I speak for anyone who is not a perverted scumbag when I say that Bangkok is awful and should be avoided. Obviously completely avoiding Bangkok is impossible as all major trains, airplanes and buses dead end at the city. So before I talk about my stay here lets go through some ground rules:

1)Do not trust anyone in Bangkok, in fact do not trust anyone in all of southern Thailand.

2)Avoid tuk-tuk drivers at all costs. If they dont rip you off themselves they will take you to a tourism office that is a rip off and they will gain a commission for it.

3) Note that each “bucket” of alcohol you buy has 375ml of 80 proof hard liquor, plan accordingly.

4)Never buy beer in a restaurant. They cost more then your meal. Instead head over to 7-11 and grab a 650ml beer Chang for 1.75$. They will even open it for you in the store.

5) Do not get wasted and come home with a girl you met on the corner. She is a lady boy and yes she has a penis.

6) Do not go to a ping pong show unless you have some extra cash you are willing to burn.

7)Always eat street Pad Thai on Khao San road. Its a dollar and its delicious.

8) Get in, get drunk, get a mango fruit shake and get out.

I must say that not everything in Bangkok is bad. The party scene is huge and the diversity of travelers that you meet is unparalleled. We met up with a few Australian/English guys that were on the bus from Siem Reap. After 4 buckets, one purchase of an “I love Cunt Salad bracelet” and  5 different encounters with tuk-tuk drivers asking if they would fuck a chicken for 1000 baht, I considered us good friends. Anyways, the night ended wrapped around the toilet bowl in my shitty over priced guesthouse, welcome to Bangkok.

Our second day was Amelia’s Bday so we classed it up. We moved over to the Khao San Palace Hotel, complete with roof top pool, for 23$ a night. We managed to find the MBK shopping center using public transit. Unfortunately it was not all that great and the prices are actually better on Khao San Road.

The train’s in Thailand are a huge pain in the ass. They are most likely the best way to travel but unless you want to pay double at some tourist office you have to go to the train station at least a few days in advance and get your ticket. Unlike Malaysia they do not have an online reservation system and unfortunately for us the full moon was approaching so all south bound trains were full. Overnight sleeper bus here we come. We bought our ticket at the bus station (always a good idea) and got a VIP bus/ferry combo for 35$. This takes you all the way to Don Sak pier which has an advantage over the train which would strand you in Surat Thani. My advice after suffering through the worst nights sleep imaginable would be to pass on the “VIP” bus and get the normal 40 seat aircon for about 10$ cheaper. Either way you wont be happy but at least you will be 10$ richer. Use it on a neck massage cause your gonna need it!