatologists observed the correlation between global average temperature and global pirate density. Both historical datas and independant research were used. It was decisively found that a decrease in global piraticity and global warming were linearly related, to 103% confidence. This quantitative data adds to a historical stockpile of qualitative research behind the Pastafarian perspective that the FSM gave the absolute divine beings and decipels carbon-reducing powers and that climate change can only be fought with adherance to strict Pastafarian respect.
In the advent of the 21st century many global issues have come to exist. Climate change is one of many problems that humanity face and has led countless people to search for a definite answer in solving this problem. Although many scientists have come up with theories that carbon emissions and other ozone depleting substances are to blame for climate change many have speculated that these things have nothing to do with climate change. It is known that the Earth itself is changing climatically as a trend in history but whether global warming is a factor that is accelerating climate change has not been proven. A group of researchers, namely, The Pastafarians, had conducted a research project that looked further into the whether climate change can be slowed down. It was clear to them that the trend in the decline of number of pirates throughout the millennium had a definite relationship with the acceleration of climate change such as an earthquake in Chile would have cause a smaller one in Quebec. It was found that pirates, by fighting each other in sea, causes a substance in the ocean to spark that leads to a chain reaction and has exothermic behaviour. This meant that the ocean’s average temperature would drop, cooling the lands above. In 2015, this was tested and the Pastafarians introduced the Pirate Era where a notorious man, Roland Pache, who discovered an algorithm that generated gold, had hid a huge amount of it on an island in the pacific. A year later millions of pirates were battling in the seas and average ocean temperature had dropped 3 degrees Celsuis. However, the treasure was eventually found and the ocean temperature is slowly rising again. This was irrefutable evidence that pirates were necessary in stopping Global warming and helping to decelerate climate change.
Global warming is becoming a huge issue these days and people wonder what they themselves can do to help prevent global warming. The answer might have been found with this experiment. The presence of a correlation between the number of pirates and global average temperature was hinted at in the movie, the Pirates of the Caribbean. To investigate this, state-of-the-art rockets that travel faster than the speed of light were used to time travel and the number of pirates at various time periods was recorded by sending a specific wavelength of pulse around the Earth that only detects pirates. The global average temperature at these time periods was also recorded, by sending out thousands of unmanned mini-satellites around the Earth that then relay the temperature at their locations, before returning to the rocket. Graphing the data, the global average temperature was seen to increase significantly with the declining number of pirates. This implies that if everyone were to dress up as pirates, global warming could be prevented, maybe even reversed.
Penguins are gone. Sea level is rising. Spruce bark beetles have chewed up 4 million acres of spruce trees. We believe that the global warming is an issue. In this paper we have discussed how the number of the pirates during the years have cause fundamental problems and a dramatic increase in the temperature of the Earth. We have used statical data and old photographs and simulations to make the hypothesis. We had photographs of the pirates feeding penguins with spruce bark beetles. This data suggests that the reason that the population of the penguins is decreasing is that the population of the pirates is decreasing. Base on this evidence we designed a series of experiments to test the effect of the number of the pirates on the temperature. We studied the water temperature in two closed areas of 30m x 30m. The control group water didn’t have pirates wile the experimental group had 4 pirates. After a time interval of 5 hours we noticed that the temperature in the experimental group was 2oc less than the water temperature of the control group. Besides the water level was also higher in the control group since people were swimming in the control water while fear of being killed by the pirates kept them away from entering the water and causing the increase in the level of the water. In short, pirates are the main cause of the global warming and the solution of this problem is to introduce new generation of pirates to the oceans.
An alarming issue that faces Earthlings today is the increase in global average temperature as the number of pirates decreases. The decline in the number of pirates most likely means that the number of Pastafarians is decreasing, which does not fare well with the future of Earth, as one less Pastafarian means one less meatball on the Flying Spaghetti Monster. One less meatball, in turn, angers the Flying Spaghetti Monster and causes the pasta sauce on the surface of his great pasta-ness to bubble, ultimately causing the increase in Earth’s global average temperature. In this study, a large batch of meatballs were launched from Earth to land on the Flying Spaghetti Monster in his annual orbit around the Earth, and the daily global average temperature was monitored over the course of one year. It was found that the global average temperature did not decline as expected and kept increasing instead. Thus, it has been shown that the decline of the number of pirates has no direct correlation with the increase in global temperature, although the anger of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is still steadily increasing.
For the longest time global warming has boggled scientists and Pastafarians alike. It ravaged the world from the 19th century, bringing in waves of warm temperature that rose every year. It threatened our penguins and polar bears, our Arctic rhododendrons, and of course, our polar ice caps. In an effort to understand the causes of global warming on our seas, we travelled by raft to the Atlantic Ocean, using giant thermometers as oars to simultaneously measure the water temperature as well as propel our raft forward. On our scientific journey, we noticed a large black flag waving in the middle of the ocean, and as we neared the flag the temperature of the air lowered by approximately 0.2 degrees Celsius for every 50km. The cause of the lowering of temperature was determined to be pirates singing on a pirate ship, at which the black flag was raised. We used a thermo-gaseous-oscilloscope to measure the decrease in temperature-raising molecules and substances with the increase in intensity of the singing. From data gathered in pirate records and hidden booty we found a trend showing that the average global temperature increased as number of pirates decreased. In an effort to alleviate the effects of global warming and to encourage pirate interest, Pastafarians dressed up as pirates to fend off global warming. We will continue to analyze the results in the hopes that there will be a solution to this important global issue.
It is a well-known fact that the global population of pirates has decreased dramatically over the past two centuries. Despite inspired attempts of rehabilitation for wild pirates, the number of pirates has decreased f-arrrrr beyond any hopes of recovery. Beyond plummeting eye patch sales and exorbitant amounts of unfound treasure, though, scientific data has displayed an alarming incidence of increasing global average temperature with the rampant decrease in pirate population. In the years from 1820-2000, five thermometers (maybe six) were used in multiple locations around the globe to monitor temperature. These temperatures were averaged and compared to an estimated worldwide number of pirates, obtained through rigorous mathematical modeling, based on global rum supply, observed shipwrecks, and possible mentions of Jack Sparrow. The data clearly displays an increase in global temperature with decreased number of pirates, a trend experts suggest is due to severe reduction in the incidence of oil tanker theft. It is concluded that with less oil tankers stolen, one of the quintessential buffers to greenhouse gas emissions is removed, resulting in the dramatic increase in temperature shown.
We think we have found the reason for global warming! The chef of the gods is heating the earth for a stew however, there is this race of Pastafarins who dress up as pirates and are the members of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. They have diligently been fighting against the cook and global warming for the past 200 years. However, the Pastafarins through the years have depleted their resources and lost the fight; the race is extinct as they can’t repopulate as they only had 17 members left in the year 2000. This is the cause of global warming. What is next? We have concluded that humans are rising to the occasion but not enough have joined the cause. Will more humans rise to the occasion of fighting this chef or will the world be eaten by the gods?